Rock bottom at 29 weeks... Any positive vibes?!

[CoralMilk]

Hi to anyone out there reading this. My first post - wish it was more positive! Currently expecting my second and feel like I've hit rock bottom. Actually I feel like I've blown through rock bottom and sludged into whatever's underneath rock bottom. We wanted a second, but now at 29 weeks I'm petrified that I have no connection to this baby - thinking of it doesn't make me happy. I've no interest in coming up with names, buying clothes, making a nursery, doing anything relating to it to be honest...how awful is that? It's not been a difficult pregnancy as such. But it's not been a great few months either. Work has been a miserable experience (trying to do two jobs at once and already feeling like I've been replaced before I even go on mat leave), I found a lump (probably nothing, but still being investigated), and now to top it off, I've been landed with a gestational diabetes diagnosis. Food and craft have been my main lock down comforts, and now food has become a constant source of disappointment and I've had to abandon my craft time to make way for extra exercise. All in all, I feel totally miserable, exhausted and like I wish none of this had ever happened. Then when I think that, I just feel worse! I know I could go to the midwife or doctors, but I've a lot of hang ups about doing that (sounds paranoid but not good past experiences).

Anyone else ever felt like this? Or just got any positive words of wisdom?! I'll take anything...

You are soooooooo not alone OP! Big hugs! pre-natal depression is real and you have already taken a step in the right direction by posting on here so well done! 🥰🥰🥰Nik not going to be patronising with the usual comments of 'you're nearly there!' 'It'll be worth it in the end!' etc as it won't help when you are feeling this low.
You already know the drill with pregnancy from start to finish, as you said, this is your second and the whole pandemic has thrown a total spanner in the works and I can honestly say that whilst I've had an easy pregnancy to date (28 weeks) the whole experience has totally sucked because I can't share it with anyone!
You haven't been able to enjoy your time being pregnant with friends and family, I would imagine. Not to go shopping for baby things and to get excited. I've bought most of my stuff on line during lockdown and I hated it as I wanted to physically go shopping not trawl through all the lovely baby things. A total anti climax!
I honestly believe that not many of us have had a great time of it, but if you feel how your feeling then you do need to speak to someone.
You said you don't want to speak to your MW or GP, do you have anyone else? A great support network will be the best thing for you right now.
I hope you get the help and support you need OP and things start to look brighter for you soon! You are never alone. Always remember that 💐💐💐

You are not alone at all. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. If you aren't comfortable with asking for help from doctors and midwives, reach out to other services- anything, like online charities, phonelines, chat services...there will be so many places for you to speak to a non-judgemental, supportive professional. Maybe Tommy's? I'm sure someone on MN can recommend some great services and resources. Have you got the resources to seek private counselling? Even online like from BetterHelp and online therapy?

Have you spoken to your partner? Or friends or family? Don't bottle it up- talking here is an amazingly strong thing to do, so it'll only get easier from here now you've done it! Good luck x

@lockdownpregnancy, thanks lovely. You're right - lockdown has made the whole experience totally sucky and I feel robbed! Buying clothes and bits online just isn't the same is it? Glad its been an easy pregnancy for you so far though - hope that at least continues!

In terms of a support network, it's difficult. Mum is shielding and will just worry if I dump on her. My Dad was the voice of reason in the family, but sadly we lost him a few years back. In terms of friends, it just feels difficult - I've spoken to one or two a little about how I'm feeling, but they have their own issues and I'm worried I'll bring them down with me? I don't feel I can open up to the rest of my friends in the same way - it's the scale of how bad it is that makes it feel unspeakable.

@Hanrora06 - thank you! I did start looking at the options for support last night after I saw your post, but a bit confused by all the resources out there. I did start looking into private counselling, but most of the services are being run online and I'm just not sure I can bear sobbing at the end of a computer screen :-S And as for the husband...fairly useless when it comes to dealing with emotions, so his answer to pretty much everything has been 'it'll be fine' - he's probably right, but its not a helpful answer to be frank! I'll do a bit more research today...

Thanks again both x x x

@CoralMilk don't feel like you're burdening people. They will be more annoyed with you for not speaking to them. It's not good how you are feeling and you have to have a support network.
Never ever feel like you are dumping on people! Your true friends will always be there to listen to you, regardless of their own troubles.
In line counselling appears to be the way forward at the present moment in time. Whilst it's not ideal it's better than nothing.
I really hope you start to feel better soon! 💐💐