Anxiety monitoring baby's movements

[bluemoon2468]

Hi everyone 😊

How do people find a good balance between being vigilant and aware of baby's movements and not living your life in a constant state of anxiety?

For background, I have a history of anxiety and have receieved support in the past for OCD and GAD, although my mental health for the past few years has been pretty good! I'm 27w with my first baby and felt first movements around 15/16 weeks. Weirdly before this I was absolutely fine - no anxiety at all in 1st trimester despite that being the riskiest time! As the pregnancy progresses I'm becoming more and more anxious about monitoring fetal movements. If I don't feel the baby move for an hour or so I start to become really anxious, and spend a lot of my time tracking movement and comparing it to previous days etc. It doesn't help that I'm furloughed and don't really have many distractions. This morning, baby didn't move for over an hour after I woke up and I was really getting into a state about it (he's currently using the placenta as a punchbag so he's absolutely fine!)

I've managed to avoid going into hospital so far, but I find it so hard to draw the line between legitimate concern and my anxiety issues. The last thing I want is to ignore reduced movements blaming my anxiety, and then there to actually be something wrong, but I also don't want to be down the hospital every day when it's just a mental health issue 😕 My DH just says 'I'm sure he's fine' every time I say anything (he's used to my irrational panicking!) 🤷🏼‍♀️

Has anyone else struggled with similar? When should I actually be worried? And how do people deal with the stress/anxiety?

PS. My maternity team are aware of my mental health history and I have been referred to the perinatal mental health team, but due to covid I was deprioritised by them. I'm planning to raise my concerns at my next midwife appt, but overall (other than this) my mental health has been pretty good during the pregnancy so far!

Hi OP, sorry you are feeling so stressed and anxious. I totally get where you are coming from, as a FTM I find the movements thing so worrying as we have nothing to compare it to and no idea what is normal or not.

I didn't feel movements at all till i was over 22 weeks so remember panicking about that and I have an anterior placenta which makes it harder to feel anything full stop.

I have a great community midwife who i talked to about it all and she really calmed me down a lot. She said it can be up to 24 weeks before some women feel anything and that's totally normal, and that you don't even begin to establish a proper pattern until you are over 28 weeks. A lot of women end up stressing and going in for monitoring between 24 and 28 weeks apparently (myself included) as it's a transition time....baby is still really small and there is no pattern yet so the slightest change in position can change what you are feeling.

I was particularly anxious between about week 26 and week 30. I obsessively used a kick counter app and stressed everyday as my little one just didn't really establish a proper pattern and would still have quiet days and more active ones. Sometimes hours would go by with nothing at all then other times she wouldn't stop moving.

Now, at almost 35 weeks, I've relaxed a lot. She still doesn't have a really obvious pattern and she still has quieter periods but I feel more in tune with her now and I'm not freaking out all the time. As long as I feel her regularly throughout the day then I'm happy. If she's too quiet, I have a cold drink and something sugary and I lay on my side for a while until everything feels back to 'normal'. I'm not comparing myself to what's normal for other people and just focusing on what's normal for us.

I've got PTSD and have suffered with mental health in the past so I know it's not a case of just switching the anxiety off but, if you can find a way to manage it that works for you and your baby, you'll enjoy the pregnancy so much more x

Due to where my placenta was, I hardly felt much at all but whenever I had a scan they recorded good movement and I couldn't feel it, when when seeing it on the screen. That relaxed me a bit that I may just not always feel the movements.

I was having a anxiety course whilst pregnant too, I also am an anxiety suffer. They said if you don't feel movement to try a hot drink or a very cold drink first. This usually worked and helped me relax.

Towards the end I did end up there a few times as didn't feel movement all morning at one point. As I went in twice after 39 weeks I was then brought in at 40+6 for an induction.

I also worry about movements. I'm on pregnancy #2 and thought I'd be more relaxed this time but nope! I think it's OK to accept you're a worrier. Yes it would be nice to relax and just enjoy the pregnancy but there is a medical reason why they tell us to count the kicks and so we aren't unreasonable paying attention to it. This time will pass (I am 30w and count down the days...not great but oh well)

Also don't feel bad if you go in for them to check movements for you. I went 3x last pregnancy and have been in once this time already too. They advise you to come in when you're worried (do the lie on your left side and drink a cold drink and eat some sugar thing first).

@OP, I am similar. What I tend to say to myself when I am worrying is that if he doesn't move by a certain time I will call triage. So far, he moved every time and I didn't need to call. I am 23 weeks now, and have been feeling movements since about 16 weeks too. I find that kept me somewhat together.

I was worried for a while that I wasn't worried enough. Around 27 weeks like you there would be times when she would be quite and not move much.
Between 28 and 30 weeks the movements felt more deliberate and I settled down a bit as there was less ambiguity in whether or not I had felt a movement.
Then at 32 weeks I had a day with very few movements, in the end she moved less from about 10pm Saturday night to 8pm Sunday night. I was awake from 3am Sunday morning and without any app or counting I just knew she was moving less. I was restless and distracted. I went to get checked out and she moved as soon as they put the monitor on and all was fine.
I am less worried about not being worried now because I just knew without a doubt she wasn't behaving as normal it was weird, these spidey sense took over.

Don't be afraid to call for advice if you are concerned by any movements or for some reassurance for your mental wellbeing too. Another ftm with mental health problems here too and it's as important to take care of that side as it is the physical stuff.