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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

No sex drive in pregnancy

24 replies

blardiblabla · 05/07/2020 18:29

Basically that... I have had zero sex drive throughout pregnancy so far. I'm currently 20 weeks. I suffered really badly from sickness and nausea in the first trimester, thankfully this has gone now but has made no difference. I'm going to bed early pretty much every night because I'm so tired, but even when we go to bed together nothing happens. There's just no desire on my part, I want to be able to turn it on - even if just for his benefit - but I can't. DH is being very understanding and is putting no pressure on me whatsoever, but I feel so guilty about it. I'm missing the intimacy between us, although we still kiss and cuddle etc, but I'm struggling to do anything about it. My first pregnancy wasn't like this, and I'm so conscious of it and worried about it. Is this normal? Will my desire return once baby is here? Really need some reassurance.

OP posts:

Laanie · 05/07/2020 18:37

I can't advise you whether or not it'll come back, I am in a very similar boat to you!
So sick during the first trimester and just feeling uninterested/awkward about it now at 24 weeks. I did have a very open conversation with my partner about it and we agreed to try and find a way it would feel less uncomfortable. It's gonna sound a little silly perhaps but what worked for me was to make a decision during the day to give it a go in the evening. It gave me the whole afternoon/evening to try and get myself in the mood, get myself ready for what was gonna happen and we ended up having a very good time that night! But it take a whole day of telling myself 'we're gonna do this and it's gonna be good'.
I've been speaking to a pregnant friend who told me they have not been sexual during the entire pregnancy. I think it's a lot more common than we are lead to believe!!

Herefortipsx · 05/07/2020 18:57

We didn't have sex much in the first pregnancy. Then i had bleeds in the second. So we didn't ever do it. Just didn't feel right. The bump. The nausea. The tiredness. The fact your baby is right there lol. It just wasn't for me. But don't worry. Do what you want. Your partner can wait.

otterlielovely · 05/07/2020 18:59

Exactly the same here, and I’m really dry vaginally too

Babs709 · 05/07/2020 19:02

No reason it shouldn’t come back. Don’t feel guilty, growing a human is exhausting and there are a lot of hormones and emotions flying around. Whenever I am missing sex but have no sex drive I do something like read a slightly naughty book. A good sex scene puts me in the mood. But don’t force yourself if you have zero interest.

Babs709 · 05/07/2020 19:05

The Hating Game by Sally Thorne is an easy to read romance with a great sex scene... if you wanted a recommendation

mydogmike · 05/07/2020 19:06

I could of wrote this exactly ! Currently 20 weeks pregnant with my second and I remember with my first it was the exact same , had a really high sex drive after the pregnancy though !

hmfair54 · 05/07/2020 19:33

Same here! Honestly felt like I was one of the only ones since everyone always talks about having a higher sex drive during pregnancy.
I'm afraid I've got no advice to offer other than you're not alone 😊

Original poster

blardiblabla · 05/07/2020 20:10

As much as I don't feel happy that others feel the same, it's reassuring to know I'm not alone! DH and I have talked about it, like I say he's putting no pressure on and has said he will wait until if/when I feel like it. I just feel bad for him, but he's not making me feel that way. Might be worth trying to build myself up to it... If I get a day where I feel less tired! 😂

OP posts:

PAJJ · 05/07/2020 20:45

I'm in the exact same boat - now 39 weeks and have had sex once early on and not since. I just have no sex drive whatsoever and can't think of anything worse... My partner is totally supportive and I think as long as you're open about it then it's fine. It's definitely more common than you think!!

Cherrytangfastic · 05/07/2020 21:02

Same here. Sex drive totally died and has even became quite painful (when everything started getting swollen down there 😮).

DH is lovely though. It's worse now that I'm very pregnant and trying to cuddle on the sofa is impossible. We can't even cuddle anymore.

Can't wait to get back into it!

Alychloe · 05/07/2020 21:02

Ahh I thought I was the only one! I only see posts on here about how the partner doesn’t want sex because they are scared they might poke the baby! Im the same as you, I had terrible hypermesis up to 20 weeks, I’m now 25 weeks and even though I feel better I’m just not feeling in the mood at all, I think it’s also because it’s been so long I feel a sense of awkwardness if I actually tried to come onto him! I felt so bad for DH and have just done foreplay with him haha! But it’s a no go zone for me! I’m sure it will all return to normal for us :)

Cherrytangfastic · 05/07/2020 21:03

*become

Cherrytangfastic · 05/07/2020 21:04

*has become

CluelessBaker · 05/07/2020 22:13

I’m 17 weeks and I’m only just starting to get back to wanting to have sex now. Give yourself more time - it may come back as you progress through the second trimester. But I also think it’s quite normal to not feel any desire during pregnancy, so don’t worry about it if you can help it!

Original poster

blardiblabla · 06/07/2020 07:34

It does sound more common than I thought! I'll stop worrying about it. And absolutely to being open about it with each other @PAJJ

It will feel soooo awkward when one of us first puts the moves on each other now @Alychloe haha!

I hope everyone's pregnancies are progressing well I've got my anomaly scan today and will hopefully find out what we're having

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daydreamerfordays · 06/07/2020 08:35

I'm in a slightly different situation.. I'm up for it but DH is too freaked out. This is our first baby and despite the doctor saying it's totally fine, he's convinced he'll touch the baby 😂

I can't imagine another 5.5 months without having sex! Luckily we had a great conversation about it just yesterday as I was missing the physicality of our relationship and he explained he was uncomfortable - but we agreed to do other things 😂

Original poster

blardiblabla · 06/07/2020 08:58

@daydreamerfordays my DH felt like that with our first too... Now he's not getting a choice he'd probably be OK with it

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Superscientist · 06/07/2020 09:38

Same here, I'm 34 weeks and I think we have had sex 4 or 5 times. I've been exhausted and nauseous/sick and had low mood on and off throughout my pregnancy and just really had zero sex drive. We have more cuddles and are generally more affectionate though

bluemoon2468 · 06/07/2020 09:48

Yep I'm totally with you! I was so sick during the first 16 weeks that we didn't have sex at all. Since then we've had sex maybe 4-5 times (I'm now 27 weeks) and that's only because I basically make myself because I feel bad for DH! I have no sex drive atm and could easily go the whole pregnancy without, but I'll probably carry on doing it occasionally for the sake of keeping the relationship alive 😆 Not saying people have to do that at all, it's totally fine to just say no as well! I'm just aware that once baby's here there probably won't be any sex for a long time either 😬

Painterpatty · 07/07/2020 12:12

23 weeks here and only managed it twice.

In my mind I’ve been super horny. But I have no real desire or intention to follow it through with actions 🤣

Between bleeding and spotting in the first trimester, terrible relentless nausea, fears about my cervical length, pelvic girdle pain and orgasms that simply feel horrible; I can’t be arsed at all 🤣

Luckily DH has a much lower sex drive than me so wasn’t bothered. (I wouldn’t have entertained it anyway even if he did want it)

We were both relieved to have any “should we be making the effort?” Thoughts squashed when my consultant put me on pelvic rest at 20 weeks 👌

Yaty · 07/07/2020 12:14

I'm the same. First 12-16 weeks I was so ill did not feel up for it at all. I think we had sex once or twice and then by the time I could start feeling the baby move properly just really put me off the idea. I'm lucky I guess as my DP is not fussed as thought of it makes him feel a bit weird too. I'm sure things will come back once the baby is here!

SacreBleeurgh · 07/07/2020 12:19

Yep, this was me, though I was actually worse when I was breastfeeding - absolutely zero libido. I think the key to this scenario is communication with your DH - there is a physiological reason why you feel like you do, and it’s nothing personal to do with him, and that things will get back to ‘normal’ - whatever that new normal is once you have two small children!!

clo1992 · 07/07/2020 12:19

I'm 36 weeks and sex never happens. I had bleed to start with and the fear of anything happening through sex isn't worth it. My partner is totally supportive of it.
I find I have a sex drive sometimes and other times nothing (even tho I wouldn't).
I'm sure it will come back :)

Jj2431 · 07/07/2020 15:33

Haven't had sex since the beginning. Tried once and it felt uncomfortable and it's only getting more uncomfortable now I'm 34 weeks so we've just decided not to do it. We spend lots of time together and kiss and cuddle and DH is very understanding and supportive luckily.

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