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Baby’s surname...

25 replies

Prettylittlelady · 05/07/2020 13:30

So I’m not with my baby’s father at the moment although we do get along and I wouldn’t rule out anything in the future. Baby is due in October.
I feel that as we are not currently together, don’t live together the baby should have just my surname. This isn’t in anyway trying to disrespect him. It’s just want I would prefer and I feel it is right, I would also feel this way if we were together because we are not married.
He wants a double barrelled name. I really don’t want this and I want just my name. Also the name sounds awful together.
What are people’s thoughts? Who has the final say on this matter?

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 05/07/2020 13:32

Absolutely give him your name, do not use your ex(!) boyfriends name.

You have the final say. You don’t even need to put him on the BC.

yellowfishestoyou · 05/07/2020 13:32

If you get on and he will always be apart of the child's life I would double barrel with your surname first.

Throughabushbackwards · 05/07/2020 13:35

I'd put both names on the birth certificate but only use yours. My SIL did this - first name, father's surname, her surname - then dropped the father's surname in day to day use, making it as a middle name.

Prettylittlelady · 05/07/2020 13:57

It’s impossible to know if he’ll always be part of her life...he seems to have the intention but I don’t know how true to his word he will be. I haven’t seen him for months - fair enough there has been a pandemic. I just want to do wants best for her and in my mind having the same surname as her Mummy and my family - who will be around her most of the time seems to make sense?

OP posts:
Prettylittlelady · 05/07/2020 13:59

Also - so far I’ve bought everything that she will need and he hasn’t offered to get anything so I’ve budgeted for it all I’m not making a fuss about it, I’ve saved enough to be able to get the things she will need. My parents are buying her pram.

OP posts:
Billyjoearmstrong · 05/07/2020 14:07

Give the baby your name.

I’m married and my children have both our names double barrelled. If we weren’t married, the children would have my name.

At the end of the day, he could bugger off any time he likes. At least if the baby has your name it saves any hassle later on.

Tavannach · 05/07/2020 14:09

Use his name as a middle name.

NameChange30 · 05/07/2020 14:11

If you must, put the father's surname as a middle name. Do not give in and use it as a surname.

If you were in a relationship, or even on good terms and he was contributing to buying baby things, I might be more inclined to suggest considering giving baby two surnames, but given his attitude (and the fact that the names don't sound good together) I would just keep it as middle name.

It's your choice, you are one giving birth and registering the birth (he won't be able to register it without you). YANBU at all.

He can't have his cake and eat it.

Babs709 · 05/07/2020 14:12

I think if you are going to spend the babies entire life as the sole emergency contact then it’ll probably be ten times easier if she has your surname. Don’t think of it as an emotional decision if it’s making you feel guilty, think of it as a practical decision.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/07/2020 14:14

Your name and only your name.

Also, it’s tradition Wink

TheTeenageYears · 05/07/2020 14:17

It can cause issues going through the airport if you have a different last name so just easier to stick with yours.

BeMorePacific · 05/07/2020 14:28

I’d stick with yours. It can always be changed to his if circumstances change. But may be trickier if you use his surname initially x x

BabyDancer · 05/07/2020 14:34

Stick with yours OP! It will make your life easier. Double barrelled names are often a pain, and if your surnames don't sound good together then it makes sense from that point of view too.

WhatWouldPennyDo · 05/07/2020 14:40

In your shoes I would not entertain giving a baby anything other than my own surname.

Good luck!

MikeUniformMike · 05/07/2020 15:27

Give your baby YOUR surname.
Do not double-barrell, and I would not use the father's surname as a middle name.

soanco68 · 05/07/2020 15:30

Far easier in all ways if she has the same name as her family and support network.

Prettylittlelady · 05/07/2020 15:31

If we go to the appointment and he is making a fuss - does what I say go?! I’m realising that she should just have my surname which is what I thought all along but if he refuses to agree - then what? Especially as I do want his name on the BC.

OP posts:
Babs709 · 05/07/2020 15:35

Do you have to take him with you?

peanutbutterandbananas · 05/07/2020 15:38

I think it will be easier if you travel abroad, and I just felt better seeing it on forms and when making appointments at the doctors etc that my child and I had the same surname.

Prettylittlelady · 05/07/2020 15:38

@Babs709 in order for his name to appear on the BC then yes because we are not married. I could leave it off but I don’t want that for my daughter to have no name where it says father.

OP posts:
Tempjob · 05/07/2020 15:41

My children do not have my surname (I didn't change my name on marriage). It's a real pain in the butt!!!

LRHRN · 05/07/2020 15:46

I gave my children their dads surname and we aren't together anymore and weren't married. It caused so many issues.
Now I'm married, my children wanted the same name as me and my husband so have changed their name (not legally, just for everyday purposes)
Definitely give her your surname, he doesn't sound very committed and it will save hassle in the long run.
Like others have said use his surname as a second middle name then he can't moan xx

MikeUniformMike · 05/07/2020 15:47

It definitely helps if you are travelling. School, GP etc will call you Mrs DCsurname, without thinking. If you have more children, they will have different surnames etc.

You are going to be a single parent OP. You choose the first name(s) and surname.

You do not need to take the father with you to register the name, and the father's presence in DC's life is more important than his name on the BC.

MotorwayDiva · 05/07/2020 15:58

Absolutely your name, as you are likely main carer. Even of was in a relationship with father I wouldn't give child a different surname from mine. At least if married and then divorce you get to keep same name as child

Prettylittlelady · 05/07/2020 17:23

Thank you all for these responses it’s made me feel less guilty and that what my gut is telling me is the right choice.

OP posts:
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