I'm not ready all of a suddenly

[Chez2306]

Hi all

I'm having my baby Monday via C section at 35 weeks due to health reasons. All of a sudden I don't feel ready to have my little one, I'm so scared of not being a good mum, scared of him finally being here and scared (it's really stupid I know) of what he will look like - will I love him when I see him etc.

I know I probably sound stupid but did any of you feel this way?

Thanks in advance.

Don’t panic! You’re about to go through a huge life change, it’s totally ok to be anxious about these things. Don’t worry if you don’t feel some big rush of love straight away either - not everyone does. When my DD was born, I just felt enormously relieved and very hungry! Spent the next 24 hours being totally stunned, fortunately for me DD spent most of that time asleep. I felt crap just before leaving hospital - I’d been so totally out of it, I hadn’t changed my maternity pad for 8 hours or thought to check DDs nappy - it was stuck to her bottom with dried out meconium.

It all works out. By the time DD was a week old she was my world. I still worry about being a crap mum (she’s nearly 4) and have days when I get things wrong. That’s just being a parent.

If you can, try to separate out your anxieties so they don’t seem so huge. Some will be about the c section - remind yourself that this will be over and done so these anxieties have a short shelf life and won’t be upsetting you for long! (I find that helps sometimes).

Being a good parent is in your hands. You’re thinking about it already, so I’m guessing that you want to do it well. That’s half the battle! Don’t be afraid to ask for support from other mum’s.

You poor thing. Don't worry OP, feelings like this do happen to lots of people. Having your first child is a major life change and nobody's ever truly ready in my experience! You just learn as you go. I was worried I wouldn't find my DD cute or feel attached to her, but both DH and I fell in love straight away, even though she was wrinkled and red and frankly very weird looking when she first popped out.
You'll be a great mum. Most likely you are apprehensive too about the C-section and that fear is manifesting itself as hesitation about the pregnancy in general. Take a deep breath, read a book and have a nice cup of tea. Everything will be ok.

Sending a hug and all the best for your section.

I spent the night before I went into labour in irrational tears, feeling anxious and worried that I wouldn't be a good mum or I wouldn't have a clue.
What's about to happen, no one can prepare you for - spontaneous life as you knew it with all the spare time in the world gone! Couple that with worrying so much about a little person totally dependent on you, recovering physically and mentally and all the hormones racing around, its completely natural to worry.
I found just having to get on with things was the best way. It was like being pushed off a cliff, if I had an option, I'd think of 20 reasons why I couldn't do something simple like change his nappy because of what might happen. I even spent a whole day in a massive panic because when changing his nappy, he weed on himself. OH didn't have any paternity due to a new job though so I had no choice and it made my confidence grow.
Keep your lines of communication open with those you trust the most and make sure you still take time to look out for you. It can be absolutely demanding and draining but when they look at you or hold your finger, it all seems worth it.

18 weeks in now and still feel like I'm winging it half the time but that's what makes it a journey!

I’m not quite in the same boat, because I’m only 8 weeks FTM but I’ve had panics recently that I’m actually having a baby - sounds so bonkers but for a year we were TTC so I was just focusing on getting pregnant, kind of didn’t think about the bit after!

I have a feeling what you’re going through is entirely normal. Good luck for your section x

I remember my mum telling me that when she was pregnant with me, she vividly remembers thinking (more than once) that she didn't think she could be a good mum, that she wasn't grown up enough to have another life dependent on her (she was 24 and classed as an 'elderly primagravida' back in the early 80s!), that this was a huge responsibility that she couldn't possibly do well...her mum told her that the fact she was worried about doing a good job probably meant she was more than capable as she'd thought about it, and that most people worry about the same things if they were to 'do it right' (she was blunt was my Nan!).

All the best for the start of your next adventure!