How to tell a friend I’m pregnant after their MMC

[Letsbringbacksummer]

Hello, I’m looking for some advice.
I am due to have my 12 week scan next week and all being well we plan to tell family and friends about the baby.
My friend had a MMC in April. I know her from antenatal classes when we were pregnant with our daughters.
I am unsure of the best way to tell her as I don’t want it to feel like I’m rubbing it in her face or being insensitive. But I also don’t want her to find out on SM when I post that I’m expecting.
I might be overthinking it but the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt her feelings because she’s become a good friend.
Any advice is greatly appreciated.

I had a mmc in April - it is lovely you are being so thoughtful. I think the only thing to do is tell her in advance so she has a bit of warning. If it were me I would appreciate that - I would be so happy for you but sad for me and most people can cope with those conflicting feelings if they are treated with sensitivity and love. Equally I would understand if my friend just went and posted - it is her happy news and I wouldn’t want to get in the way of it. But it might mean I “hibernated” a bit more as it might increase my sense of being alone. I don’t think that would be a “perfect” reaction but I think it is how I would feel if I am being totally honest x

I would text her, explain you wanted her to know first and you chose text so that she doesn't have to respond to you straight away if she doesn't feel like it. Tell her whenever she's ready you'll be there.

my brother and sister in law had 2 babies all in the time I was trying for 1.. both times they handled the situation so badly it broke me!!

She will be happy for you, but she may well be extremely sad for herself.. she may need some time to deal with her emotions before she can be happy for you. For me it wasn't that I wasn't happy for others.. but I just always wanted to know why not me. I hated when people told me to my face because I just wanted to scream and cry but you then don't want to make them feel bad but it's hard to fake that instant happiness when someone's got something you've lost or want so badly.

It's lovely you're considering her feelings. X

I've been the friend that found out via social media and it was devastating. I was happy for her but was struggling mentally already with the miscarriage and finding out that way pushed me over the edge. Definitely contact her before you put anything on SM - that was she can come to terms with it and be happy for you, as she no doubt will be.

Thank you all so much for your replies and advice.
I really appreciate it.
I’ll send her a message after the scan (all being well that is).
I’ll leave posting anything for a few days too probably.

Second what other people said about the heads up via text message and I'm sure you won't but please don't send the scan picture in your message. My friend told me via a scan photo in a group chat six weeks after my mc and it broke me.
Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I had a similar situation with my sister. I sent her a text so she could react to it in her own time. You sound very considerate

Thank you both!
I had thought best not to send a scan picture but good to know that’s the right thing.

This isn't quite the same but I'm currently expecting twins (14 weeks) and although not a close friend I have a friend of a friend on Facebook who had twins 3 years ago, sadly she had to deliver really early and one of her boys lives for I believe less than 24 hours, the second lived until he was about 18 months old. However although I don't know her properly I did message her on Facebook the other day just to kind of say this is what's going on and I just wanted to give you a bit of a heads up before I do post something in maybe a few weeks time just so it's not straight into her face and she can expect to see something. It's obviously not my fault about what happened to her boys nor is it yours about your friends MMC, I was worried to say something incase I had over thought it or whatever. Either way, she thanked me for being so sweet to say but that it was really ok and to not worry and she congratulated me.
Maybe I had overthought it but I'd have hated for her to just see it appear on her news feed, so I'm glad that I did what I thought was right, and it turned out it was ok and I was maybe worried for no reason. I think what I'm trying to say is just say it, talk to her about it, she will likely be great full that you didn't want to hurt her feelings but she will also understand it's not your fault and she will likely be happy for you. Although she'll likely be internally gutted about her own loss but she will appreciate your thought xx

Oh gosh I agree, don’t send scan photos.

I used to see scan photos in my news feed as such a trigger when I was having multiple pregnancy losses. They would make me feel so terrible. Just tell her upfront, give her a chance to deactivate her social media if need be and then carry on as normal. She might fall pregnancy again quickly and it be no issue at all, she might even be pregnant again now and it be fantastic news for you both.

Agree with PPs - send her a message and not a scan picture. My friend messaged me and said something that acknowledged how I would feel about hearing her news, something like 'I know this might be difficult to hear when you are on your own journey' or something like that - meant a lot to me, as she wasn't just sharing her news willy nilly and she'd thought about the fact that it was upsetting to hear - she knew I'd be absolutely thrilled for her, which I was (she'd been through the ringer with many round of IVF) but at the same time she knew that hearing other people's baby news when you've experienced your own loss can really suck. x