Dealing with my mum

[CBhope]

Ok so I should start by saying very much love my mum who has always been very supportive of me.

However, I’m now pregnant and let’s say can struggle with mums opinionated perspective sometimes and I’m not sure whether to address it or brush it off.

I could honestly reel off a list of things but if something isn’t how she would do it then I know about it such as only giving birth ‘the real woman’s way’ (I hate that phrase), disapproving of baby’s name, not wanting me to do certain things, disapproving of my childcare plan. On the flip slide if I discuss any pain or pregnancy troubles I get the ‘well you’ve got the worst to come’ or ‘best get used to it now’ ‘body is never the same after baby you know’ which I find irritating. I was over the moon the first time I felt baby move yet all I got was ‘probably wind’.

I also find her a tad rude to me around other family and friends.. it’s like she enjoys aggravating me sometimes to blame it on my hormones if I say ‘ok that’s enough now’.

I really don’t want to hurt her feelings and she has been so helpful with my baby questions but she’s very much one of these people that won’t consider another way of doing things and I can feel myself really blowing my top it carries on when baby is here.

So how do I carefully resolve this? Or do I not bother? I have tried saying before I will do whatever I feel comfortable with but I get given the clenched teeth ‘ok well I’m just saying’ and usually a few more patronising comments for the subject never to be discussed again..

Well she doesn't seem too bothered about hurting your feelings. I would stop asking her questions about pregnancy or babies. Give her no opportunity to tell you how to parent your child.

Mine is exactly the same! I know she loves me and is trying to be supportive but it’s anything but. When I complain about heartburn or vomiting, she reminds me she had it worse and that it will get worse as I get further along. I’m a children’s nurse so I feel comfortable about a lot of my choices regarding safety etc but even those things she has an opinion on such as cot bumpers are fine when I say they’re dangerous so won’t be getting any. Very frustrating but I find it’s not always worth an argument. Often I just say ok or nod and change the subject. No suggestions for you unfortunately but I sympathise!

Congratulations. It sounds like your mum is asserting her queen bee status.

You may be having a baby (something she probably can’t do any more) but she’s going to keep making it clear that you are junior to her, don’t know as much, won’t cope as well etc

Every time she puts you down, say clearly “I’m sure we’ll be fine” or “Baby advice changes”.

This is your baby. You need to have the courage of your own convictions and not let her comments get you down.

Your dm is probably feeling a bit like her time has passed. You could try to cheer her up and include her but don’t let her dictate to you or spoil your pregnancy.

I have the same with my MIL. I decided it was better for my metal health to just nod and say “I’ll bear it in mind”. Then change the conversation.
In my opinion it wasn’t worth talking about, because 9/10 I didn’t agree with her advice.
I’ve used that for all people who give unsolicited advice. It really does work xxx