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Original poster

Would you have complained too?

50 replies

Ducky1900 · 29/06/2020 21:19

I had my dating scan today.
I had to attend alone due to covid, which I fine, I got over my anxiety and got to the scan.
When the sonographer was explaining the tests, she said 'ill just make sure baby is alive first'.
I was horrified. The screen in front of me was on from the start, so if the baby wasn't alive, I would have seen.
Carried on with the scan, baby is all OK.

I had to hang around for bloods and a consultant review and the comment was really playing on my mind.
I'm very fortunate never to have had a loss, but imagine saying that to someone who has, at a vulnerable time in pregnancy, especially when we are alone due to covid.

I did in the end ask to have a chat with a senior midwife about the comment. I'm a nurse myself and know the importance of wording things to patients.
Now I'm thinking I over reacted... Did I?
Would you have complained too?
I'm fortunate to

OP posts:

MinesALatte · 29/06/2020 22:50

Definitely don’t think you’re overreacting! That’s a very insensitive thing to say, yes that is literally what they are doing but it doesn’t need spelling out!

I had a private scan on Friday with window to the womb and the sonographer said ‘I’m going to keep the screens off for now and just do some checks to make sure I’m happy before I turn them on’. Perfect.

Original poster

Ducky1900 · 29/06/2020 22:54

I wouldn't say I complained as such I guess.
I just told the lead midwife what had happened.
I said, I didn't want to make a big deal about it, or get anyone into trouble, bit perhaps some feedback on how things are worded.
I also work in that hospital. So I guess a little bit of me is Concerned that women are coming to the hospital and perhaps not having great experiences with blunt sonographers.

Personally, that's my second scan at the hospital that I've had a poor experience. My last pregnancy, my 20 week scan was difficult, I was sent away twice, when I did come. Back, the sonographer said I'm just Going to rock you, and proveeded to nearly shove me off the bed just to get baby to move for the checks.
She was rude throughout too.

OP posts:

Isthisfinallyit · 29/06/2020 22:59

I've had several losses and it wouldn't bother me personally. Actually I mostly say something like that myself. Tbh I think it's extremely naive that still many women think that a scan is fun or a moment to find out babies sex. They do these scans because so often they are bad news.

Having said that, I can sympathise if other people would find it upsetting.

ttcchapter1 · 29/06/2020 23:01

And also, if your baby wasnt okay, how would she have handled that? 'Oh i guess its not alive oh well away you go'

I would definitely complain.

excitednerves · 29/06/2020 23:03

Ive always had great sonographers so maybe I’m lucky. I’ve always had someone why asks a few questions first “is this your first pregnancy?” Etc and gives me a chance to tell them I’m really nervous, as I’m sure most women are. Maybe because I say it they try to be more sensitive?

I probably wouldn’t have said something (because I’m a wimp) but after saying I was nervous, if I’d them been told “I’ll just check that baby is alive” I think I’d have cried on the spot.

BabyB19 · 29/06/2020 23:03

After having previous loss that would have upset me. Obviously that is what they are checking for but hearing it so bluntly would not be nice at all and could definitely be worded much better!

MojoJojo71 · 29/06/2020 23:04

That’s not unreasonable at all, if I was unintentionally upsetting patients on a regular basis I want to know as I’d be mortified and want to make sure I didn’t do it again, as I’m sure you would too.

Sorry you’ve had such negative experiences. All the best for the rest of your pregnancy flowers]

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 29/06/2020 23:04

OP thank you for doing that.

I have had a bunch of antenatal scans and negative comments really stay with you.

Also the good ones! The sonographer I saw at both my first 12w scans was a young man called Ben. The first time he had to tell me there was really a HB when we thought we had lost DD1 and that pg no 2 was twins!

He was very calm, sensitive but with a sense of humour. You kinda need to be when dealing with whether or not someone's baby is alive or not.....

I am sure that staff member will just be given a Quiet Word and it will be fine.

MojoJojo71 · 29/06/2020 23:05

Oops bunch of flowers fail

Ritchie30 · 29/06/2020 23:15

@Ducky1900 I don’t think you were wrong to give feedback on that at all! I would have done the same thing. Everyone in the room knows that’s the first thing that’s being looked at, it’s no secret, but it certainly doesn’t need to be put so bluntly!

My sonographer at 12 weeks was lovely. She started with “Let’s take a look at this little one first and check everything is as it should be and then we’ll move on to the measurements. Would you like to see the screen from the start or would you like me to have a little look first?”
It was very clear what she was meaning without her being blunt about it! And I really appreciated being given the option to see from the start or not (I wanted to but I know lots of people wouldn’t).

empod · 29/06/2020 23:17

Chubbyhotchoc 💔

sel2223 · 29/06/2020 23:26

it's really interesting to see the different replies to this thread as I think it kind of highlights that it's pretty impossible to please everyone.
Some ladies find it insensitive and unacceptable whereas others actually prefer the blunt, 'tell it to me straight' approach.
The best medical professionals are the ones who can read a person/situstion and act accordingly however not everyone possesses such a skill.

LizzyAnna99 · 29/06/2020 23:29

Even something more like ‘we will just check baby’s heartbeat’ would be a bit better! This is coming from someone who is now pregnant with their ‘rainbow baby’ after 3 MCs. I would like straight factual words (also work in healthcare) but what an odd thing to say

faithfulbird · 30/06/2020 00:26

Definitely complain. Think my heart would have jumped out!

Ffsseriously · 30/06/2020 00:37

The thing is though by being sensitive you aren't going to upset the people who like it straight, but will upset others, who havevreadons to be upset or are more sensitive to language etc.

welshladywhois40 · 30/06/2020 06:41

I would have complained. Having had scans where my baby wasn't alive that is such an insensitive comment.

DappledThings · 30/06/2020 07:16

[quote RedRed9]@DappledThings are you a sonographer (or similar)? How would you have worded it?[/quote]
Probably something like, "first thing we will check I is if there is a heartbeat and that the baby is alive".

So ok using "alive" rather than "dead" but the concept is the same.

No I'm not a sonographer!

user1493413286 · 30/06/2020 07:22

I think you were right to say something; that’s a really distressing way of putting it. So what that it’s what they’re doing - there are a million less distressing ways of putting it

Hannah9176 · 30/06/2020 07:24

We get a leaflet as we go in for the 12 week scan and it explains what the scan is for. The first point actually says "check if there's a heartbeat & confirm baby is alive"

I wouldn't have found it harsh enough to complain (although I can see why people would find it a bit harshly worded) but it definitely would have raised an eyebrow for me.

Emilyw1993 · 30/06/2020 09:02

I would of found that comment really upsetting, and you where right to of said something! There’s so many different ways to of phrased it.

When I went for an early scan I had already told the nurse that my pregnancy was completely unplanned and me and my partner had only known each other a couple of months. And I was really honest with her and said I didn’t know how I was feeling or if I even wanted to have the baby, that all changed when I saw the little heartbeat.
But when I went into the scan the sonographer said congratulations and I instantly burst into tears. I felt so guilty that I had considered not having the baby when she was congratulating me. Obviously they have no idea about anyone’s circumstances, I mentioned this to the nurse and she said she would pass it on.

Cherryrainbow · 30/06/2020 09:38

As someone who has always dealt with customer services in some way in my career I would say all feedback is good whether it's a complaint/ compliment/ observation as it can highlight things for staff particularly where soft skills are concerned.

Cramitmaam · 30/06/2020 09:44

Could there have been a bit of a cultural barrier?

Where I come from no one would bat an eyelid at the sonographer saying that because... well, that is what she is doing. We are much more direct than I found people to be in England.

Either way, I think you were fine to say something. If it is a cultural barrier then she needs to know that it doesn't sound good to the people she is dealing with.

bee222 · 30/06/2020 09:49

I personally wouldn’t have complained. I went to my 12 week scan telling myself it’s to check if the baby is alive - all my scans are to check the baby is alive. I have been told too many times at scans that my baby wasn’t alive. My personal preference is for medical professionals to be direct about what they are doing. It offends me more when they downplay and simplify their language.

Bumbers · 30/06/2020 09:49

I have had a loss at 23 weeks, and a MMC at 12 weeks and am currently 18.5 weeks pregnant

It is my first request that they check the baby is alive every time. I would have liked her comment / approach.

I found it so much worse with my MMC that I could see there was no heartbeat and she just wouldnt respond when I asked if there was no heartbeat. Not being blunt and avoiding telling me reality was much worse.

CluelessBaker · 30/06/2020 10:07

I agree that was thoughtless. I was so nervous at my 12 week scan because I had convinced myself I had had a MMC. The sonographer was so lovely, even though she didn’t know I was particularly anxious. Before she started she said ‘don’t worry if I don’t say anything for a minute because it sometimes takes a moment to get a good position’ and then when she had the baby on the scan she said ‘there you go - lovely strong heartbeat and all looks good’. I don’t think there’s any need to say ‘let’s check if the baby is alive’ when you can say ‘first I’ll check if everything is ok / as it should be’ etc, which is just a more sensitive way of phrasing it.

And it’s not like you kicked up a huge fuss - you just mentioned it to the senior midwife who can mention it to the person who said it, and she can moderate her language next time. That’s a very reasonable resolution.

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