To hate the midwife that strapped my legs in stirrups

[sillybean]

Due second baby very soon (currently just over 39 weeks).

Despite hypnobirthing for both pregnancies, I've suddenly remembered the third midwife I had in my first labour who, inexplicably, after I'd reached full dilation put my legs in stirrups.

After 2 hours of pushing baby didn't come out, and I ended up with forceps and epidural. Why didn't she help me into an optimal birth position? I can't help but feel my baby would have arrived without intervention if she hadn't restricted me (she actually only got one leg in before I kicked off, so I had one leg in stirrup one on bed).

Before the pushing stage I had remained upright, in squatting position at the end of the bed, it was this midwife that said I should lie down and rest before the pushing stage begins. I just hate what she did and the anger has come back!

Not sure what I want from posting this apart from maybe getting some of that anger off my chest!

I’d be annoyed too. I was lucky enough to have a midwife through my pregnancy and at my birth who was on the same page as me.

However it’s time to let it go.. you got your beautiful baby out and now your blessed to be pregnant again. You are wiser this time and you won’t allow that to happen again. You have this x

Thanks @Sasaz you're right. And myself and DH will be more assertive this time.

But I was just lying in bed trying to visualise this labour, all was positive until that memory suddenly entered my head and I just got angry and upset (and started irrationally hating all midewives, ha)

This time will be better! Glad you had a positive experience.

And just re-read my post. I had forceps and episiotomy (not epidural).

Partly positive haha I was induced and i was a bit traumatised afterwards, no fault of anyone though. I did cry a bit afterward that it didn’t go to plan even though I didn’t have much of a plan.
I do feel that because I’ve been through one birth I’ll be better equipped for next time. Just try and look at it like a learning experience and because you went through that your now better equipped to do it this time.

Trauma will do that to you. Pop up invited bringing distress and anger.

You're allowed to feel how you do. Nobody should have done that to you (legally she assaulted you) and it shouldn't have been down to you to kick off to try and stop it. It never should have happened.

Let yourself feel how you do, knowing the feelings will ebb away. Trying to suppress it or reprimanding yourself for how you feel will make it worse.

Your brain is processing what happened and working out if you are safe now or whether it needs to try and protect you from the threat of a repeat (because it did not feel safe when she did that to you). Let it do that job and reinforce to yourself that you are safe.

It isn’t too late to ask for a hospital debrief. ExplaIn how it made you feel and assert that it doesn’t happen again. Add it to your birth plan too.
Although please note if your baby has shoulder dystocia, an optimal position is flat on your back, with your knees up at the side. They’d likely try that before all 4’s xx

Have you had a birth debrief? She should have explained what she was doing and why, but it’s possible that there was a reason. The problem is that you weren’t involved in the decision (which is also a big part of what was ‘wrong’ with my first delivery - the outcome may or may not have been any different but the trauma was related to things that weren’t my choice). But everything in birth requires at least verbal consent, they’re just not always great at getting that consent. Is a midwife led unit an option for you? I had my second in an alongside MLU at a major hospital and it was a very different experience

Hi, sorry for the delay, just wanted to say thanks for your responses.

I've spoken to my midwife and she said to make a note explicitly on my birth plan about no stirrups and about positions in second stage. Which that in itself has made me feel better.

And I have run through the positions with DH and said that I will need to 'dig deep' to get into some of these positions if I'm not already as they will probably come at the toughest stage of labour! We've also gone through the last labour and what we felt was good or could have been better handled. So we both feel more mentally prepared.

I did have a debrief after my first birth, possibly too soon after I'd had my son (as it was about 3 months after giving birth) and I was then mostly focussed on getting to the bottom of why I had forceps - it still wasn't clear as he wasn't in an awkward position, heart rate was fine etc. etc. the midwife said as it was my first labour they could have given me more time, but as I was tired that may have been the reason.

I think it's just now that it's come to me about my position being the thing that may have set off a train of events. And being denied the opportunity to move freely.

I'm at a different hospital (and trust) this time and my midwife care has been so much better (I've had the same midwife throughout). The hospital is smaller than the previous one so there is no separation between MLU or CLU.

Hopefully all of this coupled with the idea that second time round generally there is less intervention makes me feel more in control (though I know every birth is different too!).

Just over 40 weeks now and no sign of anything happening!