EDD 20 days before I’m bridesmaid 🙈

[Littlebee1990]

I’m VERY early but my estimated due date will be around 5th March and my best friend is getting married 25th March.. she knows me and my boyfriend have been TTC and we are SO happy, my bestie said we would just deal with it if it happens and for me not to worry or stress. My dress is a 10.. obviously not going to fit me and I’ll likely have a very newborn.. am I unrealistic to think I’ll still be able to be her bridesmaid!? My other half will be at the wedding and isn’t in the wedding party.. I’m not expecting to be all singing and dancing but hoping to be at ceremony and dinner if we can.. debating buying the same dress in a 16 so I’ve got options.

I know I really shouldn’t be worrying about this at all but would be lovely to hear if anyone has been in a similar situation? Looking for some reassurance that she’s not gonna hate me I guess 🤣

I think I would have struggled to be a bridesmaid 20 days after giving birth, especially as I was breastfeeding so couldn’t even give the baby to my partner to feed. I was still exhausted and hormonal at that stage and the idea of having to get dressed up, put make up and high heels on etc. and stand up in front of everyone would have been hell!

Bear in mind you could go 10-12 days overdue also.

I think going to the wedding is probably doable but being a bridesmaid would be too much. If you go as a guest you don’t have to worry about letting your friend down at the last minute and you can focus on your baby and leave a bit early if needed.

Thank you for your reply @darkstar4855. She has children so I’m sure she understands how difficult it may be, she’s even said to me if I fell pregnant to just not even think about the wedding and if bridesmaid great and if I can’t be because of bubba then she wouldn’t mind at all. Guess I just feel bad and a bit like a shit friend, ridiculous I know x

I'd step down from being a bridesmaid. At day 20, I could barely get myself and baby dressed, never mind be a bridesmaid. I think it'll be enough just to attend the wedding as a guest.

Your EDD could be out. You could be two weeks late. Baby could be a week old at the wedding. You could still be bleeding heavily and changing your pad every hour.

I'd definitely step down and just enjoy the day the best you can with a newborn.

I'm in a similar situation but don't have any advice I'm afraid!! My EDD is 5 weeks before my best friend's wedding (and realistically could end up being closer to 3 weeks between the two!). There are quite a few things I'm worried about, including what the hell am I going to wear - but I won't list them all for fear of causing more concern!!! I know she will be understanding, but she has been a massive part of my life since we were very young and I don't want to let her down. I just keep telling myself that it will all be fine somehow and I'll probably be more concerned with other things when the time comes! The one thing I want to make sure of is not to put too much pressure on myself. I'd rather be there for a bit looking a state than stress myself out.

Thank you for the comment @TokenGinger really helpful.

@Cheeseoncheese Pretty much the ex’s y attitude I’ve taken and I know my friend would be really cross if she knew I was worrying about it

DS was born at 42+1 by EMCS, I think I could have just about managed to show my face at my best friends wedding if it had been 5 days after giving birth but I'm not sure I'd have particularly enjoyed it!

oh no. step down!

i was still bleeding both times approx 3/4 weeks after birth. stitches etc

least as a guest you can just take a back seat and avoid everyone if you want. as a BM, don't doubt the level of work she will expect off you

oh no. step down!

i was still bleeding both times approx 3/4 weeks after birth. stitches etc

least as a guest you can just take a back seat and avoid everyone if you want. as a BM, don't doubt the level of work she will expect off you

Yes, you need to step down as a bridesmaid. Hopefully you and your baby will be able to attend as guests but your job as a bridesmaid is to support the bride and you simply won’t be able to do that.

Thanks everyone, when I saw her a few weeks ago (before I had a BFP) I had said to her if it happens and I’m due around your wedding then I’ll step down to make life easier for us both but she was adamant she wouldn’t want me too and would want me as a bridesmaid if I was there even if it meant not walking down the aisle.. I guess time will yell and not something worth worrying about for now! Baby could be 6 weeks early and I’d have a 2 month old or baby could be 2 weeks late and I’d have a 3 day old, too many variables to really make a decision at all right now I guess x

My EDD 5 days before bridesmaid duties!! Obviously if she comes early then I’ll have to give it a miss but if she’s on time/late then I’ll be walking down the aisle and then sitting down for the rest of the day!

Just play it by ear. I went to a wedding with my 9day old son and it was amazing. I’d have gone when I was 42 weeks too (as long as it was local).
It can be done, but it won’t be like a normal wedding for you. If the baby is here it will be hard to prioritise the bride.
If you’re breastfeeding you really need an accessible dress, because feeding is around the clock. I’d also say you 100% need a bedroom (if the wedding is at a hotel!)
It can be done! Book to get nails etc done, because I went to that wedding with only one hand painted 🙈

Sorry I meant 5 days after*

I should’ve probably said the wedding is less than 10 minutes from my house and my family are invited to the evening.. which will help!

@FudgeFlies - I’m glad you feel that way too because that’s honestly how I’m thinking at the moment!

@BeMorePacific - Yeah exactly the attitude I think I’ll have and the bride I’m pretty sure will be happy to be the same. Thank you for the tip on nails!!!

It sounds like you have a lovely, understanding friend. Why not talk to her and see if she'd be happy for you to be an "honorary bridesmaid", so you go in your bridesmaid dress but only do the bits you feel up to at the time. Maybe you only attend the ceremony (walking up the aisle optional), or only the meal, or maybe even you just pop in to say hello and congratulations and be in a few photos.

That said, when you get there you might not feel well enough, or you might go over and baby only be a few days old. Of course it's up to the bride, too; she may prefer to have you as just a guest so she knows what's going on rather than playing it by ear, and that's fair too. Just be really open with each other and it should be fine x

Congrats!! X

I would have managed myself 2 weeks post partum, everyone is different though and it's only an edd - typically you can go overdue a week or more cutting it very fine. I would suggest seeing if the fabric chosen is available less fitted or better still ask her if you could wear a different style - maternity would be safest! Your partner can watch the baby during the ceremony but the meal will be harder, ask to be seated on the edge as you will be in and out of the room at a guess. I wasn't a bridesmaid but I took dd to a wedding at 4 weeks and it was fine - I was breastfeeding so fed at the table, few people realised that there was a newborn there, we then left after the cake was cut as I was tired

I personally wouldn't. I'm getting married when I'll be 2-3 months pp and I know I'll be exhausted. I'd talk to your friend and see if just being a guest would be suitable for you. Plus you mentioned baby could be early and be nearly 2 months old for example. Trust me as a parent to a baby born 7 weeks early it doesn't work like that, they are very much still a new born at their due date and probably only just left the scbu. I'd step back and just see what you can manage as a guest

No chance
Step down now it’s not fair on your friend to put that pressure on you
I was 13 days overdue when DS1 was born babies are often late. there’s no way you or a newborn should be attempting a whole day wedding, you’ll be bleeding, hormonal and recovering

I am in the exact same position but there is only 12 days between the wedding and my due date which is in 3 months and I’m the maid of honour 😩.

I had her round for dinner the other night and we had a discussion and I just said I don’t think it’s a good idea and I think I should step down and I could tell She was so relieved and so was I!

It’s far to much pressure on both sides to try and make it work and I honestly feel like a weight has been lifted now we have had the conversation.

Everyone is different but I would definitely have the conversation just now instead of months of worrying :) xx

Your friend sounds lovely but I would just caution that in insisting that you be there as a bridesmaid come what way you could end up feeling quite pressured. Unless she has children herself she doesn’t quite appreciate what she’s asking of you. You might have to be quite firm with her if you decide that being there as a bridesmaid is a bit much.

It can't be helped. You can't plan your life around other people's events. Sounds like your friend has been really fair and understanding. I know people who have fallen out over things like this!

By all means, play it by ear. You might be early, you might feel ok. Personally I wouldn't want the extra pressure of being a bridesmaid and having to fit into a certain dress or be part of the wedding party which makes the day a lot longer and more demanding. Could you maybe explain to your friend it would be easier for you just to be a guest? That way you can still be there to enjoy the day even with a newborn but you can also arrive later and leave earlier without feeling bad?

If I were in your shoes I would keep it flexible (if your friend is genuine about not minding) - if you step down but are one of the lucky ones whose baby comes at 39 weeks and bounces back immediately you might regret it if you step down. If you go 2 weeks over and have a c-section you might not be up for it.
You know your personality and your friends' personality the best -- be honest with her and ask.

It's really hard to predict. I don't think you should put pressure on yourself to decide now 'what' you should be doing. I think your friend is being kind trying to say don't worry. There's loads of time, see how it goes.

Maybe have a look at a nice evening dress from Isabelle Oliver maternity or similar instead of a bridesmaid dress, that looks like it coordinates. So you can fit bump in, or post partum bump, and breast feeding. There will be bargains to be had.

You honestly will not know how you are until the late days of pregnancy/post partum.

Ds1. Failed induction Emcs 40+10 awful pregnancy, sick start to finish, fussy baby.

Frankly, still looked & felt like roadkill until 3 months post partum. Not a chance would I be going to wedding. Photos would look like I was a ghost would turned up to bless the union.

Dd1 vbac 40+12 sick early pregnancy, got better late pregnancy. Much bigger. Yep, fine, could have got to wedding OK. No wearing of dresses though. Needed more, er, suck it all in type support. Ten pairs of spanx maybe?

Ds2. 40+14 (seeing the theme?). Felt Fab throughout pregnancy, fast birth, chilled baby. Could have organised the wedding, never mind attended.

I was up and out the day after birth, so not everyone would struggle. It depends on what type of birth you have, any complications etc. I wouldn’t rule it out personally.

My bridesmaid was the same as you; she was adamant that she was going to be there unless medically she couldn’t but as far as I was concerned her and the baby’s wellbeing was the priority. We kept it quite flexible that she could decide what she wanted to do when the baby arrived including whether she came but wasn’t a bridesmaid if she wasn’t comfortable with that or just came for a small let down the day. She bought the same dress in a bigger size so she had options depending on how she was after having her baby. In the end she was able to come and be a bridesmaid although I’m still amazed by it as I don’t think i could have managed it in her position. A good friend won’t react badly but if she does then give her a bit of time to come to her senses as even the most sensible person can become a bit bridezilla