Health visitor

[Birdy1991]

Hi all

Wondering what people’s experiences of health visitors was.
Mine randomly called for the first time yesterday. Then had a video chat. First thing she asked was if the baby was planned and when I said no, she grilled me on ‘what had happened’. I didn’t know if I was oversensitive in thinking this was a bit personal and not really relevant as the baby is very much wanted.... otherwise she seemed nice but I felt a bit nervous talking to her. Am I being sensitive due to hormones etc??

You are being a bit sensitive. It’s part of a list of questions they have to try and access how much support you need. Remember you don’t need to answer any questions or be involved in the health services at all. My HV is as about as much use as a chocolate tea pot but the nursery nurse attached to the team is amazing. If I had any issue where I needed a HV then I would ask for a different, it’s your right to to do so.

Mine has been both excellent and rubbish for different things. If your child has any issues that need referring to other specialists having the hv on side really helps.

@Lockdownseperation I didn’t really know it was optional. I guess I’m still not really sure what they do yet and I was caught off guard! also I’m still finding it weird not doing things face to face.

The one who came to see me when my baby was born was both great and useless. Wonderful at listening to me and supporting my mental health, often made mistakes in my baby’s charts which caused me no end of distress until I realised she’s just marked the wrong box.

The one who did his one year review was awful and just made me feel like a bad mother (I’m 95% sure I’m not)

In terms of the questions, I think they have a list of things to go through and boxes to fill in but totally agree you shouldn’t feel “grilled”, it should be supportive.

I had such a terrible experience with HVs I avoided them like the plague. When my HV came over after the baby was born she got her clipboard out and basically quizzed me, trying to catch me out about all the ways I could kill my baby. She spent her time saying 'well dont do this, and dont do that' and "well recent research says that's wrong". I had been around babies since I was a toddler. I knew what I was doing. She shattered my confidence to pieces. Then she said "you have no family here so we need to watch you". I freaked out. I didnt get my baby weighed for a year because I didnt want to go near them. When my psychosis kicked in I avoided the doctor because I thought they would have me on some sort of looney watch list and say I wasnt a fit mom.

I am sure all her questions were part of her job, but I found her so lacking in any empathy or understanding about how to deal with a sleep deprived, hormonal, lonely mother and she only helped to break me.

My HV was really odd to begin with but she did explain that they just have to ask certain questions and tell you things you probably already know, but they have to be sure you know. I’ve spoken to her a few times and she seems much more normal 😂 I think she was thrown because my mum was there and I didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to be!

I was asked about my parents, my dad has passed away. She clung on to that which I thought was odd but apparently a deceased parent can be a trigger for PND.

I'm a FTM too and had a telephone appointment with HV last week. It went on for more than an hour and she definitely asked a lot of questions but my experience overall was positive.
Some of the above stories are terrible!

It sounds like they can be a strange bunch 😂
I’m sure now all the preliminary questions are out of the way it’ll be fine! Is everyone else speaking to theirs on video calls or are they doing home visits?

I'm pregnant with my second and have never been asked if either was planned.

Op can I ask how old you are?

We aren't all strange I promise :) But we do have a list of question that we have to ask, and trust me, we feel as awkward asking as you do answering!!! I do try and explain this to all parents though before ploughing on in.

I would tell her to mind her own business

@bestservices different trusts have different standard questions. HV services are generally commissioned by local public health boards, so there is no standard across the UK. Although the 5 mandated visits should be offered to every family, and are detailed in The Healthy Child programme if you wanted to bore yourself silly reading up on them :)

Mine have never been less than completely useless. Every time i have gone to them with a query (stuff i would have thought was fairly standard for them - is there anything you should do about baby acne, what’s the best way to wean a dairy-free baby) they have only ever said 1) I don’t know, ask your gp or 2) “that sounds really worrying.” My anxiety is always 5x as bad when i put the phone down as it was before.

I have never been asks inappropriate questions from my HV, they come and do their checks then toddle off again, waste of time really but suppose if somebody is struggling it would be nice to know someone is their to help.

@bestservices I’m 28.

I suppose different trusts have different procedures 😬

I just wondered if you were very young and that's why she was asking. Seems like a weird question to me but maybe some HV are told to ask.

@bestservices no worries! I’m glad it’s not just me that thought so! X

My 1st HV visit i just didnt like her. Harsh i know but she was a miserable sod.
Not looking forward to her visiting now little one is born

My HV was brilliant. She was a huge help to us. We had her visit a lot longer than is “normal” because DD was premature, but she was fantastic.