Announcing PG with strained family relationships? Help please

[hummingbirdhm]

Hi everyone. I really hope you might be able to help me. I am 12 weeks PG with ultrasound booked this week. I need to announce my pregnancy soon (and sooner than I had hoped to) because I am really showing. Also my boobs have grown massively and it’s really, really obvious. My bosses and colleagues are bound to notice if they haven’t already and I just need to get it out in the open. I’m naturally quite slim with small boobs and it is very obvious!
My main issue is that I currently have quite a strained relationship with my family, and it’s mostly all related to covid-19 and lockdown! I have stuck to the rules very strictly whereas my parents, siblings and cousins have been far more relaxed. They have all seen each other frequently over lockdown and even had a gathering over the weekend. I refused to go to this. I felt it was wrong, and especially insulting given that my DH is a frontline emergency services worker (sigh). So it’s been a pretty stressful time for me and the early pregnancy has been difficult including a trip to A&E and EPU.
I haven’t told my family about any of this, mainly because I have been worried about the pregnancy and I just really haven’t wanted to tell the world (my family cannot keep a secret). They are usually very nice people and I know they will be happy about the pregnancy, but we’re currently not talking due to my disagreement with their party! I feel so isolated in all of this and upset to be in this position. My DH is incredibly supportive but he has a lot on with work. He can’t wait to tell his family, but I don’t know how to go about telling mine. I feel like it’s completely ruined the excitement of announcing it. I don’t want to make my DH wait any longer as he is absolutely bursting to announce.
Can anyone give advice on how to announce to family members when there is a strained relationship?
Thank you x

I wonder whether announcing the pregnancy would help them understand why you are being more cautious?

We told my partners family before we told mine and some people at work knew before both sets of families. The order you tell people is up to you, I wouldn't necessarily feel that you must tell your family because you have told your partners if that is what you would rather do.

How is your relationship normally with your family?

Just tell them. It doesn’t need to be a big affair associated with a social gathering as Facebook seems to suggest these days. A phone call or text if you prefer. It’s your news and you can share it now and when you feel ready.

Let your husband tell his family, I don’t see what the problem is.

If your family are being so childish as to not talk to you, they will miss out on the news.

That’s what happens when you don’t talk to people. It’s a logical consequence.

Whether you are PG or not, you are right to follow the Covid guidelines. You don’t need an excuse to look after your own health.

I second what @Superscientist says, maybe they will understand better once they know you are pregnant (whether it affected how you feel or not!)

I would just tell them - it might make things worse if you don't and they feel that you hid it from them...

Thanks so much @Superscientist @Anaesthetist83 @PAND0RA @LoveSunshine01

It is very comforting to read your replies.

I think you're all right. My concern is that there are overlaps with my work and family circles and it feels like this kind of news spreads very quickly. I still love and respect my family enough to not want them to find out through the grapevine. We are usually close, but they are very relaxed regarding rules etc which is the complete opposite of me.

I think @Anaesthetist83 probably has it right. It seems very big news to me (I didn't think we would have kids and have been married for years) but to others its fairly normal news. I am not on FB currently so not looking for a big reveal. I just had hoped it would be a bit more special than a strained phone call or text.

Maybe something like this could bring you back together again.

I'm not sure what you expect if you're not talking to them. Also, so what if they had a gathering. So long as its by the rules there's nothing wrong with it.

You're only hurting yourself doing this, they don't know you're pregnant, if you feel like crap now imagine what you'll feel like if they find out elsewhere.

You could limit it to your mum or something and let her tell everyone else. It's a big a deal as you're prepared to make it.

@NobodyPuttsBabyinCorner

Maybe something like this could bring you back together again.

I'm not sure what you expect if you're not talking to them. Also, so what if they had a gathering. So long as its by the rules there's nothing wrong with it.

You're only hurting yourself doing this, they don't know you're pregnant, if you feel like crap now imagine what you'll feel like if they find out elsewhere.

You could limit it to your mum or something and let her tell everyone else. It's a big a deal as you're prepared to make it.

Thanks for your reply. I didn't attend but from the usual numbers in our family it would have been around 20 people. It may seem that I am being uptight but I find it a hard pill to swallow when my husband has the job he does. We've mutually fallen out about it, as in neither party is speaking to each other.

I would go to the scan then ring your mum afterwards, then maybe tell work as as you say the gossip train will be on the move by then :)

Go to your scan and get a picture. Let your DH tell his DPs. If you don't feel you can speak to your DPs face to face then send a family Whatsapp saying "You may think I've been overly cautious recently about meeting up. This is the reason, I hope you understand" and include the scan picture. Then the ball is in their court if they want to speak/congratulate you. Tell work the very next day.

I hope it all goes well for you this week OP.