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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Baby dad.

11 replies

Baby2629 · 22/06/2020 10:36

Hi all,

So currently 27 weeks pregnant and have been separated from my partner due to him working with the public through this pandemic. But now we have been apart he's got better interests in other people than he has me now. Examples, messaging other girls, changing passwords, adding new girls (who I've been told to never worry about) I just don't even know how to feel or what to do. I don't have anyone who I can talk to... if anyone has any advice please
Help me

OP posts:
WhatWouldDominicDo · 22/06/2020 10:38

Dump him. And stop calling him "baby dad".

Baby2629 · 22/06/2020 10:45

@WhatWouldDominicDo

Dump him. And stop calling him "baby dad".
We have been together 5 years. It's so hard but clearly there isn't what there used to be
OP posts:
AliasGrape · 22/06/2020 10:46

He sounds like a shit.
Get rid.
I know it’s easier said than done when you’re expecting a baby but it’s bad enough you’re having to deal with this in your pregnancy, it will be hell and will send you under with a newborn! He’s not going to change. He’s not a good partner. He may yet turn out to be a half decent father but it’s not looking great at the moment.

Dump him and focus on getting through the rest of your pregnancy without this stress and having to worry about what he’s doing with who. Then you can put all your energy into building a lovely life for you and your newborn and not waste it running after an arsehole who is more interested in getting his ego (and maybe other parts of him) stroked by whatever random woman he can find to interact with him on social media.

WhatWouldDominicDo · 22/06/2020 10:49

Sorry OP - that was a bit short. Alias has summed up my thoughts well.
If he can't stick by you through The Covid, he's not going to stick by you through pregnancy and child rearing, where, rightly, your focus will often not be on him.

Bud do stop calling him "baby dad"!

Baby2629 · 22/06/2020 10:55

@AliasGrape

He sounds like a shit. Get rid. I know it’s easier said than done when you’re expecting a baby but it’s bad enough you’re having to deal with this in your pregnancy, it will be hell and will send you under with a newborn! He’s not going to change. He’s not a good partner. He may yet turn out to be a half decent father but it’s not looking great at the moment.

Dump him and focus on getting through the rest of your pregnancy without this stress and having to worry about what he’s doing with who. Then you can put all your energy into building a lovely life for you and your newborn and not waste it running after an arsehole who is more interested in getting his ego (and maybe other parts of him) stroked by whatever random woman he can find to interact with him on social media.

Thank you so much. I know he's horrible and treats me like shit but how do you just stop loving someone I don't understand! How do I stop being a door mat? How do I stop caring? I just don't know what to do.
OP posts:
PAND0RA · 22/06/2020 11:03

You don’t try to stop loving him.

You dump him because you have self respect and want better for your baby. And you don’t want to risk you health and baby’s health catching an STI. And you want to look after your own mental health and happiness.

And you want to precious time with your new baby not to be tarnished by worrying about who he is shagging.

Then you watch how he behaves after you dump him. See if he steps up and takes responsibility for his own poor choices. If he respects your rights. If he arranges to see the baby and pay child support.

Then you won’t have to try to stop loving him. Because you will see what a cheating bastard he is and the love will die, all on its own.

Just stop listening to his works and watch his actions.

sel2223 · 22/06/2020 11:08

He doesn't deserve you OP, do you have support around you to do this on your own?

I'm over 32 weeks now and have been separated from my baby's dad since mid march (we're on lockdown in different countries). Even from all those miles away, I have felt loved and supported every single day. It's hard but being separated due to Covid is not an excuse for him to start messaging other women and making you feel alone and insecure. He sounds like a piece of work to be honest. You don't have to put up with this.

LatteLover12 · 22/06/2020 11:14

How do you stop caring? Because in 3 months time you'll have a little person who will be the centre of your world and who you will only want the best for.

Your partner sounds like an absolute nightmare who you could never trust and who would make your life immeasurably harder. Believe me, you don't need that on top of caring for a newborn.

This is the best time to dump him, you don't even need to see him.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy in peace, not getting stressed about what he's up to and when baby arrives do not put him on the birth certificate!

crazychemist · 22/06/2020 11:24

You don’t stop loving him. You don’t have control over that, it’s involuntary. But you put him aside because you’re going to be a mum and you need to do what’s right for your baby. This guy sounds like definite trouble - you say he treats you like shit.

He may still be a good dad (I’m not convinced, guys like this don’t usually turn out that way). Be completely clear to him - in writing if you think you can’t say this to his face, or by phone (but if so, make it clear you don’t want to be interrupted till you’ve finished and write yourself a script if it helps!). Something along the lines of:

“This relationship isn’t what I want. I’m not interested in placing any blame, but we aren’t right for each other any more. This isn’t a game, and I’m not trying to change you, but you aren’t what I need, and I’m not what you need. There’s no need for anything to get nasty, and I’m hoping you want a relationship with your child and I’d like to do what I can to support that. I’m not ready to discuss details yet, and we both need time to think, so we won’t talk about it now. But please have a think and I’ll contact you again in two months when we’ve you’ve had time to think about what you want. Please don’t contact me in the meantime as I need a bit of space too.”

Then DON’T speak to him for 2 months. You’ll only be 35 weeks, so in all likelihood you’ll still have some time before baby is born. You do your best to get over this guy in the meantime. My guess is, he’ll move on and be all over other women in the meantime.

Don’t let him bully you over contact. If he asks for something unreasonable, you need to say so e.g. if you choose to breastfeed, he won’t be able to take your child alone for some time. He has to respect that, there will be plenty of time for him to spend with his child once they are older and less dependent on you. Overnight stays will have to wait until your DC is able to sleep independently (and you won’t know in advance when that will be there, is HUGE variation!)

Good luck. Stay strong.

Baby2629 · 22/06/2020 12:01

@crazychemist I really needed that pick up. Thank you so much. All I want is the best for me and baby and thought us being a family would be but he clearly has better interests and it's not me. I'm only young and never expected this to turn this way as we were both so happy. I don't feel I can say anything to anyone else even tho my family would be so supportive I don't want the attention and I'd feel embarrassed and failure. Staying strong is going to be so hard. Going to speak to my midwife to see if I can get seen any help

OP posts:
Baby2629 · 22/06/2020 12:20

Thank you all so much for your support.

Will give all of these a go and just put my baby first as that is the main priority and dealing with this now is bad enough let alone when having a newborn here too. So here goes day 1. Thank you all again

OP posts:
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