Going through chemical pregnancy

[irwine]

Hi, I've in the process of having a chemical pregnancy and I feel almost broken. Has anyone else been through the same thing, I just feel so awful. xx

Hi OP, I'm sorry you're going through this.

Most people don't even realise they've had a chemical and that's why I wouldn't personally test super early, i would wait until my period was due. It saves so much extra heartache.

Be kind to yourself.

I've definitely learnt from this, feel heartbroken but am sure it will get better: thank you for your kind words xx

Hi OP, yes I've been through a few of these, 3 with the last ending last month. Each time I haven't even tested early, the last time my period was a week late before I tested. But still after a week or two my tests have got fainter and then I've started to bleed.

It's so horrible, I hope you're doing ok. It's so hard because it's not the kind of thing you can speak about with many people, and I feel guilty every time for being sad as it's so early and I know people have much more traumatic late miscarriages. Not helped by DH advising me to 'just think of it as a late period'... But you cant help how you feel, so be kind to yourself and let yourself be sad.

After two I had a successful pregnancy and have a lovely 8 month old son, so please don't worry about the future. The last CP I had was a surprise pregnancy, which didn't help me feel less sad!

Sending lots of love xxx

Thanks so much. I didn't even know what a chemical pregnancy was until now, I want to start trying again but I feel like I need to get myself emotionally better before we do. Thank you for your love, and it's comforting to know that there is hope for the future xx

@Irwine I am so sorry to hear this. I had 2 when trying for the first time and I was devastated both times. It was the false hope and loss of a dream that hurts the most. It's surprising how much you plan and get excited for a baby in such a short time of knowing.

To share a positive and give you some hope this is how my story worked out:

As I said I had 2 chemical pregnancies before I was pregnant with DS (now coming up to 3)
I had a chemical pregnancy in the November (I felt "pregnant" and had a positive test then lost symptoms and began bleeding, light spotting at first before becoming like a normal period and then a negative test)

Then had a normal period in December (after a normal cycle which I was shocked about)

Then already in January I had another positive test! Unfortunately this also resulted in a chemical pregnancy.
But only the next month in February I had yet another positive test and this was my DS who stuck and is now nearly 3!
So just know it shouldn't stop your ability to get pregnant again soon so don't lose hope (I definitely did after the 2nd CP but there was no need!)

I am now currently 29 weeks pregnant with my second who is a little girl, no chemicals this time but 6 months of trying before we got a positive.

So please hang on in there as I know at the time I felt like I'd never have my little family but the time has flown by since those days and here I am now with 1 and a half babies lol

There isn't a great deal of support for chemical pregnancies I found, I felt at the time silly for being upset as it was so early (I was told on more than one occasion it was "just an egg") but do allow yourself to grieve as it's still the loss of a dream and when TTC every week and month can feel sooo long!

Sending love xxx

Yes, I have, I found out at 4+1 and started bleeding at 4+4. I was absolutely devastated it broke my heart and I felt that no one really understood as it was so early. This was at the start of 2018. I’m currently 23+2 with my first baby and can feel her moving as I type this. It’ll get better, I won’t lie - what happened has prevented me from fully enjoying this pregnancy because I’ve been quite anxious but you will eventually start to heal xxx

You're all so lovely thank you. I think it's the loss that I'm grieving- and thinking of what could have been. And I feel in turmoil about when to start trying again, and when I'll ever feel ready- nothing really prepares you for the stress of trying for a family, and the little quirks that happen. I'm still bleeding quite a lot and every time I change a pad, it makes me feel so unwell thinking what might have been. Thank you all for understanding xxx

I totally get you. It really affected me too, more than I ever would've thought! I felt so much guilt as well, convinced I did something wrong but I promise you now it is not your fault at all. I did everything by the book, don't drink or smoke etc but I still managed to think it must have been caused by something I had or hadn't done and of course that can't be right as I would never have gotten pregnant if that was the case! So please don't blame yourself as it's the worst it really can and does happen to just anyone.

To be honest the bleeding is the worst bit as it's a constant reminder.

You need to do whatever you feel is best for you right now but for me I just stopped bleeding and tried to carry on as normal - mainly because I thought that having a CP would mean my cycles were all messed up and it may take months before we got anywhere and I didn't want to waste time (so was quite a shock when I got pregnant twice more in really quick succession) yes it was hard having it happen a second time (I even worried there could be a problem with me and went to the docs who didn't want to know as we'd only been trying about 5/6 months) but before I knew it I finally had one stick and he's here now driving me crazy during lockdown ❤️

Can I ask if you were on the pill before trying? This is not medical advice or proven at all and is only me speculating but I always wondered if my womb lining was still thin from coming off the pill and it just needed time to thicken up again for the egg to really "stick"

Also - it really is so stressful trying for a baby! Nobody ever warns you of it! I have soo many friends who conceived first month of trying too with no difficulties.

I wasn't even trying that long in comparison to some, first time was about 6/7 months from coming off the pill to successful conception and that felt sooo long!

Even second time round where I thought I'd be totally chilled out knowing my body has already done it once I was so stressed even after only the first period! Our sex life really suffered with the stress and pressure if it and I even googled things like secondary infertility assuming I'd never have another 🤦🏼‍♀️ it's utterly ridiculous looking back as within 6 months we had a positive and it doesn't seem long at all now but I know at the time every month drags!

Just know you aren't alone and I went through all these same emotions and worries that you are now. It's totally normal! Baby making sent me loopy 😅

Hope you're ok, it'll be much easier to get over when the bleeding stops and you don't have a constant reminder ❤️ your hormones will probably also be all over the place! So be kind to yourself xxx

I just feel so devastated. This was actually mine and my husband's first month of 'seriously' trying and I was so happy, and surprised, to receive the positive test result last week. So I went through all the emotions of that, and then went the bleeding started this morning, it just was so horrendous. I feel like I've lost a baby, and I know that's so silly because it was so so early. I actually had the coil removed in January, so wasn't on any hormonal contraceptive. Worst thing is I feel so inadequate and like I've let everyone down. And the cramping and bleeding are like this constant reminder. xx

Oh I also felt like I'd let everyone down too as though it was my fault it had all happened 🤦🏼‍♀️
Which I know isn't true at all, it's just one of those things that happen so often and nobody knows why, there's no reason for it. I think being the one who carries the pregnancy there is always this immense pressure and responsibility.
give yourself time to grieve ❤️

I had multiple miscarries, both chemical and first trimester. Please try not to get your hopes up until you see a heartbeat at 8 weeks. That is when the miscarriage rate drops a lot. I know it's hard but try not to envision lots of stuff before then. It's so common to have an early miscarriage, IIRC it's 20% or so.