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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnant at 18

19 replies

anon456789 · 18/06/2020 03:15

Im 18 and currently 3 months pregnant and I have no idea how i'm going to cope i guess, I'm only in year 12 due to retaking a year so i've still got another year left of college.

I have no job and no money.

I've still not told anyone I'm pregnant except the baby's dad who has told me the baby isn't his and has now blocked me on everything. He also happens to be alot older than me and I know if my parent found out how old he was they'd go crazy so i can probably never tell them who the dad even is.
My parent are going to kill me when they find out and i have no idea how to even tell them.

I'm basically just looking for advice

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Original poster

anon456789 · 18/06/2020 06:29

anyone?

OP posts:

DontGoJasonWaterfalls · 18/06/2020 06:35

Hi anon

First and foremost, what do you want to do? How do you feel about being pregnant? It's important to know that first before you start thinking about anything else ❤️

I had my daughter at 19 in my second year of uni, and my sister is currently pregnant at 18. Our parents reacted badly when they found out, but once the shock subsided they coped. My DD is 6 now and they dote on her and they're so excited for my sisters baby to arrive.

By the time I told my parents, I'd decided I was going to continue the pregnancy, so I worded it as "I'm having a baby" rather than "I'm pregnant". It made my intentions clear and didn't really leave much room for them to argue.

ShalomToYouJackie · 18/06/2020 06:37

Hi OP,

Have you got anybody you can speak to in real life? It might be worth finding a friend or charity to talk through your options with.

You don't have to go through with the pregnancy if you don't want to, it's your body and your choice and whatever you choose to do has to be the right thing for you.

How old is the father? He's behaved in a very immature way and I'm sorry he's blocked you.

borntohula · 18/06/2020 06:40

Well, you are an adult so your parents can really only give you their opinions, rather than 'tell you off.'

Twizbe · 18/06/2020 06:41

You can contact the British pregnancy advice service for some independent advice on the situation. They can talk you through your options and support that is available to you.

You really need to tell someone soon. You'll be needed some ante natal care if you plan to have baby, if you don't you have a time limit to do something.

How old is the father?

Please speak to someone you trust.

Original poster

anon456789 · 18/06/2020 06:43

@borntohula i mean i still live with them and am financially dependant on them so they can still 'tell me off'

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Original poster

anon456789 · 18/06/2020 06:47

@Twizbe, @ShalomToYouJackie
the father is in his 30s
i want the baby i'm just not sure if it would be a selfish choice to keep the baby considering I don't really have the means to look after it. I'm definatley going to continue the pregnancy though but am unsure if i should give the baby up for adoption or keep the baby

OP posts:

tiredandemosh1 · 18/06/2020 06:54

Have you seen a midwife yet? Hopefully you'll be allocated a young persons midwife who will understand and be able to gather the correct support for you xxx

Original poster

anon456789 · 18/06/2020 06:58

@DontGoJasonWaterfalls
I'm definatley going to continue the pregnancy and want to kepp the baby but just unsure if it would be in the baby's best interest to give it up for adoption as i don't know how i'd provide it with a stable home.
I'm mostly worried to tell my parents as they're very opionated and i don't want them to convice me to make a choice that I ight regret in the future

OP posts:

Original poster

anon456789 · 18/06/2020 07:06

@tiredandemosh1 no not yet, i've got an apoinment with my gp next week

OP posts:

Laurenemma13 · 18/06/2020 07:07

Hi OP,

I'm so sorry you're going through all this atm yourself.

My mum had me when she was 18, she fell pregnant at 17. She also lived with my gran at the time and didn't tell her until 3months when my gran has figures it out after she was being sick each morning!
My gran was shocked as she became a gran at 40 and was worried about my mum. I also dont see my biological father (his choice).
I'm 28 now and exceptionally close with both my mum and my gran.
As it seems you want to keep the baby, I would I would sit down with your parents and tell them that you're pregnant and that you do want to keep it and you need their support more than ever just now.

Good luck xx

TwinkleStars15 · 18/06/2020 07:08

@anon456789 is there someone at college that you could speak to? A support worker or counsellor of some kind? Most colleges have them.
Are you sure you are 3 months? If so, you do need to start thinking about getting a scan to check if things are okay. You just need to call your GP and ask to be referred to the midwife. You might want to consider telling your parents before this? Maybe they will support you through it?
If you think your parents are quite opinionated and pushy, you might want to make you decision before telling them, so that you can be clear what it is you want. They may surprise you and support your decision, whatever that may be.

EverythingBlue2020 · 18/06/2020 07:14

I had a baby when I was 17 and felt terrified to tell parents. Dad wasn't involved either. Everything worked out fine (these things always find a way to be ok) and he's now 20 and at university. He's amazing and I'm so thankful for him.

I'm about to have baby no:2!

You will be fine, baby will be fine x

zippityzip · 18/06/2020 07:15

I was quite young when I fell pregnant with my first. I was so nervous telling my family but ultimately I was an adult and even if they are shocked or angry they will come around.

The only advice I can give, is if you're keeping the baby then have a plan.
Figure out how you can continue studying, childcare, living at home with their help, saving money etc. If you have a plan there is very little they an argue with.

It's doable. Yes it's a shock and you're young but you're capable and you can work/study/live with a baby.

And just because he denies the baby is his, doesn't mean you can't go through CMS to get financial support from the dad.

Marybird · 18/06/2020 07:22

I'm writing this because it sounds like you want this baby: You wont always be poor and 18. It is so tough, but with the right support, you can still get an education/job and be a parent... If you keep the baby or give the baby up for adoption, it will be life changing and unfortunately no outcome can ever guarantee a stable home. Start researching adoption (lots of videos on youtube) you will know what you want to do if you explore all options. You probably need to be resolute in your decision before you speak to your parents. It sounds like they care though, don't underestimate that.
I agree with the others - you should tell someone who knows you or who can offer you some real life support, this is a lot to carry alone. Good luck x

IndieRo · 18/06/2020 07:47

If you have decided you want to keep the baby then that is your decision. Do not let anybody change your mind. Things have a way of working themselves out. A baby at 18 will not ruin your life. My friend had a baby at 17 after a one night stand with an older man. She considered abortion but went ahead with the pregnancy. Her son is now 20 years old and she wouldn't change him for the world. She has pursued her career goals and has a lovely home and is in a stable and loving relationship the last 10 years. Plus she is still young enough to enjoy her life as her son can look after himself.

Superscientist · 18/06/2020 07:58

I don't have much advice from the pregnancy front. I do have an auntie who is about my age and her two children at 19 and 21. The family was briefly shocked and worried about how they would cope but that quickly turned to "how can we support you through this".

I was about your age when I needed to have a difficult conversation with my parents. My doctor at the time suggested this approach. Ask them to sit down as you have something important to tell them. Tell them them that it is hard for you to say this and you would like them just to listen and when they have had some time to process it you can sit and discuss it together. Tell how you would like them to react and what you need from them. Remind them that you love them and are still the daughter they know.
The decision to have the conversation was taken out of my hands and my doctor had to have it instead so I don't know how well it would have gone. I wish I had been able to tell my parents on my terms. It is scary when you have to break big news to your parents. Try not to take their initial reaction to heart even though best of us have rubbish first reactions to things.

Regarding school, there will be time to get qualifications and build a life. My sister had to drop out of 6th form for health reasons a few years later she started distance learning courses by 25 she had a career and good qualifications. Schools often focus on the a levels, degrees, job model but there are other good options out there that can help you build a career and a life for you and your child if that is what you want to do.

ChickenDipper28 · 18/06/2020 08:03

My mum had me at 18. She had nothing(house, money, etc). She lived with my grandparents and was too scared to tell them too. When she eventually did, they didn't stay 'upset' for too long before they started to get excited. Although my Grandad didn't speak to her for a couple of days, he too got excited and when I was born everything changed. I had the best relationship with my Grandad and we were really close. We were the best of friends.

My mum built her life up. She started from the bottom with me but now she's at the top. She wasn't with my dad either, but now I have the most amazing step dad ever who I see as my dad ❤️

I'm now 27 and pregnant myself, my mum wouldn't change anything for the world although she was a scared 18 year old. Ive had an amazing relationship because she's always been a younger mum so we've got along really well. Think of it like this, having a child younger you get to spend many more years with them, watching them grow and when they are old enough to start their own lives, you'll still have the time to do the things you want to do in your life.

You'll always have your family and friends there to support you. It may not feel like it now, but when you look back you'll wonder what all the worry was about 😊 I hope you feel better soon.

Bekka94 · 18/06/2020 23:34

Whatever you decide to do is your choice! But you really do need to tell your parents especially because you depend on them for somewhere to live and financially it's scary I understand that.
There is a lot of support out there for young mums down to housing and finances and the babys dad whether he likes it or not will have to pay his maintenance! Your really not alone and if it's something you feel strongly about don't back down for convenience people do come round especially family.. good luck

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