Just that really. Feel really shit. My partner is dealing with some stuff of his own and isnt able to be supportive at the moment, which still doesnt stop me from feeling annoyed that he isnt being supportive. I feel very, very lonely. I went for a walk with a friend today for the first time since March, but I didnt enjoy it at all. Everything feels pointless. I dont feel excited about seeing my baby, which I feel beyond guilty about. I feel like he deserves better than a rubbish mum and dad.
I'm under the perinatal mental health team and speak to them every week but theres nothing they can do, it feels pointless talking to them. Theres nothing anyone can do about the way I feel. I feel like everything is pointless. I miss being happy. I miss my mum who lives 3 hours away. I miss my life. I just feel shit most of the time since January, so this was going on even before all the restrictions.
I dont know what the point of this post is.
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Pregnancy
Feel really really down
UrsulaSings · 14/06/2020 16:09
So sorry to hear of your struggles 
I’ve had really bad battles with anxiety in the past and I know how if your mind/mental health is in a bad way, everything else is affected. I remember how dark/sad/alone I used to feel. The prospect of ever going back there terrifies me so I was really saddened to read your post.
Are you on any meds? Sertraline really helped me an awful lot in the past and my friend took it while pregnant - she’s still on it for depression but is doing really well on it. It really gave me myself back; although I realise that sounds like a weird thing to say!
Can your mum come and visit? I know it’s controversial but I’d break lockdown to be honest in your circumstances. I think if you feel this lonely and low, it’s really important to do whatever makes you feel better.
I think it’s good to remember that emotions are never permanent. My darkness eventually passed - In my case through counselling, meds, regular exercise and changing my job.
I think it’s completely understandable that you aren’t excited about the baby. How can you be when you feel so sad? I think a lot of people don’t enjoy pregnancy/feel a bond but then the baby arrives and they feel completely differently. I think your priority is getting yourself right/happier. Be kind to yourself - feeling guilty is unnecessary. You’re doing your best here with little support and some very difficult circumstances what with Covid. I’m not surprised you miss your life. Sending you a virtual hug and sorry for the essay!
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