How's the baby doing? I hate this question

[riromay]

So my mil (who I like normally) has this annoying habit of asking me how the baby is doing. The baby in question is in my belly (18 weeks ) and I have no idea how she's doing. I mean .. I hope everything is well but WHYYYY, why is she always asking this?

I'm not normally anxious but I can be a little bit when pregnant and this question doesn't help because it reminds me how little control I have over her wellbeing.

How can I answer this so she stops asking ?

Its pretty obvious to most people that that question means ‘how are you’ . I think you need to stop being so sensitive

I also think you are being a little sensitive which is easy when pregnant - honestly just smile and say good thanks, or however you are feeling. Be grateful she asks, mine never did!

I hate this too. Get asked by everyone I talk to "How's the bump doing??"... how am I supposed to know how she's doing in there? Fine I hope! Also get asked if she's moving plenty. I mean, I wouldn't be having a calm chat with you if I thought my baby wasn't moving!

Maybe just tell her straight, you don't know but update her when you have scans?

The answer is “fine” - this isn’t a hard question and is pretty common. You are possibly just annoyed about something else?

I don't think you're being overly sensitive on this one, it's an irritating question for sure, especially when it's not followed up with an "and how are you?".

I usually just say "fine I think" and keep it short so the conversation moves on, but this might not always work, some people can't take a hint 😂

I'm really not annoyed about anything else. She asks me how I'm doing (fair question) AND how the baby is doing.

I alway reply with fine, good etc but it really annoys me as I don't really know how the baby is doing if that makes sense.

I think both are fair questions, if you said to her “would you mind not asking me how the baby is?” from her point of view it would be odd - I think take it for the good hearted question it is.

I appreciate you have anxiety but picking your battles, especially when it comes to in laws is a very useful skill I have learned the hard way!

Take care x

Everytime I read stuff like this, I start to think "it is best not to talk to anyone ever".... How come asking "How is the baby doing" is bad?

Perhaps you can email her a "list of acceptable questions", that will teach her a lesson.

I know exactly how you feel OP my MIL does the exact same thing and while you know they mean well it’s still really bloody annoying! I used to joke and say ‘oh I don’t know I haven’t asked’ or ‘ok I think, I’ve not heard any complaints’
But now I just say a quick ‘fine’ and move the conversation along.

my mother messages me every day asking how baby is doing, it's honestly never occurred to me to mind.

All mine and DH family ask this all the time. They started after the baby started kicking though so it's easier to answer. Tell her that you hope she is fine and let her know that the question makes you nervous. I agree it's an annoying question. Good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy!

It's just one of those many things that gets annoying in pregnancy. In real life you smile and nod, but it's nice to be able to vent harmlessly about it online.

I lost track of all the innocuous comments that would upset me or get me riled up when pregnant. You're not exactly at your most rational.

I mean this nicely- I think you are bing oversensitive. I was like this when I was pregnant. I found a lot of things annoying/rude and i look back now and feel a bit embarrassed at my attitude.

I'd respond in a worried way, "I don't know. Why?" And clutch my belly. If that didn't stop her after two goes, I'd ramp it up somehow. I agree it's annoying.

I agree with pp that she's sort of asking how are your pregnancy symptoms! When I get asked that question I launch into a catalogue of my ailments and it's so soothing 😄 "ah thank you where do I start...dizziness...constipation...pgp...insomnia...blah blah"

😂 It's a slightly cutesy, patronising way of phrasing the question 'how is the pregnancy going?' but it's entirely good-hearted in intention - I honestly wouldn't take offence.

That said, if you have a good relationship with her you could answer honestly and say that you're anxious by the fact that you can't check up on baby. Depends, because only you know whether she would support you or take offence in that scenario!

My own mum doesn’t even ask me how I’m getting on, whereas my mother in law does which I find really nice because it’s nice that she’s acknowledging that I’m pregnant and checking all is well. I was in hospital with reduced movements and hadn’t told anyone so when my MIL asked how baby was, it was nice to say ‘She’s doing well, I was in PAU for a check over and she’s fine’ or after a midwife appointment it’s nice to have updates that she’s growing well. Your MIL has good intentions , not many people are lucky enough to have their MIL check in and have a good relationship x