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Scared of 'its another boy'

23 replies

EBM20 · 12/06/2020 22:10

I have a private gender scan tomorow where we will be finding out the gender. Before pregnancy I was not bothered about the gender but since being pregnant I've felt like I will be disappointed in having a boy.

All of my partners family from the very start have been saying it will be 'another boy' and when we told my partners dad he immediately said another grandson!

This is my first baby. All of my partners siblings are boys and have all had boy children. I'm one of 4, 2 sisters and 1 brother, my dad having all brothers.

I feel like I need to have a girl for the baby to be special to his family or it will be just 'another boy'

My family don't mind, it will be my parents second grandchild, first being a girl. But they have said they want it to be a girl just to prove his family wrong as they know how down it has made me feel

OP posts:
Bluemascara4 · 12/06/2020 22:15


I had the same issue . Lots of boys on DS's dads side and I have one brother .

My narcissistic MIL slammed the phone down on hearing we were having a boy " we have enough boys in this family " Hmm

As I was older ( late 30s) I was just happy he was healthy .

So I have a funny , bright , kind nine year old son who I adore .

Sadly due to many reasons he's an only child but the initial gender disappointment was only temporary x

lockdownpregnancy · 12/06/2020 22:17

Awwwwwww OP! I know how you feel!
We are having a boy and he is what we wanted. We really didn't want a girl!
So horrendous to say, but true!
Gender/sex preference is so common. I posted a thread myself before we found out and so many people felt the same.
In the grand scheme of things you wont care once that little bundle is put in your arms! 🥰
I had the 'it best be boy' comments and 'we can't have another girl in the family there is too many!' My family are predominantly women so I know how you feel with the pressure of disappointing people.
When I face timed my brother after we found out the first thing he said to me was 'if it's a girl, I don't want to know!'
Even though my baby is a boy I could have cried with that comment!
Your baby is going to be super special and very loved regardless as to whether it is a boy or girl!
As long as you and your little bundle are happy and healthy that's all that matters and screw anyone else who says otherwise! I think sometimes people say things without thinking and don't realise how they make you feel! They will love him or her just as much as the other children in your family 🥰🥰

EBM20 · 12/06/2020 22:20

@Bluemascara4 I'm also scared of what if it is a girl and they don't accept the baby, I'm sure they will but I can't help but think and worry about the different possibilities!

OP posts:
EBM20 · 12/06/2020 22:26

I don't think it helps that my partner makes it very clear he wants a boy to play football with and do 'boy things' with.

I feel like I'm a very non gender specific thought person if that makes sense. I have said if it's a boy and it wants to do dance class or have tea parties or play with dolls it can, vise versa with a girl it can play football or play with cars and trains if it wants to!

Where as my partner raised an eyebrow at that comment! He said he does not want his boy playing or doing anything girly!

OP posts:
Fatted · 12/06/2020 22:28

I have two boys. I always knew that I would only ever have boys.

In three generations of DH's family, there are only three girls out of 4 siblings (DH, 2 BIL and SIL), 10 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren. Apparently, in my dad's family, I was the first daughter for a while. Although, I was never really close to his family. I also have two sisters.

Your child will be special and loved, because it is your child. They will be an individual regardless of what sex they are. Being a girl doesn't mean anything different, apart from being inundated with pink, fluffy tat.

EBM20 · 12/06/2020 22:28

When taking about names he only discusses boy names and if I suggest a girl name the response is 'the baby is going to be a boy so stop thinking about girl names' it upsets me

OP posts:
HellloBambinos · 12/06/2020 22:43

Frankly if anyone treats your child differently or like they aren't as special because of their sex then they are arseholes and the problem is theirs. Your little one will be exactly who he/she is supposed to be regardless of what's between their legs - you might have a boy who loves dancing or a girl that loves football and your partner will have to accept it. Ignore the negative comments and enjoy your scan! X

Loopyloopy · 12/06/2020 22:50

Your DH is being awful, that's the problem.

Haggisfish · 12/06/2020 22:52

Yes your dh is being a dick. It is the speed that dictates the sex of a baby. Remind him of that.

Haggisfish · 12/06/2020 22:52

Sperm, not speed!!Blush

DorisLessingsCat · 12/06/2020 22:59

Your partner is an asshole.

Have you considered not finding out the sex? You will love your baby no matter what and it might make your pregnancy nicer if you're not dealing with all those expectations.

But I mainly came on to say that your partner is an asshole.

Lsquiggles · 12/06/2020 23:03

Your partner and his family are the problem here. This is your first child, don't let this ruin such a special time for you!

NameChange30 · 12/06/2020 23:04

"my partner makes it very clear he wants a boy to play football with and do 'boy things' with."

"He said he does not want his boy playing or doing anything girly!"

Oh dear. You picked a good'un there didn't you Confused

Given that he's the sexist type, I presume he will insist on baby having his surname only even though you're not married?

Honestly I think the sex of the baby is the least of your worries, whether it's a girl or a boy your partner's attitude is going to be very damaging.

FizzingWhizzbee123 · 12/06/2020 23:04

We’re expecting our second boy and I was expecting MIL and SIL to make some comments. However, so far, everyone has been ok. I don’t know if it helped but I’ve deliberately been positive in my language when sharing the news to try and ward off comments.

So I’ve been saying “DS is getting a little brother!” rather than “it’s another boy”. I honestly don’t know if it’s helped, but we have only had “how lovely” type comments, plus a few obvious ones about how it’ll be easier as we already have the clothes etc. Might be worth trying the phrasing?

FizzingWhizzbee123 · 12/06/2020 23:05

Sorry, ignore me. I skim read and it’s getting late here. I thought this was your second child, not your first.

Rainbow5SF · 12/06/2020 23:16

People need to hope for a healthy baby... they are yours no matter what gender 😊

Zoflorabore · 13/06/2020 03:24

Good luck with your scan op. I found out with both of mine what I was having as I am too impatient but also to get organised etc.

I really wanted my first to be a boy, everyone seemed to expect me to want a girl but I just felt strongly about wanting a boy. He is now 17.

With my second ( new dp with no biological children of his own ) he really wanted a girl and I felt somewhat under pressure when we had the scan. The baby was a girl ( now 9 ) and he told me he was practicing his face in case it was a boy, pathetic really because I know he wouldn’t have cared one bit once the baby arrived.

I know people say “as long as the baby is healthy.....” etc which doesn’t quite help you when it’s your real life and you have a strong feeling towards one or the other, try to relax and enjoy your pregnancy, you will know this time tomorrow.

User8008135 · 13/06/2020 09:25

Mome are all the same sex, i can't tell you how many times i heard 'oh well there's always next time'. Hmm it made me cry when we had nearly lost one of them and it was said. My husband gave them a tongue lashing

I want a big family and would love another but don't care at all on sex, i just want children not Sons or daughters.

Your husband has issues with stereotyping, i suggest whether boy or girl nip it in the bud.

lockdownpregnancy · 13/06/2020 10:27

@EBM20 your Partner is being a total dick if he's making comments like that!
Whilst my DH has always wanted a boy made this abundantly clear before we were pregnant, he always said if it's a girl then he won't care as long as she is healthy and happy! My DH also said that with a boy he can bond with him better (he grew up in a male dominated household, so women are lost on him 😂) but at the same time he also said if he wants to dress up in girls clothes, turns out to be gay or transgender, he won't care as long as he is a happy child!
Your partner really needs to take a long hard look at himself and sort his attitude out!
Good luck with your scan! Either way, I hope your little bundle is happy and healthy 💙 💖

Chl00 · 13/06/2020 10:54

Oh my gosh this is such a real issue, I would love a boy I don’t mind what I have but my OH family all had boys even his cousins only have boys there is one girl which is the oldest and whenever someone has a baby they’re always like ‘yeah of course it’s another boy’ and don’t seem as excited, my side of the family want a boy because it will because my parents first grandson but I feel like with all the hormones after birth if it’s a boy and they say oh another boy all disappointed I’m gunna bite their heads off😂😂

EBM20 · 13/06/2020 11:05

It's a boy! I'm not as disappointed as I thought I would be. On the way to pick up gender reveal cupcakes now

OP posts:
lockdownpregnancy · 13/06/2020 12:35

Yaaaaaaay!!! I've just been gifted some seriously cute clothes that my aunt bought me from Next. Just a tip, they are having a sale from Monday and they are discounting the clothes they had in the sale in March even further so get yourself in there to pick up some clothes for your little munchkin! 💙💙💙

FiveNightsAtMummys · 13/06/2020 12:39

Congratulations!!! Its not just "another boy" its your baby boy!! So exciting!! P.s When I was pregnant with my first i wanted a girl but I also wanted her to have an older brother. It was a boy. I cried because I was happy it was a boy, I cried because I was sad it wasn't a girl. It didn't last long at all the being sad and is totally normal.

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