Feeling judged for wanting to know the gender

[LJEva]

With my first baby I found out that she was a little girl at the 20 week scan and I want to do the same this time around. I found it massively useful to bond with my baby to know whether it was a he or she... however a few of my friends have almost been horrified that I’ve wanted to know declaring “they just focussed on having a healthy baby” and it’s made me feel a bit judged and like my impatience somehow makes me less.

I don’t mind whether it’s a boy or a girl I’d love either but I just like the idea of being able to talk to it and picture it in my head.

Did anyone else feel this way?

I always said I wouldn’t find out the sex and the minute I found out I was pregnant I needed to know😂

Obviously I cared way more that he was healthy, but I feel that goes without saying. I completely understand when you say knowing the baby’s sex will help you bond, I felt the same. Honestly welcome to parenthood, everyone has a opinion on everything, learn to just politely nod and brush their comments and opinions off.

Just seen it’s your second baby.. you’ll be more than aware of how ridiculously opinionated people can be

It's a form of competitive motherhood, they feel that they are better somehow for not wanting to know. I'm very focussed on having a healthy baby, but there is no way that I'm going to battle with DH over two names when life can be much easier by only needing to discuss one. Plus, I like gendered baby clothes so can't wait to buy some. I don't do neutral gender. If the kid wants gender neutral stuff they'll tell me in due course, untill then I decide what I like.

I found out because I wanted to have a name in mind on the off chance something happened to baba and he didn't make it. Still glad I found out as it has been one less worry (I found out at the 20wk scan that he IS quite unwell).

Wow who are these people? I would never dream of saying something like that to a friend (or anyone). Like you I wanted to know the sex as then we could think of names and the baby became more of a person to me. I'm always surprised when people don't want to know the sex, but would never voice an opinion about another's choices in this matter.

There is a certain type of person who thinks that there is a moral superiority in not finding out your baby's sex, as if it showed that you have greater self-control or patience.

This, totally. I found out with all three of mine and was amazed at the amount of judging of my choices that went on. By the third one I used just respond ‘oh I’m not superstitious’ as that used to really piss them off - they would take complete umbrage at the implication that the only reason the weren’t finding out was superstition*, yet they were quite happy to judge me. Fun times!

*I didn’t actually believe their unwillingness to find out was superstition. People’s reasons for finding out/not finding out are complex and personal and everyone should do what they feel is right for them. It’s the judging and belief that one choice is superior to another I have an issue with.

I didn’t find out the first two times, and I did love the moment of them being born and not being sure for a few seconds and then finding out. Have one DD and one DS. We have found out this time just because we thought it would be nice to do it differently, and I LOVE knowing what we’re having already! It just feels lovely to be able to say ‘she’s really moving around tonight’ rather than ‘the baby’ or ‘it’. I think either way is fab really, it’s just completely personal choice, and definitely doesn’t mean you’re more interested in gender than having a healthy baby!

Ember I'm sorry to hear that. What's the situation? Do you have lots of support? Sending you love

I hope you're okay x

It's totally your choice. I thought these days more people wanted to know than not know anyway?

I found out with my 1st pregnancy, I’m not finding out this time. I only had one friend with really negative opinions on finding out, so I didn’t talk to her about it.
I hope you can enjoy sex reveals, and it helps bonding with your little one ♥️

Yea I am OK, having baby in a few days at a specialist hospital, he's got a dodgy heart so a few surgeries would be needed to save him, and he may have downs as well, but we are trying to stay hopeful. Thanks for checking 😘

@Emberfoot

Yea I am OK, having baby in a few days at a specialist hospital, he's got a dodgy heart so a few surgeries would be needed to save him, and he may have downs as well, but we are trying to stay hopeful. Thanks for checking 😘

Sending you love x

We had no desire to find out, our friends mostly found out but not one person cared we all had our own reasons for our decisions, much like most parenting choices. Anyone who judges is an eejit and projecting what they think you think and feel is just stupid. Good luck, if it helps you to find out it helps you and that's the end of it.