Birthing Partner that is not your Husband

[DinkyMamma90]

Hi All,

I wondered if any of you lovely ladies have had a birthing partner that wasn't your husband and how did it work?

My lovely husband has some major issues that I completely understand and accept, I want to make this experience as easy and relaxed for us both, that being said it does mean that I might need a birthing partner. I would like to have a water birth and I would still want him around but not "on the front line" so to speak.

Any comments would be greatly appreciated.

I haven't personally as I'm due my first soon but me and my mum were my sisters birth partners as the dad didn't want to be there. She said she felt better having women with her rather than a panicking man!

@newmum0720 Thank you! I was worried that I would be limited to one person. There is a 99% chance my husband will hit the deck, so I need someone with a strong stomach there

Congratulations on your first

I think in the current climate you are only allowed 1 birth partner.

@thesedaysarescary I did wonder this, I am due in January so I suppose it will all depend on what things look like then.

PP is write you are only allowed one birth partner. I’ve read that you should have a back up because of your birth partner has Covid symptoms or has to self isolate because of contact then they won’t be allowed in. I genuinely don’t have anyone else I’d be comfortable asking so I’m just going to try and isolate me and hubby as much as possible on the run up to my due date and hope for the best!

Yes, only one partner right now. My sister had her first 7 years ago.

I had my Mum as well as my husband with me (pre-covid) while I was giving birth.

My husband is awful with blood and needles, and I wanted someone there who could step in if he had to back out. I would have completely understood if he had to (maybe not in the moment, but certainly afterwards), but he wanted to try, and I still wanted him there anyway.

As it was, I was off my head on morphine for the greater part of my labour and didn't care who was there, so long as they didn't touch me. DH was a bit dismayed at the high as a kite animal his labouring wife became, but was otherwise fine. Him and mum ended up keeping each other company while I did my thing. They did try bless them, but I really hated being touched, and I was too out of it to communicate with.

It's going to be a very tricky decision I think, thanks for your comments.

@Dyra God thank you for your comment, I know it maybe different now with Covid but it makes me feel alot better about how you felt and that your DH wasn't good with blood/needles. I have a feeling I will feel the same way.

Hi!
You don’t go into what your husbands issues are, but I wondered how much he’s educated himself on pregnancy and childbirth so far?

My DH and I went on a 1 day hypnobirthing course when I was pregnant with DC1 and it was a game changer. Gave him so much confidence to know how to help and what to expect. When it came to it, He was amazing throughout

I appreciate you can’t go on courses like the one I did now due to corona, but it might be worth doing a video one with him?

Even if he isn’t your birth partner in the end, he will better understand what you’re going through, and be able to support you either side of the big day!

Good luck xx

In my trust you can only have 2 birthing partners at MLUs. In hospital you're restricted to 1. This is in normal time, not covid times - I don't know what the current rules are. When I had ds2 7 months ago you could swap birthing partners as long as only 1 person was in the delivery room with you at one time. I thought that odd but I suppose it's in case of fainting husbands so a substitute can be called in! Speak to your midwife and find out what the rules are where you are.

I'm currently considering having my doula there instead of DH. During DC1's birth DH was so nervous he kept laughing during my contractions (apparently I made funny noises...) and then as the head was coming out he started to cry which freaked me out since baby wasn't born yet so I thought something was wrong. Needless to say he wasn't much support during that time, bless him... Then as soon as we got to postnatal ward visiting hours were over and he had to go - I didn't see him till the next morning when he picked us up.

This time around I opted for a doula as a second partner but due to covid I'm no longer allowed to have both. So we've discussed different options and DH is happy with whatever I want. We agreed that we'd decide on the day who comes with me just based on how we feel in that moment. I'm now 37 weeks.

Good luck!

@sassenach84 @Katnissk

Thank you both, it is really helpful to hear your stories, I am due in January so have some time to figure it out but it helps to hear if other people are in the same boat.

@Sassenach84 Hope everything goes as you want it to on the day

I'm quite concerned about this too, my husband is amazing apart from when it comes to blood, needles, hospitals. He has 2 children from a precious relationship and whilst he was there for their births he really struggled and I don't think he was a huge support, his ex had her mum there as another birth partner which helped.
I know he really wants to be there again this time but I am worried if I am only able to have one birth partner it may not be ideal. I'm not due until November and really hope things will have improved by then but still suspect it will only be one birth partner allowed

My DP has health issues meaning that if it's a long birth then he may not have the stamina to support me the whole way through, so we've decided to employ a doula. Ideally I'd like him there as well of course (or for as much of it as he can manage) but it looks unlikely that I'll be allowed to swap or have 2 partners, sadly.

doula.org.uk/