Really terrified of giving birth.

[Jem1593]

Hi everyone,

I’m 26 and due my first baby in August, and I’m really starting to panic about the birth.

I’ve always had a weird fear that I would die during childbirth ever since I felt I wanted children, I have bad health anxiety which is probably part of it but the closer it gets the more it is starting to scare me.

I can’t stop thinking about what if something goes wrong, what if something happens to my baby during labour, what if I need a c section, then again I don’t know whether a c section is scarier to me than natural labour or not. What if I lose too much blood or baby is distressed. I think it’s just the unknown.

Also the fact my partner can’t be there from start to finish due to covid restrictions is massively affecting my anxiety, he’s definitely my comfort blanket and the thought of having to do the first bit alone is keeping me awake at night. Fingers crossed things may be a bit better by August.

Is anyone else feeling the same? I know he’s got to come out one way or another and I can’t wait to meet him but the thought honestly terrifies me

Please have a look at the Positive birth company. I think it could really help you.
From doing the online course I feel confident and excited for the birth. xx

I also had a real fear that I would die during childbirth..i was convinced I would bleed out...i would even go so far to convince myself that I had a gut feeling I would.

I would HIGHLY recommend hypnobirthing. Its not a load of hippy style stuff and it does actually work.

My baby boy is three weeks tomorrow...I had the perfect birth because of hypobirthing...cant believe I am sat here promoting it (I didnt believe it at first)

I had a water birth with a couple of toots of gas & air. After reading 'Practical ways to make your birth better' by the founder of the Positive Birth Company (as above) I was actually looking forward to my birth!!

Please please please read it :) xx

Firstly, things may be better by August. Some hospitals are allowing birth partners, so perhaps this will be more widespread by The time you give birth.

Secondly, it’s perfectly natural to be scared - it’s a new experience for you, and a very strange one! It can be scary to think through all the worst-case scenarios.

Please remember that these are in the minority. Most births are pretty straightforward. It hurts, but I was surprised at how little it really bothered me - it kind of helps that your body gets on with it whatever you do, it’s not like you have to make yourself do something that hurts, you just kind of wait it out. The most painful contractions are right at the end, but at that stage you can actually feel your baby moving down (which it hadn’t occurred to me that I would, I just thought it would hurt and hurt and hurt and then the baby would be there) and knowing that it’s nearly over gives you a bit more energy to keep going.

Personally, I’d really recommend a water birth if that’s something you’d consider. It didn’t make much difference to the contractions for me, but made me feel I could move position without my back hurting, and I kind of draped myself over the side so I could relax between contractions.

Remember that for most people, contractions build up over time. This means you kind of have time to get used to them before they get worse. You do also have lots of different options for pain management. If you need it, they can give pethidine when you get to hospital (personally I wanted to avoid this as anaesthetics make me sick), or you could always go for a spinal block or epidural (but these mean you can’t move around).

If something goes wrong and they need to do an emergency C section, try to remember that although it’ll be scary for you, for the doctors looking after you this is just a normal day’s work for them - they do this a couple of times a day just as their normal job. For them, it’s a very straightforward procedure that they’ve done a thousand times - I’m probably going to have a c section this time round, and this is what I keep reminding myself. Look up how many babies are born by c section each day in this country.

Birth skills by JoJo Mundin is excellent. I started noticing all mums thinking "she did it, she did it, she did it...." Found that strangely reassuring.

Have you spoken to your midwife about your fears? The fear of dying in childbirth is your health anxiety. It really is. Do you have any support with that?

I was also going to recommend Positive Birth Company. I was sceptical but the way she explains it has really allayed my fears. Looking forward to seeing what my body can do now!

This is your health anxiety talking OP. I do understand, I suffer from it too and I was totally convinced I would die of an amniotic fluid embolism in labour, despite knowing rationally that this was not going to happen (guess what, I'm still here).

You've had some really good suggestions here. Some form of counselling for your anxiety could really help to change your outlook.

Well done for taking the first step and asking for advice - the best thing any of us can do is get educated: knowledge is power :)

Giving birth is amazing, I promise you! it’s such a privilege, and I’m really looking forward to my second go at it (I’m 20 weeks into pregnancy number2!)

Like many others have said, hypnobirthing is invaluable and I highly highly recommend it

This Hypnobirthing book is great: blackwells.co.uk/bookshop/product/9781905220595?gC=5a105e8b&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI6pmI98z16QIVFWHmCh29zA8XEAQYASABEgL5q_D_BwE

No advice as I’m 20 weeks and due in October and feel exactly the same, not worried about death as such but strangely
More worried I won’t cope with the pain and begin to panic ( have anxiety and health anxiety)
I hate the feeling of panicking and it makes me want to run away so worried that’s how I’ll feel
In the throes of labour. Just so you know you are not alone in how you feel! I’m absolutely petrified!
Still can’t get my head around it tbh lol. X

I have just purchased off Amazon 'The positive birth book' by Milli Hill because I was feeling exactly as you were. I tried YouTube videos for hypnobirthing but didn't give me the mental control and distraction I needed (in fact I felt the opposite that my mind was wandering and panicking even more!). Honestly just the second chapter of the book alone was enough to make me feel SIGNIFICANTLY calmer, and just understanding the process more has given me such reassurance. As a previous comment says "knowledge is power" and having read this book cover to cover I could not agree more.