17 weeks, still worried everything will go wrong

[Cornflakes44]

I’m 17 weeks pregnant and I thought I’d be really happy that the first trimester pregnancy symptoms are easing off. But now I don’t feel that much going on, I feel really anxious that everything is ok. I want to be able to relax and enjoy it but it feels less real now. I don’t like it when people talk about the pregnancy or when the baby comes as I keep wanting to say ‘it might not work out’ or don’t jinx it. This is my first baby after 2 miscarriages which probably is why I’m feeling so anxious. Any tips about how to chill out and feel more relaxed?

I am 21 weeks and I feel the same, although I’ve not had miscarriages. Before 12 weeks I’d tell myself I’d not worry after 12 and after 12 weeks I’d tell myself I’d not worry after 20 weeks. Now at 21 weeks I am still struggling. It helps me asking myself if there is ever a time I will not worry, and knowing the answer is no makes me realise how irrational the fear is and that I should no longer be worrying. I hope that makes sense! Reading it back I’m not sure it does.

@Cornflakes44 sorry you’re feeling this way but all I can say is, following a loss it is completely normal. It’s just part of being a mummy unfortunately the worry never stops even when their born! My first pregnancy ended in MMC at 11 weeks. I then spent the whole of my second pregnancy none stop worrying, I now have a healthy 16 month old and regret not enjoying my pregnancy with her. I am now pregnant again and am constantly anxious, I just don’t think we can control our minds thinking the worse all the time. But I just wanted to let you know there are so many of us out there the same. What made me feel better with my now toddler was when I started feeling movements, that offers abit of reassurance. The chances are, you are going to have a perfectly healthy baby so please try to relax and enjoy :-) x

@Cornflakes44 hi OP I’m nearly 19 weeks and I feel the same as you. I had a previous loss too and it made me feel only too aware that this journey isn’t always guaranteed to be sooth sailing, something I naively didn’t consider before trying to start a family. I’m always worried about ‘jinxing’ things too ( with everything in life, not just this!) so I am finding it hard not to worry just like you.
I try to just allow myself a small amount of ‘worry time’ each day, when I normally talk to my husband about it, and then try and focus on other things.
From your post, and not withstanding your upsetting experiences in the past, there is nothing that has happened to suggest anything negative will happen this time round, so try to focus on that - it sounds like everything is coming along lovely.

Those two things have helped me a bit, tho I agree that you promise yourself at every milestone that you will be able to stop worrying, and it lasts about a day and then the worrying about the next milestone just starts again!🤦‍♀️
Hope you will feel better to know you are not the only one having these feelings .

@mobear yes. That’s what I keep thinking, maybe after this I’ll feel better, Maybe after this, but the goalpost keeps moving.

@Rainbowm thank you. I do think being able to feel it moving about will help and it’s good to know lots of people feel like this

@MadameDePompadour a small amount of worry time sounds like a good idea. I’m going to try that. And just going to try to distract myself when I start thinking too much. I don’t think lockdown helps, so much time to think! A lot of us are in the same situation though, which does make it seem a bit easier.

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way its rough! This is my first pregnancy and everything has been 'textbook' so far but have still been terrified of something going wrong. I'm now 24 weeks and now I get regular movements I feel so much more relaxed, I'm sure that'll lend you some relief when you get to that point. X