46 and 6 weeks pregnant with 4th child and panicking

[BohemianChastity]

Hi,

I'm in a panic. I am 45 (46 in two weeks) have 3 kids 9,12,15 from previous marriage and two step kids 12,15 with new partner (they dont live with us). I feel so stupid that I can barely type this. I am pregnant unexpectedly, I thought I was menopausal, we've been having protected sex for three years but lately been less careful because I honestly thought I was too old! I have done two tests both positive, no symptoms apart from missed period and now I am having mini nervous breakdown. I had a miscarriage in between ds and dd years ago and I know all the risks are ridiculously high. I dont want an abortion, partner says he is happy and is supportive and says he will stay at home to look after it if it goes ahead. I am financially stable but work a lot for myself and whsilt I have flexibility I am a CEO in a charity. I found out yesterday, have read all the awful stats and want go ahead with this but I feel sick to my stomach with the shock! I know about all the tests and will have them all, I read that there is a such a thing as false positives then convinced myself that maybe I have kidney cancer or something as that is a higher chance than falling pregnant at 46 naturally......I then stayed awake all night crying.

Rambling sorry. I love my family and my partner dearly, I guess I am here for any support, words of advice or caution, anyone think this could be a false positive or am I kidding myself? I know miscarriage chances are very high and I am only 6 weeks......help please x

wish I hadn't posted this now, guessing there is no way to remove?

Try not to worry. Beyond the headlines many women in your age group have healthy successful pregnancies.

If you message MN they will pull the thread if you regret posting.

Don't be alone with this. HQ will pull a thread if you ask.

Hi there, Congratulations on your pregnancy 🙂 I think you can ask mums net to remove your post however I just wanted to say congratulations xxx please don't panic we have all had the unexpected and shock..... Myself included at 42. Unfortunately mine ended as a missed miscarriage but I wish you well for a happy healthy pregnancy xx

just feel like a bit of an imposter on here wit all these young mums
I was a young mum once. now it seems im going to be a geriatric mum

Just sending you hugs! What a shock.

Please be kind to yourself

Do you definitely want to go ahead? You're allowed to be shocked, you're allowed to consider other options.

I remember being told that false positives are incredibly rare. That was 20 odd years ago when they were less accurate than they are now so I would take it at face value.

Personally I would have mixed feelings but would live a late stage baby, im 45 and ill so unlikely but I'm a bit jealous OP!

What are your main worries? Is it the fear of possibly miscarrying again? Having to step back in your career or just the prospect of going back to doing the baby stage all over again?

I sympathise and hopefully women with more experience will be along for advice soon.

What a shock for you OP! You're not foolish and you belong here of course you do, there's all sorts on mumsnet, some aren't parents and don't plan to be so you're grand.

Is it the risk of complications you're worried about? Could you afford some private extra screening to put your mind at ease a bit more?

Take it easy on yourself, give yourself time to process.

Congratulations! I wish it was me. I’d love another one. I had my first at 38, then my second at 40. I’m 47 now. But Have a bad back so I don’t think my body could cope. I always panicked I would be the oldest mum in the playground but not at all. There was lots of older mums, older than me. A bit of a mixture. Good luck

thanks all, worried about miscarrying, complications, my age. I work from home anyway so work not a problem. Yes, I would definitely want to go through with it but I think I have already convinced myself I will have miscarriage as the % is 50% or something ridiculous.

I have got a private scan booked for 10 weeks so in a months time if Ive not lost it by then

Hey & congrats! So I was a young mum like ridiculously young mum so I can say I'm the other end of the scale to u. But I am now a mum of 4 I was happy with my 4 they are 12,10,8,6 so all full time school I don't have to take out the kitchen sink the eldest one can watch them whilst I pop to the shops and my carer is going in the right direction. I have endometriosis and fibroids so I believed I was having symptoms from that as I'm on medication due to have a hysterectomy apparently not though because it's a baby! Got my head around this and I'm actually over the moon for one baby's only ever bring joy in between sleepless nights they bring a family together and also what's the chances that it was ment to happen? There will always be people with there opinions but do what makes you happy your not alone xx

Thanks all, that is lovely of you and it is really nice to have your support

In that case congratulations (and I hope you didn't mind me checking).
I hope all goes smoothly x

@stealthpolarbear I dont mind at all, its a conversation my partner and I had yesterday after he had picked himself up off the floor. Have to say he is still convinced it won't last as am I but let's see. I guess what is meant to be will be xx

I mc at 8 weeks age 45. Dr told me 50%mc rate. I had been ttc but gave up after that.
It's a minefield of test offering op.. Lots to think about.

Sorry to hear that. I am trying to be positive although I know all the risks. My grandmother had twins naturally at 46 so maybe there's a chance it will be ok, maybe that is also wishful thinking

Congratulations xx and you’re not on your own, I’m also 45 and now 10 weeks with history of MCs and an ectopic earlier this year. It’s hard not to read yourself silly with worry with online articles and stats so best to just remember that it also can be happy news... One day and week at the time

Your motherhood is as valid as anyone’s OP - you aren’t an imposter.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Take some time to let the news settle in - the shock will wear off!

I’m in the exact same boy except I’m 42. I spent ten days in shock after the test and couldn’t decide whether I wanted to continue. I kept thinking miscarriage would be the easy way out. Then today I had to have an early scan and they saw a gestational sac but no embryo so I may well be miscarrying. Now I am suddenly desperate for this little one to make it and am in tears at losing it. It’s been quite a journey these two weeks.

@AncientandPregnant do keep me posted on how you are, keeping everything crossed and positive for you xx

@Modfox thank you, the shock is wearing off butI think its being replaced by disbelief! I seem to have convinced myself I will mc and am just waiting for it to happen now

@zscaler thank you :) I think my partner has loathes marbles - everytime I mention it he gets fits of giggles and says I cannot believe it!! Now is chest puffing around the house harping on about his incredible sperm and superpowers (god help me)

Congrats OP.

It's perfectly okay to be shocked.

A girl in my class had twin brothers when her mother was 45.

I'm 42, nearly 43. Exactly as you describe I thought I was menopausal. Apparently not. I'm nearly full term now. Baby number 5 here. Once I got over the shock (and the panic on coping) I've realised what a miracle it is. My whole family (kids, husband, grandparents) are really excited. Financially it's a disaster for us but honestly, I couldn't be happier. For what it's worth I seriously considered termination. I'm very glad now I didn't do that but obviously it's a personal decision. It's been a bit up and down, I feel very old pregnant so the pregnancy has been much harder. I tested high risk for downs (but my harmony was fine).