19 weeks and struggling

[NZlife]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this but here goes!
I'm 19 weeks pregnant, much wanted second baby, we were trying for around 10 or 11 cycles when I finally fell pregnant.
I'm really struggling. How am I going to cope when the baby is here when I can't even cope now, how am I going to organise a child starting school, being heavily pregnant & then having a newborn baby via c section. How am I going to keep on top of everything with 2 children?
I'm so so scared and I'm so worried that my OCD and anxiety is going to get worse.
I seem to have constant headaches at the moment and I don't seem to really feel anything towards the baby/bump. I feel it move and I'm just like whatever, I'm worried about finding out the gender in a few days because what if I'm disappointed, I'll be the worst parent in the world.
I just don't know how I'm going to get the light another 21 weeks feeling like shit physically and mentally.
I'm not sure what I want from this just to get it out I guess.

Hopefully someone with more personal experience will be able to share with you - I just wanted to say that what you’re feeling is not uncommon, and I think a lot of people go through that “what the * am I doing and how will I cope” sort of feeling. It sounds like a bit more than that for you though? as you have had mental health issues before you probably know that can put you at higher risk of both antenatal and postnatal depression/anxiety - do you think that could be happening now? There’s lots of time still to come to grips with the pregnancy and get ready to welcome your baby - but it might be worth a talk to someone about how you’re feeling - midwife or Gp?
If you haven’t talked to your partner or a friend/family about this then try to find some support there as well. X