Can’t decide how to feed baby - breast, bottle or both!

[Lunastar9]

Hi,

I’m due in August so I’m thinking more about how i want to feed my baby when he arrives.

I originally wanted to breastfeed however I have generalised anxiety disorder which is currently quite bad and am worried the lack of sleep will cause it to become unbearable for me. I’ve been having trouble sleeping during pregnancy (hence the post at 6.30 am - I’ve already been awake 3 hours 😖) and it has made my anxiety absolutely crippling already.

I have been considering combi feeding with breast milk and formula at the same time, but wondered if it’s possible to exclusively pump the breast milk as opposed to feeding from the boob so that it takes some of the pressure off me? Or would my supply dry up? This is all assuming I am able to breast feed in the first place.

I really don’t know what’s best, I mostly want to ensure the baby gets the colostrum when he’s first born as I’ve heard that it is good for their immune system so don’t know whether to try breastfeed and see how long I can manage, but I don’t want to feel like a failure if it doesn’t go well.

I’m a first time mum so really not got a clue, are there any classes I could look at online or anything that could help? Any experiences you’d like to share?

Would love to hear from everyone!

@itchyfinger can I asked how early you started combination feeding? I’d like to try this too but have read anything before 6 weeks can cause nipple / bottle confusion.

I wanted to breastfeed but was ready to go to formula if it didn't work out, and that took a lot of pressure off.

The first few days were really hard, DD didn't latch till I used nipple shields which aren't really recommended.

When I went to see breast feeding clinic about losing them they said don't stress, they've enabled you to BF so no problem and one day the shield fell off and DD kept on feeding and all was fine.

A friend had to pump as her little one had breast refusal and it was exhausting, think that would cause you more anxiety.

I would say don't have any hard and fast rule about feeding. Yet BF if you want to and can. If for whatever reason you decide not to continue then try combi/FF. Dont put yourself under pressure.

@Dalmore30 my midwife said she's never actually seen nipple confusion. I transferred between breast and bottle with no problems with two children. I gave a bottle from week 1-2

I should say, I used teats designed to mimic breastfeeding though (medela calma)

I agree, there are too many variables to know how a baby will ultimately be fed in the end. I didn’t have anxiety before my baby arrived but did after, had insomnia etc. I think you’re right to think ahead a bit about how best to care for your mental health as a key factor in deciding how best to care for your baby. Not much advice on this front is given in ante natal classes, at least that was my experience anyway. Once the baby arrives you’ll see what’s what and can then start making decisions.

If I could go back and advise myself I would say give breastfeeding a go and, if there are more than minor issues that can be reasonably resolved then switch to formula and don’t look back or feel guilty. I’d tell myself not to bother faffing about with a pump.

What support do you have OP? Can someone take over in the morning to give you a lie in? Or split the nights if not possible? My husband and I eventually took things night about (baby formula fed) as we found a full night’s sleep every second night was more restorative than splitting each night. A spare room to retreat to for when you aren’t caring for baby during the night can be a help too if you have difficulty sleeping through your baby making noises that don’t require your response. All babies are different at the end of the day, as are their sleeping patterns which vary over time, so you will no doubt chop and change how you approach things as you go.

You might find Emily Oster’s book Cribsheet useful reading and Anna Mathur’s Mind Over Mother.

Take care and all the best for when baby arrives

I bf my son for the 1st week, then at 4am after another sleepless night, with sore bleeding nipples, I sobbed my heart out & sent dh out to the nearest 24 hour garage for formula. This time I am planning to ebf but will have formula & bottles in the cupboard ready.

Yup, lack of sleep will really exacerbate anxiety/ general mental health issues. My plan is to BF on demand from midnight-8pm (roughly), then hand DS2 over to DH after a feed and sleep with earplugs until I've had a full block of four hours. That allows me to get the deep sleep that keeps me sane, and everything else can be taken as it comes (usually 2hr blocks, if DS1 is anything to go by).

Knowing that I'm not going to be interrupted is really important to me, as I spent a few precious hours lying awake when I could have been asleep, because I was convinced DS1 was going to wake up at any second. Maddening.

[quote Dalmore30]@itchyfinger can I asked how early you started combination feeding? I’d like to try this too but have read anything before 6 weeks can cause nipple / bottle confusion.[/quote]
I did combined feeding from day one with both mine. It did not give latch confusion, and while I'm not saying it couldn't the fact is baby knows no different on day one so will accept whatever you offer (they have literally no expectations of course), so you are skilling them up for how you want them to be from day one. For a few days you can see they might make the wrong shape until they realise which is in their mouth and then change it, but in a very short time they've got it and they're flying.
In my experience of you wait until 6 weeks to introduce the alternative method you would like to have at your disposal, you will have a baby who certainly does have expectations and is very used to one method, baby is now strong and just wants to drink lots of lovely milk straight away, not faff with some unknown thing that feels all wrong and doesn't fit their now very well learnt mouth shape... likely to be very resistant to going back to Learning from Scratch when they just want to guzzle.
My second baby was happily taking bottle or breast (I was doing it in case I wanted to leave her with anyone but didn't need to cos I was going to work or anything) for 3 months. I was confident she was great at both so took a break from bottles and after a 4 week break she didn't want to know the bottle at all. I was then unable to leave her and when I wanted to finish ebf I had to jump through all kinds of hoops to get her to switch.

@dalmore30 from day 1. I intended to wean them off bottles (twins) eventually initially but never did, it made life a lot easier.

@HalloumiSalad @itchyfinger thank you!

@HalloumiSalad I agree! Same with dummies I was worried with the first as I've read about dummy's/nipple confusion etc. Then I realised they know the difference and it made my life a lot easier!

My DD has a 4 week old and they have done a combination of breast and bottle (breast milk) from the start. She breast feeds most of the time and her DH feeds him a couple of feeds, one during the night so she gets more sleep.

So far it is working really well for them, baby is thriving and DD gets a little bit more sleep.

Good luck with whatever you choose but please remember the most important thing is your baby is fed whichever way you choose to do it.

I never breastfed due to medical problems I have so bottle fed DS from the beginning. He had silent reflux so it took him an hour to drink a bottle and then we had to keep him upright for 30 mins after each feed. He never settled great in between feeds either.

DH and I would be up every 2-3 hours for around 1.5 hours each time and we were beyond exhausted. I used to wonder would it have been easier if I could have breastfed so I would give it a try if I were you and go from there.

I remember feeling this way with my first baby. To be honest, with the way you’re feeling, I think a planned way forward with bottle feeding will take the pressure off you.

Having said that, I breastfed my second baby for ten months and it was amazing, I loved it. It was cheaper, convenient, I didn’t have to fuss in the night, I could just flop a boob out and feed, it helped me bond with baby. But the first ten days are really hard and you need to persevere and be committed to it really.

At the end of it all, baby gets fed either way so it’s about what’s best for you and your mental health. Happy mum, happy baby.

Oh and I wouldn’t express every day- you’re then doubling the time you spend as you’ve got to express it all with baby creating its own supply and demand cycle. Plus feed the baby with the bottle. Apparently mixed feeding can confuse baby.

Sorry, that should say without baby creating its own supply and demand cycle.

Exclusive pumping is all the faff of FF with all the faff of BF.

Try BFing and if it doesn't work, combo. Just don't give yourself a hard time.

Hi OP

I desperately wanted to BF but due to tongue tie and me having an infection that required hospitalisation I had to combi feed.

I expressed all but DS's last feed before bedtime until he was 10 weeks old, then moved exclusively to formula. Don't underestimate how tough expressing can be, you have to do it every 2-4 hours to keep your supply up, even if it doesn't tie in with your little ones feed times. I can't remember the amount of times I was up feeding DS in the night, only to go back to bed for 15 mins before my alarm went off to pump!

My advice to you is to wait until little one is here before making any massive decisions. All the way through my pregnancy breastfeeding was rammed down my throat as the best thing for baby, but due to factors outside of anyone's control it wasn't best for us. You ultimately have to do what's right for you as a family. My little one thrived on formula and once I'd stopped expressing i was a lot happier too x

Try breastfeeding but put no pressure on yourself . The first 6 weeks were the worst for sleep but it had nothing to do with breastfeeding. My newborn only wanted to be held all night long so regardless I wasn’t sleeping .

I combination fed - breast, expressed and formula, and it worked very well, but I don’t think it’s easier than breastfeeding exclusively, I only did it because DS didn’t latch for over a week. I didn’t find that expressing takes the pressure off, keeping up with expressing is quite a busy task in itself and definitely didn’t help with sleeping - I would either be breastfeeding DS in the middle of the night or getting up to express. The night feeds are actually quite important initially to keep your supply up and if you miss one you can wake up with pretty sore boobs. Although I think it’s good to think ahead I think it’s important to keep an open mind, it’s hard to predict now how you will feel. Whether you breastfeed, express, formula feed or a combination of them what’s important is that you do what works for you.

If you do want to express some milk even just to have in the freezer for emergencies... Top tip express loads of when your milk first comes in cos the body massively oversupplies at the start and then settles down to babies demands so pumping when your boobs feel like they're going to explode is much easier as the milk flows more. Also gets your supply off to a flying start.
It is a really weird feeling when your milk flow goes up if you hear baby crying!!

Most people will probably suggest you at least try breastfeeding. Personally I knew I didn't want to even try it, so I didn't. I knew I didn't want to express either. So I never did

If I was having another I would def combi feed. Breast and formula. Wouldn’t bother pumping.
Formula means all the pressure isn’t on YOU. You can take a break if needed, share the night feeds, escape for a few hours or a night if you want.
Breastfeeding can be nice, but it’s also extremely painful and tiring. Don’t stress if it doesn’t work out.

You can't really make this decision until you know what the situation is. Many women can breastfeed but not get a drop with a pump. I'd wait until baby arrives and see what your supply and what baby is like, not to mention how you feel about it.