Should I have another baby?

[India999]

Just looking for thoughts / reassurance / personal experiences please!

My husband and I tried for over 2.5 years before falling pregnant with our son who is now 6 months old. I know I definitely want to try for another baby but, given that I'm only getting older and it took so long, am conscious that we should perhaps start trying again sooner rather than later.

Considerations are;

Potentially having two under two

Space - we like in a (beautiful! but) small 2 bedroom apartment and I doubt we can move soon due to COVID.

Finances - my initial plan was to get one baby through nursery and then have another (cost of two in nursery is not feasible). However, we could survive - just about - on my husband's salary if I gave up work (would make financial sense cutting out cost of two babies in childcare). Then we can more quickly go back to our "normal" disposable income and enjoy taking them on holiday etc.

Should we just go for it?!?

My heart is telling me - f it! - start trying and roll with it. You will regret it if you don't try and it's too late.

Any personal experiences / thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

It depends and is an entirely personal decision for you both! How old are you?

Based on those circumstances, it wouldn’t be right for us, based particularly on living arrangements and financial circumstances, but I’m not you!

Gah! I know, felt abit silly posting because nobody can really answer but me... I'm early 30s.

I'm not too fussed about space, we've always lived in apartments and prefer the lifestyle of being closer to the city than in a bigger space further out.

I almost think financially... Struggle for a few years on one income so we can get both children in school and then when both back at work we can enjoy some nice holidays etc!

I guess I'll just have to see what cards I'm dealt...

My circumstances are pretty similar to yours, the only difference is that my DD is 18 months. We have been trying for a couple of months now and tbh I wish now we would have started sooner.
My first was a surprise and at the end of the day you just roll with it.
Bottom line here is that I know it will be hard for a few years, but then it will be worth it!
Good luck with decision you make, OP!

Re giving up your career and then going back to it in 5 years - is that realistic? Are you in the sort of job where you can pick back up at an equivalent level or salary, or will things have moved on and you have to work back up from entry level?

Thank you @mrslully!

That's what I think - get the tough bit out of the way then longer to enjoy everything!

Depends what struggle financially means to you. To some it means no holidays, less Ocado shopping- to others it means not being able to afford clothes. Can your career afford the hit of being home for a few years? Do you mentally want to be home for a few continual years?

Does your dh have more earning potential than you? What would happen to your pension contributions if you stopped working for an extended period?

Thanks everyone! All things to consider. Career should be ok to pick back up, luckily.

Never thought of pension.. very good point!

I actually earn more than my husband but don't enjoy my job, he does!

I had this problem too.
My DD is 8 months old and I’m now 41. We don’t want an only child, so we thought we would start to try when she was 6 months. I’m now 8 weeks pregnant, didn’t expect to fall first month of trying. There will be 15 months between them.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Thanks for sharing!

Your heart is telling you you want to so maybe go with that. There are no guarantees you will get pregnant immediately anyway (although you might).

I have a ten month old, live in a two bedroom apartment and am currently pregnant with twins 🙈. Childcare would be too expensive for three so i'm giving up my great job and we will be scraping by on my partner's salary but we are honestly so excited.

Having kids close in age means it will probably be easier to entertain them/find activities they can all enjoy and they can play together. I'd imagine it's a ton harder at first but easier in the long run. I personally wouldn't want to go back to the nappy stage after a few years and am happy to do it all in one go.

For me, fertility was a factor. I knew I wanted two and would have been devastated to discover I had secondary infertility.

Go with your instinct

It depends on how important having a second child soon is to you. I wanted a small gap so we started trying when DS was 8 months old and got pregnant first try which I didn’t expect!

So we’ll have a 17 month gap when this baby is born in September and I’m so excited. Like others said I didn’t want to go through the years of paying for childcare/nappies to then start all over again when DS is in school. We also might want a third baby but I’ll reassess that later on.

In terms of work I’m going to go back part time (3 days a week) until the kids are in school.

That way I can keep up some pension contributions and work experience for my CV but only pay for 3 days childcare.

We’re gonna make an effort to not be wasteful and should still be able to save for holidays/rainy days. Maybe something like that could be a compromise for you?

I had my first DD in 2008 just as the recession hit. DH was laid of so I went back to work early from my maternity leave. We lived in a 2 bed top floor apt. We decided when DD was 11 months we would have another child. Yes the recession was still in full swing but I knew we could make it work. We sold our apt, rented for 9 months, house prices dropped and we bought the house we live in now. When DD was 18 months I got pregnant with my DS. At this stage my DH was back working part time and I was forced out of my job (long story). I remember MIL reaction when we announced the third pregnancy... Her exact words were having another baby and you haven't got a pot to piss in!!! All of my children were born when the economy had crashed. Everybody was in the same boat financially apart from a few. I have to say these simple days were the happiest. Trips to the park, day trips to the seaside.No foreign holidays(kids too young anyway). We cherish those times because what really matters is your relationship and your children. We can all get caught up in the material things but we need to focus on what's really important. Is it really important to have a new car, foreign holidays etc. My DH and I got back on our feet and we have a nice life now, we have no debt apart from mortgage and car loan. As my nanny used to say " you cut your cloth according to your measure". You will always be able to earn money but you will not always be able to have children. Sorry for rambling.