Sad about 12 week scan

[newmumtobe66]

I am feeling upset my partner can’t come with me to the scan. I feel bad feeling like this with all the terrible deaths from the pandemic and I do understand why but makes me feel sad knowing we can’t have see the scan together. How did others deal with it? Thank you

My 12 week NHS scan was very businesslike, I got to see the screen twice for about 5 seconds each time. It's for measurements and checking etc so mine felt quite formal.

I also booked a private scan when I was 8 weeks which my husband was allowed to come into. They are a lot more relaxed, customer focused, calm, friendly, spends more time looking at baby, you get to see the video of the scan again afterwards. We'll be doing another private scan around 17 weeks for the gender.

If you're able to do so then definitely book a private scan, they're loads better 💚

I don’t think anyone’s been harsh, just facing the reality of ‘life in lockdown’.

FTM here, attended both 12 and 20 week scans alone, with husband waiting in the car. Long awaited pregnancy, after 6 years of unexplained infertility and failed IVF. I really do get how ‘precious’ they are.

Were we both a bit disappointed he couldn’t attend? Sure.
Does it matter in the grand scheme of things? Not a jot.
My job is to attend, to do my best to keep baby safe, and not get myself worked up. I’d rather we (and all of you too, sorry!) have this limited sonographer contact than they get ill and have to reduce the service so much other women miss out in vital screening. It’s a bit shit, and I’m not dismissing your feelings OP, but that’s the deal, for the moment at least.

I did the twenty week one solo and that was fine. DH wasn't overly concerned as long as the scan looked OK from a medical perspective, though I think he'd have preferred to be there. We're probably going to have a third trimester scan privately, but I'd be doing that regardless.

My partner wasn't able to make any of my scans due to work (pre covid) so we went for a private scan before the 12 week so we could share seeing the baby together for the first time - In my area partners are still allowed at private scans so maybe that would be an option.

The staff were always so lovely when I was by myself, they really made a fuss and gave me extra pics to bring home so it can still be a lovely experience.

@newmumtobe66 focus on the advice from the people that empathise with you ☺️ Sadly it means you still have to read all messages to understand if someone does or not! But ignore the negativity if you can (its not easy though). If all goes well with my pregnancy I will be booking a private scan at 10 weeks so we can go together. It sounds like the NHS one is more clinical, which some posters have seemed to assume you knew this, which obviously you wouldn’t given this is your first time! (I didn’t either) so if you can afford it, it looks like a private scan might be ideal ☺️ And then at the 12 week see if you can FaceTime ☺️

Hmmm, it might matter less to people when all is well but I've had a scan before with bad news and it's not the time to process that alone tbh.

I totally understand OP, sorry some of the comments were a tad insensitive - you're totally entitled to feel however you feel. My 12 week scan was last week and I felt so bad my OH was going to miss it as he was quite upset himself,especially since we'd been trying for 2 years.

In all honesty, the scan was formal and only took around ten mins. Would've been less if baby didn't keep falling asleep awkwardly. There was a lot of the scan that I didn't understand so the best part for me was getting the photos and showing them to my oh. We're going to book a private one also just so he gets to experience it at least once.

Hopefully it changes by the end of July! Good luck with your scan!

Hey OP, can totally sympathise with you! I cried when I first heard the news that my husband wasn't able to come with me. It is our first baby and I wanted that special moment. I ended up having several early scans due to heavy bleeding and again husband couldn't attend. Its been hard to not have him there but you will be so delighted to see your little bean that the stress of him not being there will be slightly less. Also they are allowing mum to be to record their scans so you are able to treasure this forever and watch again and again. I know it won't be the same but try not to be too disheartened, I know that's not easy as I felt the same. Xx

Why are people surprised that NHS scans are clinical? The whole purpose of them is to check that the baby is ok and pregnancy is going ahead as normal. They are not so you can see the baby, although that is a nice by product of them.

Of course private scans are more customer focused, that is because they are taking your money and that is their sole purpose.