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So embarrassed by my body 30 weeks pregnant

18 replies

Jg93x · 02/06/2020 15:41

So I’m really struggling with my body and self image since getting pregnant.

I have a long history of body image issues and eating disorders, I’ve piled weight on since getting pregnant and have spent most of my time with a noticeable bump in isolation, so no one has seen me since the start of the year.

I’m so embarrassed by the way I look.

My partner has invited a mutual friend over for a socially distanced chat at the front gate tonight as it’s his birthday, normally I’d join in but I haven’t seen anyone since January and I’m literally too embarrassed. The first thing anyone I have seen from afar ever points out is my belly and I hate that it’s the first thing people mention when they see me. I feel huge. I’m usually a size 8 and my belly is massive and I can’t bear the comments about it.

I’ve asked if it’s okay if I just stay upstairs and pretend I’m asleep as the thought of being seen by anyone fills me with anxiety but I feel terrible as it’s his birthday.

Is anyone else the same? I know it’s ridiculous but I honestly hate myself I don’t want anyone to see me like this. I think isolation has made it worse as people are shocked at how big my belly is after not seeing me for so long.

OP posts:
Wecandothis99 · 02/06/2020 15:48

Gosh you need some help! I thought you were going to say your arse or thighs or hips (where I am fat) but not the actually baby bump. I love my baby bump, I hate where I have got "fat" there is a difference. Get help please as you are not seeing the real you!

CodenameVillanelle · 02/06/2020 15:50

You're pregnant. People ALWAYS comment on pregnant women's bellies. You need to get out and see people before you develop a full blown phobia.

mylittlesandwich · 02/06/2020 15:51

Oh love. Please speak to your midwife about how you're feeling.

And your belly hasn't got huge your baby has. Trust me I've been there, my boy was 10lbs 10oz. I didn't love my bump but I wasn't embarrassed by it either. It's just part of being pregnant. People commenting on it comes from a good place. They see pregnant women as "blooming". They won't know they're touching on a nerve.

Beamur · 02/06/2020 15:54

I'm no expert, but I would imagine pregnancy is a tough time for anyone with a history of your kind of problems. Maybe worth a phone call to your GP to see if there are any advice services you could access?
Your body is currently doing an amazing thing. You are growing a new life.
Some women enjoy being pregnant, but not everyone does, so don't feel alone.
I remember feeling the centre of attention a lot of the time, but so much of it was people relieving their own children's arrival and being genuinely interested and nice.
Your partner's friend is probably more interested in catching up with his mate anyway. Why not just say a cheery hello and let them get on with it?
Do think about talking to someone about your feelings though.

Boomclaps · 02/06/2020 15:56

I’m with you. I don’t have any answers but you’re not alone. I hide behind drapey pashminas and longline cardis

crazychemist · 02/06/2020 16:02

That's a bit worrying. And you will find it tough going out anywhere if that's how you feel - even complete strangers seem to think it's ok to comment on a woman's bump sometimes! It's just common small talk for lots of people - "wow, when are you due?", "your bump looks so big/small for x weeks" etc. I think you should speak to your midwife about how you feel, if you struggle with body image you may find the first few post-partum weeks really tough as your bump takes a little while to go down but isn't nice and firm any more.

NataliaOsipova · 02/06/2020 16:02

people are shocked at how big my belly is after not seeing me for so long.

I think “shocked” is the wrong term here. You’re not fat, you’re pregnant. They may comment on your bump, but chances are it’ll be in a “how lovely” sort of way. Please don’t equate a baby bump with fat!

howlatthetrees · 02/06/2020 16:06

Could you call your GP to see if they can help? I don’t think anybody would think a pregnant woman is fat

misselphaba · 02/06/2020 16:06

Ignore the people that will tell you that you should love your bump. You don't have to! That's OK.

Being pregnant during lockdown has been a strange experience and one that I think has coloured how I feel about my changing body. I loved seeing my growing bump last time but this time round, I have found it a struggle. Part of that is that I am definitely doing less exercise and whether that has affected my body shape or not, it has definitely affected my perception of my body.

People with a history of eating disorders often rely on the external cues we get from others to judge our body size (as our own perception can be inaccurate due to dysmorphia).

Being on lockdown, I have hardly seen anyone and so my brain is relying on my own faulty perception of my size to make judgements on my body shape. So I feel and look huge. I am very uncomfortable with it. I am embarrassed to see people and a large part of that is because I have no clue how I really look.

Have you looked into hypnobirthing techniques at all? They are largely used for the birth but I find them helpful throughout pregnancy for relaxation and acceptance of everything pregnancy related.

PregnantPorcupine · 02/06/2020 16:07

I feel your pain op. I'm really not enjoying how I look and HATE it when people comment Angry. The one good thing about lockdown has been not having people see me and comment every day. No advice or answers I'm afraid, but you're not weird for feeling like this - not everyone loves their baby bump.

Luckyme30 · 02/06/2020 21:19

I agree with the last 2 posts. It’s totally ok not to love your bump! I don’t see it as a problem at all that you don’t love your bump, some women just don’t and that’s ok.

I would say do what makes you feel comfortable, as someone suggested maybe pop down and say a quick hello so as not to be rude. I certainly don’t think you’re ‘weird’ or it’s ‘wrong’ to feel the way you do.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 02/06/2020 21:33

I absolutely hated my bump and my pregnant body. Hated it. I felt like I'd been bodysnatched and just wanted to crawl out of my own skin. hated the kicks, and the squirming, not being able to wear any of my beautiful clothes, the whole thing was horrible. I had a tiny little neat bump and still thought I looked revolting. I went out of my way to avoid having my photo taken because i looked like a grotesque swamp beast.

I was in therapy for pre-natal anxiety, and talked a lot about hating being pregnant. The general upshot is hating being pregnant is obviously not ideal, but not a huge problem. You're entitled to not like the changes to your body. They get more concerned when you talk about hating the baby. I didn't see any of that in your post, so although you may be miserable, I want you to know you're not alone.

LivingThatLockdownLife · 02/06/2020 21:44

You need help ASAP OP.

Pregnancy changes your body permanently. If you are this uncomfortable now you are really going to need help now rather than leave it til after the birth when you will also be sleep deprived, hormonal and caring for a newborn.

Start by identifying your support network and then contact your midwife or GP urgently.

ScarfLadysBag · 02/06/2020 21:47

I doubt anyone will be shocked a pregnant woman has a baby bump! Agree that you need to speak to someone before it escalates. Your body is doing an amazing thing - it is growing a human being. Be kind to yourself Thanks

foodpoisoning · 02/06/2020 21:55

Can I ask why you haven't seen anyone since January? That's more of a worry to me than not liking your bump.
You should have a chat with your midwife about any anxiety you're feeling.

Indigogirl88 · 02/06/2020 22:25

Hi I just wanted to post as well as I think that if you're not going through this then it's hard to comment. I've never really had body issues at all, in fact was very confident with my body, having lost quite a bit of weight last year.

I'm only 20 weeks but pretty "big" already and being short I think it's more noticeable at this stage my "weight gain" I put it in " because it's the only way to explain it

I feel very self conscious, I either wear something too tight or something very baggy and unflattering for my height which doesn't help my body image issues

Some days are better than others, and I know it's just my hormones but op I just wanted to post and say you're not the onl one going through this. It doesn't matter who says oh you're pregnant not fat, dont worry you'll lose it, dont worry you're blooming. It doesn't help, nor does it mean you dont love your bump any less or the incredible baby growing inside. It's just what it is and keep focusing on being healthy and as happy as you can be Flowers

CoolNoMore · 02/06/2020 23:00

Well done to you! Hurray for you! Getting to this stage after EDs etc is such an achievement. Try to remember that 'fat' is not a dirty word. I have much more fat on me than I usually do because it's so useful for keeping me and the baby healthy and strong. When I start breastfeeding it will reduce (quite dramatically, if DS2 is anything like DS1). After about 9-12 months when I'm getting plenty of sleep and feel ready, I'll start trying to get my body back into what I recognise as my normal.

I do agree with PPs that say you deserve help with this and you deserve to feel better. Until that happens, though, do whatever you need to do to feel better (as long as that's safe for you and the baby, of course). Cocoon yourself, be a little self-centred, and congratulate yourself again and again for all you've achieved to get where you are.

Dementeddotcom · 03/06/2020 13:12

I get what you mean! I’m 33 weeks and when my dad and step-mum came round I was trying to suck my belly in?!?! 😂 I’m 5 foot 10 with a huge bump and a baby on the 90th centile for weight. No idea what sucking my belly in was going to do haha. But you’re not alone

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