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How to tell your parents you're pregnant?

12 replies

catnip99 · 31/05/2020 17:33

I'm 20 years old and 11 weeks pregnant with my first. fiancé is 22 and we live with his mum and sister, looking to move out next year if everything goes to plan.

I've got my 12 week scan next week and that's when I plan to tell all family and maybe announce it to friends, we've kept it completely secret from all family due to not wanting to have an awkward conversation if anything was to happen really early on.

My problem is, I'm really nervous to tell my mom. I'm the youngest of 4 and I have quite an age gap between me and my sisters, I'm still thought of as a child by all of my family and my mom is extremely judgemental and tries to talk about really personal things with me knowing I'm not comfortable doing so, I've been made to feel like the most normal things are embarrassing growing up and I've never been an open person because of that.
She always tells friends that I am her sensible child because I left school and immediately went into work and I've got a solid relationship and because I have no children. I am just worried she will act negatively to me having a child and then will proceed to embarrass me

So I don't really know what I'm looking for on this post, maybe I just needed to get stuff off my chest? Also suggestions on how to combat my mother? Haha

A big part of me wants to tell her over text so that I don't have to face her in person, is that a nasty way to do things? It's not her first grandchild either this one will be her 8th

Thanks in advance 🤕

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 31/05/2020 18:14

I would video phone her and if she starts up on anything negative say that you’ll hang up.

Elephantonascooter · 31/05/2020 18:21

I was very similar to you with my first, however it was my parents first grandchild. I wish I had waited longer to tell them because the constant questions did my head in by the end!
I'm now pregnant again and don't plan on telling them until after 12 weeks and I will send a message to my family group chat and then ignore all phone calls for a while! I don't know why, I just hate the way my mum is with me and my kids. She'll always tell me a story about how she had it harder.
Anyway, do what YOU want to do and don't put yourself in a situation you arnt comfortable with.
And congratulations on your pregnancy

TwoHoots74 · 31/05/2020 18:24

I had the same with my mother. I was having her first grandchild and when I called her to tell her my news her reply was "oh you're joking aren't you?" And not in an excited way either.

DDIJ · 31/05/2020 18:27

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

EBM20 · 31/05/2020 18:32

We told our parents a few days after finding out. We live at my mums and before lockdown would go to his mums for dinner allot and I struggled with sickness from the start. I do regret not being clear with not telling anyone as I assumed they would think not to tell anyone! My mum kept it to herself but his mum went on to tell the whole family without asking me or telling me! I get she was excited but I feel like it wasn't her news to share. I only found out she had told the rest of her family as we were popping round to drop food to his grandad and I asked my partner if he wanted to tell his grandad when we go and he replied with mums allready told him. His mum and dad also shared the news with his brother that he hates and has nothing to do with, to the fact I've never spoke to him or met him until about 2 weeks after we found out, we went round to my partners mums and his brother was there, he looked at us walking through the door and turned his head, no response to us both saying hello and not even a congratulations since he knew! Next pregnancy I will be very strict on not telling anyone until after the first scan!

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 31/05/2020 18:34

I would have a plan B to move out sooner tbh. Not everyone wants to live with a newborn even if it’s their grandchild, however nice they seem about it.

Fourandtwentyblackbirdsinmypie · 31/05/2020 18:37

Practiced some calligraphy and made this card to tell family during lockdown!

How to tell your parents you're pregnant?
EBM20 · 31/05/2020 19:00

We used boomf, it was near mothers day when we found out so we gave both our mums boomfs. My dad was the hardest person to tell as he doesnt get on with my partner the best but they have been getting on better since we have told him and from spending more time together during lockdown

choccaramel · 31/05/2020 22:36

I plan on just turning up with the baby. My mother has had a negative attitude with my previous pregnancys. (This is baby number 4) and her 4th grandchild. Wouldn't mind but its not like I actually ask her for anything.

Candyflosscrochet · 01/06/2020 09:11

Hi there! I'm pregnant with number 4 and we have not told parents yet. Partly because we would like to do it face to face but also because I'm so nervous about telling my mum!! My MIL will be thrilled, but my mum....not sure how she'll react. I'm keep having conversations in my head where she has a disapproving tone telling me it's a bad idea, what about all my house plans (her plans for my house), saying 'don't expect me to look after it'......I'm 37 btw, very good job, have room in my home for a 4th (with a bit of jiggling about).
Parents huh?!!
I too am toying with the idea of just turning up with a baby...Hahaha! But have an early scan in a few weeks so hoping I can hold out until then (of course she'll say she knew anyway). Xx

crazychemist · 01/06/2020 10:08

I think lots of people are nervous about telling their mum! I was very nervous the first time, and this time she guessed before I was planning on telling her (DH said I couldn’t come to the phone straight away because I wasn’t feeling well, she thought it was odd I hadn’t mentioned being ill as I’d sent her a message earlier that day). My advice is, do it with your DP and just announce it as if it’s totally unsurprising and obviously good news. Do it on the phone if you like, but open the conversation with it - “hi mum, phoning to say congratulations, you’re going to be a grandmother again in x month” and then tell her how pleased you are. Don’t leave her too much time for a reaction until you’ve made it clear this is a happy thing and you are both pleased and have thought your plans through. Good luck!

catnip99 · 01/06/2020 17:04

Hi everyone, so refreshing to hear other people's stories and to know that I'm not alone! I'm still very anxious to tell her and haven't decided on a way yet but feel a lot calmer than yesterday about it all.

It's not even the case that I'm too young, 2 of my sisters had their first children at 20 and 21
I think it's just the fact that I'm treated so differently? I also hate confrontation so I don't know how I'll react if she's negative haha

Thank you for all of the input 💓

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