very early pregnancy fears

[sleaterminnie]

I'm 4 weeks pregnant - I think 4 weeks today. (Took a couple of early sign tests this week, both positive, took a digital test today, positive.) Been trying to conceive just under 6 months. I'm 34 and I've never been pregnant before, no known conditions impacting anything.
Told my husband after first test, then called the doctor and my parents/in-laws yesterday.

Then in the last hour or so I've been panicking that I'm massively ahead of myself. I've always been totally aware of the risks early on in general (before 12 weeks), that being why you don't tell people outside a select few etc.

But now I'm feeling like even my 'provisional - it's probably happening' was too much. I've looked up stats about miscarriage and other issues, but most data seems to start from 6 weeks (which makes sense). I'm worried that I've over estimated the chances that this is actually going to result in me giving birth in 8-ish months.
I feel like a fool. I feel like I shouldn't have called the GP and arranged appointments, that I shouldn't have told my parents, etc. I wish I hadn't taken the tests so early, even if its a good thing to know not to get drunk and all that. Comparing myself to people 8-11 weeks in doing the same things and feeling scared and jealous.

I suppose I wanted to know if other people have felt like this?
Doesn't help that there is some big education/work stuff with me this/next week that I was already dreading and over-thinking - I'm sure that is also contributing to my losing my mind over this.

I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago, my 4th, and had the same worries in all of them early on. It seems a long time to wait to have a scan to reassure you! I've booked an early scan privately for reassurance, did the same in my last pregnancy. I've had to tell work as I'm NHS, but we've not told family yet....want to wait until I can see them properly not just on video.
But I told them early with my 3rd, my reasoning was that if something was to happen, I wouldn't keep that a secret, so there was no issue with them knowing.
Try not to worry....what will be will be unfortunately. Try to remain positve and calm, for both of you.
It's important you've made contact with the gp/midwife.
Having an early scan is an option, but it's a personal desicion and obviously has a bit of a cost...but maybe that's something you could look into? I found it very reassuring. Xx

Congrats!!! I too would have contacted GP and got the ball rolling with a midwife referral- in my area I didn't hear from them till 11 weeks! If you aren't already taking folic acid supplements, start asap. There is info on the NHS website about healthy food choices (no soft cheese, no pate, Vit A etc etc).

I personally told no one early on about any of my pregnancies, but each to their own. Some would like the support if things did go wrong. I personally wanted to at least have the NIPT or 12 week scan. Glad I did wait, as I have had problems with each pregnancy and have no children.

There is no right or wrong on whatever you and your partner decide to do or who to tell. You can't un-tell your family now anyways, but maybe decide if/When you want wider family and friends to know going forward.

@Candyflosscrochet

Thanks for replying and reassuring! I'll have a look at private scan options.

I think its partly just... I've wanted to have a baby for ages, and while 6 months-ish isn't all that long to be trying, its taken so long for us to get to a point where we felt we could start trying. And I have been walking around feeling longing at the idea of being a mother, of being pregnant. Its just weird that... I assumed that the longing to be pregnant would go away if I actually was pregnant, but it hasn't. It's like it's just shunted down the line, again, and I don't know if it'll go away at the 12 week scan or until I'm actually holding a baby, or even then I'll always just be paranoid and panicking. It feels very strange - maybe my emotions just haven't caught up yet.

Trying to finish a course/find work in the weirdest circumstances that have made it 10 times harder I think has just... shot my mental health a bit. Going to take your advice and to my best to remain calm!

I found out i was pregnant at 3 weeks and ill be 12 weeks tomorrow. Its my first baby too. Ive been worrying that something might happen to the baby or something might happen at my first scan. I haven't told family only my boss knows as i will be due to go back to work soon. I don't think there is a right or wrong way with who to tell. Its entirely up to you. At least you will have more people to support you with your worries. Personally i think its beat to contact your gp asap as it gets the ball rolling with appointments and also with supporting you. I contacted mine early for reassurance and also as mine and my husband health and family health could be noted incase it affected the baby. Sorry for my rambling 🙂

OP, it's absolutely normal to feel like this. I found out at 5 weeks and after the initial joy I felt real panic.
The early symptoms like morning sickness and mood swings are well documented, but no one tells you about the overwhelming fear that something will go wrong.

I am 11 weeks now and I can say that, for the most part, the fear has gone. I'm able to enjoy the excitement. My scan is Wednesday and there's a wee part of me that thinks I'll go and they'll say 'why are you here?' But I know that's just silly.

It's out of our control, we can only do our best to look after ourselves during this time.

Try to relax and let yourself digest it all. And don't overwhelm yourself with reading things and personal accounts. It doesn't always help

It doesn't help that at 4 weeks (and possibly for some time yet) you might not 'feel' pregnant or have many, if any, symptoms. All you can do is try to relax. Ultimately, most pregnancies result in a baby. When they don't, it's generally completely unpreventable and you would have support from your parents/in-laws.

Congratulations btw!

You can’t jinx a miscarriage, the result will be the same whether you tell people or not. There’s such a taboo around early pregnancy, it does my head in because it implies you shouldn’t tell anyone because if you have a miscarriage before 12 weeks it doesn’t matter and is best kept quiet. It’s rubbish. Having had early loss myself I needed that support from my friends and family. You’re excited and you’ve done what’s best for you. Xxx

@Keepingcomfy Its good to hear that you're feeling less panicked at 11 weeks. I was just saying to my husband - the annoying this is I can't tell if this is just reaction panic than will go away in a few days/weeks (especially once the symptoms kick in) or it its just going to get shunted along in my head to the next 'and then it'll be OK and I can stop panicking that I can't be a mum' landmark. Probably until I wave a kid off to uni haha.

@borntohula I think you're right about the other symptoms - I want to feel kicking, even to feel morning sickness (I may regret saying that..) just to have some indication that my body realises there is the start of a baby there beyond little plastic sticks.

Thanks to everyone else as well. Just talking about this and reading responses has actually been a big help.

Before I told my parents/inlaws, I went through the process of 'would I tell them anyway if something went wrong?' questioning and decided I would. I consciously know the rational good stuff, how I've been fine and likely will be fine (even if it doesn't work out), I just need my emotions to start following along.

I could have written this! I haven’t told anyone yet (I just couldn’t cope having to tell people if it went wrong), but even at 9weeks, as I am now, my worry hasn’t really eased up at all. I had a lovely scan at 8+1 which helped a bit, but tbh I think until the baby is here I’m just going to feel anxious. I know that doesn’t help you much, but just to say I think what you’re feeling is totally normal! Also, stay away from symptom spotting if you can - I have had more or less nonmembers whatsoever, so all the posts on here with people explaining how awful they feel can be a bit scary. I’m hoping I’m just lucky!!

@Carabu1 Good to hear you scan looked good even if you're still feeling anxious.

I know I've had friends who have said that they felt nauseous for four hours once and that was it, and others who've had HG. So now I'm sort of... wishing for something in the middle, while fully away that I must look ridiculous and naive to anyone struggling with the symptoms at the moment.

I think I'm the same (not until its here), but... I want a bump! I want to feel movement! Something! Maybe it wouldn't help, but maybe it would.

Its funny that I have this overwhelming feeling of wanting to press fast forward on my life until I'm past 12 weeks or so, when I don't even have any negative symptoms (yet). Hopefully I'll be able to look back at writing this in 20 weeks time, still pregnant, and laugh at what a fool I was for thinking I'd prefer symptoms and bumps.

Feel like I could’ve written that myself. Haven’t told my parents yet which is really tough. I feel like a child pretending to be an adult and people will laugh at me? I’m 28. So scared it’s not real and feel the same nerves every morning when I take a test. Scared to phone the drs on Monday as I feel like I’m wasting their time.

I felt exactly the same, the first trimester was horrendous for me - not in terms of symptoms but anxiety! I had an early scan at 7 weeks, felt reassured for about a day, then the same with the 12 week. I told a few people at about 6 weeks but still felt like a fraud! It does get easier but the worry doesn't go - it did ease a lot after the 20 week scan but even now at 26 weeks I panic that I've bought things too early just in case, and over analyse every little thing - movements etc. This probably isn't helpful but just to say that you're definitely not alone, it's a very normal thing. I haven't had many symptoms the whole way through either, barely any sickness, no real cravings, anterior placenta so movement still not massive at 26 weeks! If it wasn't for the bump everything could be normal 😂 I'm an anxious person anyway so I really do think I'll only do this the once, as easy as this pregnancy has been so far, the anxiety and nerves is another story! Saying that I might have a horrendous third trimester...

I'm sure everything will be absolutely fine but completely understand your fear x

It’s so reassuring to know it’s not just me! I feel like time is going backwards....! I think once I start to tell people after 12 weeks it will feel more real - but yes, @lmgp like you I feel atm like I’m making it up (which is ridiculous!). I also didn’t know before I joined mn that a missed miscarriage was even a thing....kind of wish I hadn’t found out, as that’s the thing I’m most scared of now....!

@Carabu1 - I never knew it was a thing until MN either! And spent the first 12 weeks terrified of it happening... despite knowing it was rare, there seemed to be so many people on here that had experienced it (sadly) Ignorance is bliss for some things!

Omg same!! I had no idea about anything and how much could go wrong. It’s terrifying!!!

@lmgp @mrs87 - I’m hoping there seeming prevalence on here isn’t representative of the general population. I know that, after 8 weeks, the stats are on our side, but can’t shake the feeling it would be just our luck to be the tiny %....we’ve had a pretty crappy year or so one way and another. More positively, maybe that means we’re due a bit of good luck (or not actively bad luck, at least!)

I told people (my parents) the night I found out I was pregnant. I did one of the ClearBlue tests that tells you how far along you are - it said I was 1-2 weeks (so 'medically' from when they count I was 3-4 weeks). I got a GP appointment the next day and they were happy to take my word and 4 pregnancy tests for it! I did so many as I'd been told when I was younger I would struggle to conceive.
So much can go wrong, but it can all go right as well. Don't worry about jinxing yourself and tell other people when you're ready. Good luck!

I think the way you're feeling is totally natural. I'm 10 weeks + 1 day now and finally feeling a bit better about it all but what I found helped me was to stop reading as it was just getting too much. A good scan last week has helped too. I don't think the current situation helps as there's so little going on in terms of day to day life - nothing else to think about! Hope you can relax a bit soon but appreciate how you're feeling.