Should I tell my estranged mother I'm pregnant?

[mumma2be96]

So my mum and I have been estranged for about a year. No contact, by my choice, and I don't want her involved in my life. There was neglect and emotional abuse from her in my childhood, and its caused problems into my teens and adult life that im still trying to deal with. She lives in another country, so I'm not going to see her face to face. I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant, and have told a few close relatives (my dad, step mum, and grandma) that I'm pregnant, and they all think I should tell my mum myself rather than having her find out from family when we announce it on Facebook or something. But I think that in telling her myself, she'll use that as an excuse to force her way back into my life and she'll twist the news into being about her (which she has an amazing talent to do), like I just got pregnant to spite her since it's not what she wanted, and give me grief and stress that I don't need in my life right now when I should be focusing on my baby. What do you think I should do? Thanks in advance 🙂

I think you've answers your own questions OP. Don't conform to what others want you to do, you do want you want.
If she finds out through a third party, so what! If she messages you about it, ignore her. You have actively chosen to distance yourself from a parent that has caused you serious pain throughout your life. Why should she get to share your news and try and steal your thunder and take away the joy of knowing you're going to be a mom!
I'm estranged from my father through choice and I have no interest in tracking him down and telling him I'm pregnant. He is no longer part of my life and don't even care to share my news with him.
Whatever your decision is, make sure people respect it and do not feel pressured into telling your mom just because others want you to!
I wish you all the best with your pregnancy xx

they all think I should tell my mum myself

Ah yes. The family that just want it all alerted and can you not just both move on type shit. They want you to tell her becaue you will be initiating contact. Fuck that.

All sorted

You're estranged for a reason, don't let her try and worm her way back in using your baby as an excuse

Please don't.

You are estranged for a good reason. You don't need her trying to see "her grandchild" then threatening you with Family Court when you refuse.

I think you’ll risk additional hurt and confusion for you both. It wouldn’t be unreasonable for her to assume that your getting in touch to share such important news is a reopening of relationships. If that’s not what you want then doing so wouldn’t be healthy for either of you.

Dont contact her, I'm estranged from my father, never felt the need to tell him about either of my pregnancies as he has no part in my nor my childrens lives.

I haven't seen my mother for about 20 years. My husband of 17 years has never met her. I don't know if she knows about my 10 year old twins. It's your choice who you tell, no one else's.

I feel for you hun. I'm estranged from my father. He's met my son I think about 3 times? My son is 6. The few times he's contacted me it's always about him etc.

I recently found myself in a similar predicament. I ended up texting him to say I was pregnant again I think just to ease my own mind of ok I've let him know so he can't ever say I didn't. Unsurprisingly I got a disinterested response and that's that. I do not have any expectations that there's going to be any change or more contact.

I think you need to do what feels right for you and be realistic about expectations i.e. will it make any changes to anything and what do you want to happen x