Dont want the dad involved

[Dee96]

I know this is a giant statement to make and people will think its selfish, however I just dont know what to do. I've been with my oh for the past year and during that time I had a termination with him. He left me when I was pregnant the first time as it was too much for him, and wouldn't see me instead he spent his nights doing drugs and drinking. I'm pregnant again and into my 2nd trimester, things between us have been unstable all the way throughout our relationship because of his drug taking and just general lack of consideration and mistreatment. I know I'm an idoit for staying this long and honestly I was going to leave until I was hit with my bfp the irony. Since I've found out I'm pregnant I've been stuck between going ahead or not, but all the time we've been having horrible arguments. I stay with his family as mine has it's own issues, and I'm fully aware his parents know nothing of his addictions or behaviour and think I'm the toxic one for their son. They have no clue what I have tolerated, no one really does. On top of that he forced me into sex when I told him no because he was "horny", and I'm afraid this pregnancy is a result in it. Everytime we argue he threatens to end our relationship and tells me to go back home, at this point I'm just emotionally exhausted. I have no stability and feel so vulnerable and alone. One minute he tells me were in this together the next he is showing me the door. Coming from a broken family myself I know the effects it can leave on a child, so I'm really trying to make this work but honestly I dont see it lasting or if it does it will be at my happiness. But the thought of raising a child as a single parent makes me feel as though I'm already a failure. I'm not for one second looking down of single mums I have the most respect for them but my sister had her first dc alone and I've seen the effects its had on my nephew. He has constant dad troubles and its lead to alot of problems in his childhood. Now I'm contemplating adoption just to give my baby a chance of a normal household that is free of my oh and his horrible ways and temper. Is it even possible to do this on my own or would it be cruel to decide for my baby already that it will be fatherless. I'm at the end of my teather and so stressed, every arguement I'm scared of how its impacting the little one inside me I just dont know what's best or what to do anymore help!

Sorry for the typos just really upset

You need to get away from him and his family. Being raised by a single parent is much better than being raised by 1 loving and 1 abusive parent.

@Dee96 I can assure you that raising a child in that toxic environment is going to be far worse for your child than raising it as a single parent. Single parents do an amazing job.

You need to remove yourself and your baby from the situation and create a stable life for the 2 of you. Of course it will have its challenges but your babies well being has to come first and the environment that you’re in is not healthy for a child in my opinion.

Agreed, get this toxic man out of your life ASAP. He sounds like bad news and you will do so much better on your own. I know it's daunting but a baby will just cause added stress to the situation and will only make things worse. Sending love and hope you can find somewhere safe to go x

I'm sorry OP but if you said no and he had sex with you anyway, that's rape. I would get as far away as you can and somewhere safe if that's an option, also tell his parents he's a POS. Sorry you've had to go through this :(

It breaks my heart reading this. Can I suggest you call/email citizens advice, and a local women’s aid. It sounds like you’re staying because you’re trapped. But you will be entitled to benefits and also a house/flat. Things are up in the air because of coronavirus, but there is still help available. Sending you love xx

Am I even able to do this alone? Surely I dont have the right to call that shot, can he take me to court or persist he must be involved? If he tells his parents I doubt they will then be happy if I try to leave. I really do feel trapped and I dont want that negative connotation on my pregnancy, it's not a trap it's a loving little baby! I really want to be able to go solo so I dont have the lingering worry of being thrown out over my head

@BeMorePacific i was wondering what I was entitled and how to go about finding out. It's even harder because I'm only 23 and currently unemployed so even trying to get my head around how I'm going to tackle this alone is daunting to think off. I couldnt raise a baby in my house my parents have a dysfunctional relationship I wouldn't want to subject my baby to and I would be stuck in a little bedroom. However I only thought they offered housing for homeless women?

Hi OP
I was in the same position as you branded the toxic one by my exes mum one minute everything great buying a house next I'm over reacting and being told to get out. It's a horrible situation but I finally had enough 18 weeks into my pregnancy im 24 week now and honestly it works wonders getting away from someone who shows lack of empathy and support the best thing you can do is get onto your local housing council see if you can go home for a few week but you need to get away from that situation as it'll cause nothing buy stress and anxiety the further on you go in regards to adoption whatever you do is completely your choice but I'd honestly get out why you can take some time for yourself to make a plan and just breathe believe me it's a massive relief being able to think for yourself and figure out where you heads at in it all if you dont want him involved do it the right way communicate solely in regards to the baby I learnt actions speak louder than words and how he reacts to you leaving will tell you everything you need to know about him and the sort of dad he will be good luck and I hope you manage to figure things out xx

Sorry you are in this situation OP I hope you are ok

You need to contact your local council or women aid to find out about housing. They will not leave a pregnant woman homeless they might put you in temporary accommodation to start with until you can get somewhere more permanent for yourself and the baby or you can rent which they can pay for. I think it would be best for you can leave and being a single parent doesn’t make you a failure at all! You are still so young and have time to make something of your life outside of these toxic circumstances. It better to leave now before the baby is here and get your ducks in the row rather than when you have the baby.