Not happy to be pregnant

[Unhappymumtobe]

I’m in a happy relationship but we did not plan to have a baby. We considered abortion but didn’t go ahead because we figured we’d have children eventually we’ll just do it a bit sooner. I’m not 25 weeks pregnant and so unhappy. I hate being pregnant, I hate the look and feel of it, I don’t feel excited about having a baby so I don’t even feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I hate it when people ask me about the pregnancy because it makes me feel that’s all there is to me now. I avoid calling people to announce it and just send a text as I feel guilty they are always more excited than I am. I look at families walking around together, on bike rides, playing etc and I think it looks like my worst nightmare. I don’t want to be a ‘mum’. But I feel stuck now because I know my partner won’t consider adoption. I have honestly considered how I could naturally end the pregnancy myself. I can’t talk to anyone about it because no one understands and all they say is ‘you’ll feel differently when it’s here’. But I haven’t heard of anyone who feels the way I do? I know it’s selfish but I feel it would be more selfish for me to have a baby I don’t want/love. It can’t be pleasant to be carried around by someone who wishes you weren’t there and shouts at you when you kick. I’m miserable and I know that is damaging the relationship with my partner. I don’t know what to do. I’m aware there are people in far worse situations and I should be great full I’m having a baby with a lovely man but I’m not I’m sorry!

You're not selfish at all, you're in a very difficult situation.

Antenatal depression is a very real condition; have you spoken to a doctor about how you're feeling?

If you really are that miserable, maybe you could somehow convince your partner to go the adoption route. Or at least ask about it, since it sounds like you didn't ask yet. I mean, it's extremely clear you don't want the baby.

YoungYankee innapropriate advice. It is not clear she doesn't want her baby , what is much more likely is antenatal depression. Op I had this with both my DC (who I love immeasurably now). You must speak to your midwife as it is a thing, and you can get some help. Don't worry or feel bad about how you feel about your baby right now- just put one foot in front of the other and see your midwife or GP. They will help you. 💐

I think its really brave of you to be able to admit you feel this way and write that post. There is nothing to be ashamed of. As pp have said try to be honest with your midwife or GP and access some support, there is a lot available

Pregnancy is a temporary state. Babyhood too. You're not stuck in it forever. Neither will you feel the same or have the same chemicals in your brain week to week.
It might be that your partner becomes the stay at home parent and you return to work asap. There are a few different options out there to toy with until the time actually comes and you have to deal with it.
Fwiw I'm really irritated by being pregnant and it kicking this time round. Partly to do with lockdown and wanting to just be totally alone!

To be honest I felt like this with my daughter, I didn't really know that I actually wanted children but I got pregnant and it was a total surprise. I kept the baby as I knew deep down I wanted children at some point but really throughout the pregnancy I wasnt happy and I felt disconnected. I too wasn't excited and people were always like oooh I bet you can't wait now and I would just kinda smile and nod. When I had my baby I didn't feel that immediate love as some people said and I spent several months feeling like I resented her for not being able to do the things I would have been doing previously. Now I look back I should have spoken to someone as I just didn't feel right, I just pretended and burried
My head in the sand. I obviously came to love my daughter and now I can't imagine her not being here but it was hard so I feel tour pain. I think it's hard to get your head around having a baby fully until it really arrives because when you're pregnant you can kinda ignore it. I would speak to your midwife and there are specialist midwives your can see or therapy you can access to talk these things through. Don't ignore it like indie as it was a bit of a slippery slope into post natal depression. Sorry for the long post but I hope it helps that you are not in your own for feeling this way xx

Please speak to your midwife or gp urgently. Tell them how you're feeling or write it down & show them & ask for a referral to the perinatal mental health team.