Living my life like something bad is going to happen

[FernDerwent1989]

Ever since I have been pregnant I have been overly sensitive and it's affecting my relationships with my partner, my friends and family

At the start of my pregnancy I was having really nasty vivid dreams about losing my partner before our son was born so in these dreams he never got to meet our son and it was a reoccurring dream for about 2 weeks and it really made me unstable and want to cling to him at every opportunity I could get, I was so over baring and it has definitely put a strain on our relationship, I've always been laid back and relaxed and quite independent so to be so clingy and paranoid was a really big change for him. Even since the dreams have stopped I've been quite needy and self conscious still (not as bad as I was) but still more than I have ever been and I feel as if he's gone of me and not as interested in me as he was before which he's definitely showing some kind of resentment towards how I'm acting and even said himself he wishes I'd go back to me before I was pregnant.. so that's got me over thinking every night ...

I then started having dreams about my parents who we are super close to and who can't wait to become grandparents.. one dream was one getting seriously injured at work and the other getting in a car accident !! And it's making me very emotional even though I'm not having the dreams anymore ever since I have I just want to wrap all 3 of them in bubble wrap and keep them safe forever and constantly living my life with a gut feeling like something bad is going to happen and when my partner or my parents do something nice for me I literally breakdown and feel a huge guilt as if I don't deserve them and It should be me doing nice things for them

I really want to get back to my old self, the me before I fell pregnant because this is not me at all and also it's also really getting to me because I've been that hormonal and anxious about every little thing, over thinking everything and I'm also so jumpy at minute and afraid of every unexpected noise or whatever that it's actually making me not want to go through another pregnancy and me and my partner have always had this dream of having 3 kids and it's completely ruining that for me at the moment .. I also want to sort this before my baby boy makes his entrance in to this world as I don't want the first months of his life living in this guilt like I am now constantly thinking something bad is going to happen...

I'm aware I sound ridiculous but has anyone got any tips for me on how they dealt with quite extreme anxiety throughout pregnancy, it would be nice to hear other people's stories and there outcomes x I'm determined to get back on the right path before my son is here x

This doesn't sound ridiculous at all, but a pretty terrifying way to be living day to day. Phone your midwife/ hospital/ GP and explain that you have concerns about your mental health. Although eating well, exercising, deep breathing etc might be helpful, this does sound like you need a bit more than that. Pregnancy is a total mindfucker, but know that you will get your head back at some point... hopefully sooner than later.

Actually, one thing that might help instantly is creating a lovely, positive scenario in your head before you go to sleep. I think it's called dream mapping... just create the best possible fantasy dream for yourself and run through it in detail. When I was concerned about my son after he was born and was losing weight badly, I used to plan his 10th birthday party (!). It made me think positively about the future and was loads of fun, thinking about what food he might want, what games to play. It might give you 5 mins of happiness at least!

It doesn't sound ridiculous! I'm normally fairly laid back but definitely get more anxious when pregnant, I worry way more about things happening to people and end up nearly obsessing over horrible scenarios if they get into my head. It did get better again after my son was born, although probably replaced with other worries! I think you feel more vulnerable when pregnant and the current situation can't help - because of not going out so much I now feel more anxious when I do! If it's affecting your life and relationships though it's probably a good idea to mention it to your midwife.

I had the exact same thing whilst pregnant, I had a recurring dream that my son had died and I had to tell everybody. I also had anxiety, my midwife referred me to a perinatal mental health team at the local hospital. Definitely speak to your midwife, if nothing else they can note it on your file and then when you’re giving birth the team will be aware.

I know the dreams seem frighteningly real and accurate, they are just dreams though (I found that helped me). Also remember this is quite a frightening time for everyone, no wonder you’re feeling anxious! Make sure your partner is aware of exactly how you’re feeling. If you have the money spare, I bought myself some lovely pregnancy dresses and did my hair nicely which helped with my self confidence.

Hang on in there.