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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Age gaps

13 replies

hobie1 · 19/09/2007 21:52

Hi. Just discovered I'm PG again , 5.5 months after DD1 arrived healthy & happy. DH very pleased (said he'd been hoping we'd start thinking about having another soonish). I'm almost happy but a bit scared .... had pretty bad baby blues for a couple of months afterwards DD arrived. With some top counselling & supportive family am now on an even keel again. However, prospect of a 14 month age gap scares me just a bit, and I'm already feeling bad for DD as I can't imagine how its all going to work & how it'll affect her. Any ideas/suggestions/advice gratefully received.

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Tortington · 20/09/2007 00:46

congrats xxx you will be fine

KristinaM · 20/09/2007 00:59

i knwo siblings who are 12 montsh apart in age. They are 8 and 9 now and really good friends with each other as well as both being top of their classes

my boys are 18 montsh apart and it was hard work at the beginning . but if you have a supportive Dh and family you will be fine

everyone says its easier when they are older but i'm having to take thsi on faith at the moment

Tortington · 20/09/2007 01:03

bigest and best tip

routing bedtime

keep special time for your eldest away from baby.

bedtime
bedtime

bedtime

hobie1 · 20/09/2007 09:11

Thanks! We'll just have to cross our fingers and see what happens.

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midnightexpress · 20/09/2007 13:13

Don't worry - my two are 14.5 months apart and it's great. Hard work, but great. Now 22mo and 8 mo and getting easier, and I find myself feeling glad that they're this close - I look at other parents with a more 'normal' gap (say 2 years) and think it must be very hard to have a 2 year old and a newborn. When ds2 was born, ds1 was still so small that he took it all in his stride and still wasn't at the tantrummy stage. Ask me again when I have 2 toddlers in a year's time and you may get a different response though!

Good luck with the pg.

notanotherone · 23/09/2007 20:00

I'm in similar situation. DD1 is now 11months and I am due in 8 weeks with DC2. We didn't plan to have another quite so soon. For some parts of this pregnancy I have been really really down about it, and other times really excited. When I am feeling rational (does that ever happen with pregnancy hormones ) I just think I will have to take each day as it comes and it will be great in the long run. But there are times especially as I am getting bigger and it is harder to do thinks with massive bump and crawling baby when I do feel resentful of everything. I realise that this doesn't sound too positive, I do feel happy now, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I think the most important thing will be having supportive friends and family, and it sounds like you do.

OmegaMummy · 23/09/2007 20:12

Congratulations !! It probably seems more daunting when you think about it than the actual reality will be. I speak from experience as my 2 DS have 12 months between them. They are now 5 and 4 and its great when they can play together and entertain each other.

It can be hard work as the others say - and would agree about routine and making sure that you have special one on one time with them. The other advice I would give is make sure you and your DP also have some quality time together for some 'grown up' time.

midnightexpress · 23/09/2007 21:10

The other thing I meant to say is that you just kind of get on with it once it happens. If you don't have any others with a bigger gap, you don't know how it can be otehrwise iyswim, so it all just seems 'normal'.

diddle · 23/09/2007 22:18

hobie1 - i'm due with my 2nd in 5 days, my son is 15 months old today, so we conceived this one 6 months after having our first. I remember feeling like i'd lost the plot a bit when we first found out. but now the months have passed and our son is so much more capable, i can't wait.
My sister and I only have 17 months between us and we're really close, so i'm thrilled that our son will have the opportunity to be close to its new sibling too.

huge congrats to you, and take it easy in your pregancy, and don't worry about coping, you'll manage fine, purely because thats all you can do.

haditfortheday · 24/09/2007 10:47

11.5 months, although as I am now overdue with nos 2 this gap is growing daily could reach 12 months! I have heard of siblings close in age that are really good friends am hoping this will work out for mine too! This may not be relevant but I continuied to bfeed ds1 all through pregnancy with no problems.

PrettyCandles · 24/09/2007 11:01

I have a larger age gap between my first two (27m) but just wanted to reassure you that you won't necessarily get PND again this time. I had it after no1, but not after no2. Things that helped me were:

Setting up a support structure while I was pregnant - getting my HV on board (she was fantastic); being in touch with the Peri-Natal Unit that helped me previously, so that they began visiting me as soon as dd was born, rather than waiting for me to get ill; having some therapy while I was pregnant, so that I could talk it out and address both the issues that had caused the PND and my fears about the future.

Filling the freezer with food. Whenever we cooked a dinner we would cook too much and feeze portions in foil takeaway containers, so that afterwards all I had to do was shove one or two in the oven for ds1 and myself, or even for dh as well if we didn't want to cook.

Talking with dh so that he could address his worries too. Being a 'strong male' he had never let on until then that he worried whether he was in any way responsible for the PND, and that he should have or could have done somethig to make it all better. He had to understand that this was not the case, and that he had always been my rock throughout. He also had to be given permission to find it hard going himself.

Allowing myself to cry, to be miserable, to be angry, to find it tough - and not to feel guilty about this. Having realistic expectations of myself - I didn't need to be supermum. When you've got a newborn and an older child, just having washed and dressed all 3 of you is an achievement - it doesn't matter at what time of the day you achieved it!

Knowing that a child doesn't need to be entertained for every waking hour, and that you don't need to put Cbeebies on all the time either, but that using Cbeebies is fine as well.

HTH

Rainbowdays · 24/09/2007 11:51

My two have just 15 months between them, they are now age 4 and nearly 3, they are the best playmates, and are really close. The first few weeks were tough. I was fortunate enough to have someone to be able to take the older one for an hour or so every couple of days, and it meant that I could catch up on sleep. Later on the older one was young enough to persuade into a rest time nap during the day, so I orchastrated a daytime nap for all of us. It worked out fine. Now they are no bother at all, so easy that I am now pg with another!!!!!

Also I had PND after the first, but I did not get it with the second, so you may be ok on that point.

As for how your dd will take it - it is ok as she will be so young it will not really phase her at all! At 15 months they are too young to really have jealousy issues, they just take it as a change of routine, so they are not really too bothered. The only thing I had was when breastfeeding dc2, dc1 tried to pull dc2 away from me for the first 3 days, but I realised that it was because they thought dc2 was hurting me!!!! Not a problem after I explained it was ok. Do have extra toys for your dd while you are feeding the baby, or books to read etc.

One of my main concerns was that dc1 only started walking the week that dc2 arrived, but it all worked out ok too.

I hope that you get plenty of reassurance here that it will be fine, as there are great advantages to having two close together.

hobie1 · 24/09/2007 17:10

Wow! Thanks all. It's really reassuring to hear everyone's positive stories and survival tips. Good luck to everyone with their various offspring.

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