Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

Original poster

Breaking "the news" to my elderly mom with anxiety...

13 replies

carlablack · 21/05/2020 11:43

So, this sunday marks the end of 13 weeks. Since it's almost the end of first trimester we decided to announce the news.

I know everyone will jump for joy as they've been pressuring us to have a baby for soooo long (5 years) but I'm just worried about how my mother will react.

She's over 70 and has a lot of anxiety about my health status. Although she said she'd want to be a grandmother, she never forced that idea upon us like other people did, because she'd hate to see me go through labor pain. During the lockdown she almost warned me not to TTC right now.

I just don't know how she will take this. Any ideas to keep her from worrying? I'm having a healthy pregnancy so far and I'm only 31 (she was 41 when she had me) but I'm sure these won't ease her mind...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

carlablack · 21/05/2020 11:45

Forgot to add, I have asthma since I was around 7. That's mainly why she told me not to TTC; to avoid hospitals.

OP posts:

FirstTimeBumps · 21/05/2020 11:52

Is it an option to hold off until later in the pregnancy to tell her? Then there's less worrying for her to do? Alternatively if just rip off the bandage and get it over with. Lots of communication and reassurance going forward but ultimately you're not going to be able to avoid telling her eventually x

Couchpotato3 · 21/05/2020 11:57

I think you're going to have to tell her, because she will find out from other people.

Original poster

carlablack · 21/05/2020 11:57

Well, hubby can barely wait till sunday to tell everyone (he's super excited about this) so he will definitely tell his family. I don't want my family to be the last to know because they may be upset that we kept the news from them and told everyone else.

OP posts:

1990shopefulftm · 21/05/2020 13:01

I m asthmatic (have been for 20 years) and 17 weeks pregnant, if you re pregnancy is low risk then you won't go to the hospital often and they ll do things over the phone, perhaps telling your mum that could help her anxiety.

bertiebottseveryfalvourbeans · 21/05/2020 13:06

I think you need to go for it OP, if you leave it too long your DM may not be over the shock when the baby is born, I think she needs as much time as possible to transition into a new state of mind

Roselilly36 · 21/05/2020 13:09

Many congrats OP, what lovely news, mums always worry. Tell her your happy news, it would be so upsetting for your mum to hear the news from someone other than you. It will also give your mum something positive to focus on rather than worrying about your health.

Mucklowe · 21/05/2020 13:18

You need to stop centering her needs and emotions. This time is about you and your child.

TheMerryWidow1 · 21/05/2020 13:24

think your Mum will worry whenever you tell her to be honest. This is a positive thing. Congratulations and lovely your hubby is so excited.

RitaConners · 21/05/2020 13:29

I know she's your mother but she's far too invested in your health. Why would she see you go through labour! I'm not saying giving birth is a walk in the park but to not have a baby to avoid the pain is somewhat over the top.

If this was me, I'd tell her and o wouldn't offer any unnecessary details about health or medicine matters fir the rest of your lives.

How was your midwife appointment? Great, I saw a squirrel on the way home.

Do you think you've put on too much/not enough weight with your pregnancy? No, do you think I should get some new outdoor furniture?

xkjl1x · 21/05/2020 14:54

I was the same telling my mum.
My partner was so excited to tell her the day after the doctors.
We thought she had taken the news really well and it just needed to sink in. Until the next day when she text me and told me she was utterly deversated. (Big blow il tell ya )
And if I'm honest I will never forgive her for that.im also 30 and my first child so u can imagine what heartache it was.
She wouldn't talk to me for a week and I got about two texts her slagging my partner off. Which was funny as my younger brother has two kids(Worst week of my life)
Anyways she came around to the idea and has kept my secret for me. I wouldn't say she 100 percent happy I expect it to kick off again when I tell family but ........
I think it sometimes better to wait but if u carnt I get it.
Just have to ride the storm out

TheMerryWidow1 · 21/05/2020 16:17

xkjl1x - that's awful, what is her problem? is she jealous?

xkjl1x · 21/05/2020 17:02

Think that is part of it to tell you the truth. As I said my younger brother has two kids. When u came over to see her about it her problem was we live in a apartment which we rent, and that I pushed my 10year old sister out when I tell her because she dotes on us.
We never been loving mother and daughter team so I was half expecting it. My partner didn't tho.
I expecting it to blow up again when we tell my family.
But we have to ride the storm with her. We been together 10years and this baby is all we ever wanted. I just dont know how to keep her happy x

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread