Heartbroken mum - please be kind x

[LTimm27]

Hello,
Me and my husband have just lost baby number 2 at 16 and a half weeks. I was having on and off bleeding throughout pregnancy but was diagnosed with cervical erosion/ectropion. Unfortunately I started getting contraction pains early Saturday morning and worse pains in the evening. I miscarried at the maternity hospital on 17.05.20. I feel total emptiness and I’m not sure what to do. My family and friends have been so kind and supportive. We have a happy and healthy 4 year old girl who is the light of our lives and I am so grateful she is here but I feel like losing our baby boy is such a huge loss for us and it’s a lot to take in. :( the midwifes and staff at the hospital were fantastic throughout and we got to spend time with him and take photos. The doctors do not know why this has happened and we will have to wait for the post mortom to see if their was an issue then onto the funeral.

I just want to know if anyone has had a similar situation where you get your rainbow in the end🌈 as I just feel like what could have been for our family has just been ripped away and we are heartbroken.

I haven't been through this but I didn't want to read and run.

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Life can be so cruel. My thoughts are with you and your husband. ❤️

I’m so sorry this has happened to you.

I am so so sorry for your loss. There are not words to describe the pain of losing a much wanted baby. I have had a couple of early miscarriages and then one at just over 14 weeks after a pregnancy that sounds very similar to yours ( diagnosed with cervical polyps as cause of bleeding good 12 week scan but had some significant pain and baby died ) . I do have other healthy children and have gone on to have another healthy baby since. What I would say is that it’s early days. The pain is raw and crushing and ( unfortunately) that is normal. It will get better in time, I promise you. Don’t be afraid to get support or to cry. It’s not only the physical loss it’s the loss of hopes and dreams and the further into pregnancy you get the more you let yourself believe that you will have a baby and that is devastating. I’m thinking of you, be kind to yourself . Sending a virtual hug

I'm so sorry op, I've been in your shoes and it's awful, 2 mc and one late miscarriage at 21 weeks, I now have 2 wonderful little girls.

I used the website SANDS which offered much support.
Be gentle in yourself

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is a heartbreaking situation to go through. I agree with the above poster that visiting the SANDS website may be helpful. Also did your hospital pass you onto a bereavement midwife? They should be able to answer any questions and support you in anyway they can.
We lost our baby boy at 22 weeks last November. I also bled heavily throughout my pregnancy and they never understood why. At my 20 week scan they realised I had no amniotic fluid and I had obviously been slowly leaking but it went unnoticed due to the bleeding.
I fell pregnant very soon after our loss. I only had 1 period inbetween. I am now 20 weeks pregnant and fingers crossed everything seems to be going much more smoothly this time. I am being consultant led and very well looked after despite covid-19.
I know some people like to take time to greive their loss and others like me feel the need to be pregnant again as soon as possible. The latter doesnt mean you are forgetting or replacing the baby you lost. It certainly helped me come to terms with what happened. Whatever you choose there is light at the end of the tunnel. Sending lots of love and hugs

I’m so sorry this happened to you. We lost a little boy at 16 weeks then a little girl at 15 1/2 weeks. The post-mortems showed no reasons for these losses which was very hard to accept. I already had a son so knew I could carry to term so it made no sense. I did fall pregnant again and we discovered that I had a bicornate uterus which can cause last miscarriage. No idea why this hadn’t been picked up before. I went to term and although my son was premature, born at 32 weeks, he is doing well.
I would say take time to grieve. After my first loss I was desperate to start trying again and fell quite quickly. I wasn’t really ready and hadn’t dealt with my loss properly though and when we had the second loss my husband and I both said we need to stop. We said we weren’t going to talk about getting pregnant again for five months and then we would decide if we wanted to try again. I think that really helped me as it gave me headspace and I was emotionally ready for my next pregnancy. Sometimes I feel desperately sad still for the boy and girl who didn’t make it, but I have my two boys which of course helps enormously. Don’t be afraid to talk about it and take the time you need to heal x x x

Thank you all for your kind messages. I hope our family will get our rainbow baby one day. 🌈 xxx

I am so sorry for your loss. I have not been through anything as harrowing as you so I won't pretend to understand your devastation.

I did lose a baby at 9 weeks though after years of secondary infertility and treatments. The lack of control over the fate of my baby was so hard to take and nobody acknowledged the baby. He or she was due on April 13th 2008. Nobody but me knows that and the loneliness of that fact is sad.

Anyway two things helped in my case: one, I was told it would get easier after my due date and it did. Not instantly but around that time it got easier. The other was that an old school friend knew as a child that her mother desperately wanted another baby but never managed to have one. It caused my friend distress as a child that she was not enough for her parents. Only after/during my loss did I remember that so decided to shelf the ttc as it had become a strong focus in our lives and I would have hated dd to think she was not enough for us. However the aftermath of the mc made me want to hold a baby even more desperately plus my DD really wanted a sibling but for the health of myself and our family I had to rein in my need/desire for a second child. I also had to focus on the benefits of being an only child for us and dd.

Taking control of something over which I really didn't have control over (I couldn't conceive naturally) did help calm me down. You know they say if you can't change the situation then change your attitude towards it? Well, it was kind of like that. Of course I can be calm and coherent about it now but I cried an ocean for what felt like years and I raged and was bitter about others good fortune. I was not as graceful as it sounds about it but making a decision to take time and appreciate what I had did help. I was 36 so didn't feel I had time on my side. We went on holiday, I started an open university course and we did things we couldn't have done with a second child.

Some time later, by the way, I got pregnant naturally. It was a rocky pregnancy but dd got her longed for sibling (who she didn't want of course because we had worked so well on the only child benefits!) Though they do get on together now.

Look after yourself LTimm27, you have been through a terrible trauma and it will take time to come to terms with your loss.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss @LTimm27. Sending you lots of love xxx

I feel so sad for you, sending love xx

I’m so sorry to read your post. Just awful for you and your family.

My ds was born after years of trying and ivf. I then got pregnant with twins naturally. Ds was one at the time. We were so happy. Couldn’t believe our luck!! I miscarried the twins quite early on. I was absolutely devastated. Took me best part of year to recover mentally. I then got pregnant again and had another miscarriage. Early again. Then three months later I got pregnant again. This time we got dd. They are 16 and 13 now.

I’ve never forgotten my lost babies. I raise a glass to them on their due dates. I remember the days they would have started school, wondered about them, thought about them. I have been able to smile again though.

Look after yourself xx

I'm so sorry. Sending my love to you and your family

Thank you everyone for your kind words x

I'm so sorry for your loss :( xxx