Pregnant with #2 and feel like I'm pushing my luck

[LondonAfterMidnight]

Please be kind, I am really struggling.

I am 5 weeks pregnant - we had been trying for a while and I had resigned myself to not having another. But then there you go.

We already have a 5 year old who is the light of our lives. And life is at the moment pretty easy. We all get enough sleep, our 5yo is a hilarious delight and we are happy.

Why am I jeopardising it with another baby?

I have such a dread something will go wrong - that they will have a serious illness or serious disability. I think about it all the time. I am terrified of the future due to coronavirus - should have used protection but thought it couldn't happen. I am also very obese - BMI is 38 - and terrified my weight is going to cause them to have a disability or something wrong or harm them.

I know there are never any guarantees in life. I know something could happen to my 5 year old and we would cope ok. But I am wondering why the hell we are wilfully taking the risk. We wanted our child to have a sibling. But now I'm pregnant I feel so anxious and sometimes just very ambivalent.

Can anyone relate? Will I feel any better?

I have a 3.5yr old, and life is really lovely. We all sleep, we all laugh, we have a lovely family unit. So do sometimes think “what the hell are we doing?!” I’m currently 16 weeks pregnant.
Throughout my 1st pregnancy I always used to worry because it seemed to good to be true.
Re the BMI and disability. Please don’t worry too much about this. A high BMI is not a catastrophe, you can and likely will still have a perfect baby. I have a high BMI too. But I’m confident everything will be ok xx

Thank you, it's good to know what I'm feeling is normal to some extent!