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Finding out the sex - 30 weeks

5 replies

AliasGrape · 19/05/2020 17:04

Second thread in as many days - too much time to overthink at the moment!

I’m 30 weeks pregnant this week. Early next week I have a growth scan - having extra scans due to being consultant led - my age and a couple of other factors I think.

Anyway I never really wanted to find out the sex. I’ve always been of the view it’ll be nice to have a surprise. DH didn’t really express a strong opinion either way but when I said I didn’t really want to find out he agreed and said he was fine with that.

At our 20 week scan it was quite stressful for one reason or another so any thoughts about the sex just completely went out of my head.

Since then DH’s brother and his wife have announced their pregnancy. They have already found out they are having a boy and chosen a name. DH has since been saying that we should find out the sex of our baby too.

This comes up when talking about names, we’ll bat around ideas for a bit and then he’ll end up saying ‘well you should just ask what sex it is at the next scan, then we can choose’. Thing is we can’t agree on either boy or girls names at the moment so I don’t see how knowing will make a difference to that. The name that BIL has announced for their baby is a family name from DH’s family and was probably our top boy choice, so I’m not sure if he’s maybe upset at that being off the table now, maybe that’s driving him to want to know the sex?

It also comes up with regard to trying to buy stuff. I don’t feel the need to have all pink or blue, quote happy to dress a girl in a dinosaur themed onesie or a boy in something with bunnies or flowers or whatever. DH is the same but trying to find stuff online is quite difficult at the moment, newborn and early sizes sold out, and what bits I can find are definitely of the pink/blue very gendered variety. He thinks if we can find out then at least we can buy the appropriate colour even if that wouldn’t have been first choice. (Again, I’ve no real objection to a boy in pink or vice versa but don’t want to look like I’m constantly making a point).

He’s also been saying ‘we don’t need any more surprises at the moment, let’s just find out and then we can get straight’. This in relation to lockdown, his work has become incredibly stressful, I’ve lost my income, the house is in total disarray as the renovation and work we started pre-lockdown has all obviously gone on hold, some family issues going on etc etc. I can see things feel overwhelming at the moment and he maybe wants to feel more ‘in control’ or on top of things but ... none of those things have anything to do with the baby’s sex and whether we have a boy or girl won’t make any difference to any of those things.

I’m still of the opinion I don’t particularly want to find out but I’m wondering if I’m being unfair overriding him? As he can’t come to any scans or appointments at the moment maybe this will help him to feel more involved and connected?

He’s not likely to push the issue if I say I’m not asking and that’s that he’ll just say ok it’s up to me, but I wonder if I’m being stupid and should just ask if it will make him happy.

I don’t actually know if they’d tell me at a growth scan anyway? I mean it’s obviously for other, more important things. Or maybe it’ll be so obvious from the scan picture that it becomes a moot point anyway Grin

OP posts:
UrsulaSings · 19/05/2020 19:37

I think people tend to go with the person who feels the most strongly about it. E.g. if the man wants to know really badly and the woman isn't bothered, then they tend to find out. Or if the woman really doesn't want to know and the man isn't bothered, then they don't find out.

I guess it comes down to who feels the most strongly? Do you strongly feel that you don't want to find out? Or does he strongly feel like he wants to find out? Sounds like you've both been quite unsure at times, but he is pushing more to find out now.

I think if you're not bothered, then just find out! But if you are really bothered, then don't!

I don't think its a big deal in the end - you will know either way in a couple of months anyway! Don't think it matters whether you find out now or then, and I'm sure its not something you'll be talking about in years to come whether you found out or waited so really it only matters in the next couple of months and then it will be forgotten!

stairgates · 19/05/2020 19:41

They probably will tell you at a growth scan if you want to know. They may write it down so that he can know and not tell you, it may be fun for him to mess around with it and refer to baby one day as him and one day as her to you :) He will be able to put a few bits by secretly which may help settle his stress at the minute.

MichelleOR84 · 19/05/2020 20:33

I think out of respect if one person doesn’t want to know then you wait .

My husband did not want to know , I did . So I said we could wait . I’m really glad we did and now I’m pregnant again and I’m definitely waiting this time around too .

Don’t worry about clothing . I only bought enough to get by in gender neutral colours in mostly sleep suits and vests etc . We did most of our clothing shopping after baby was born .

We also struggled with names and found a boys one we loved but not a girls one . Luckily it was a boy 😝! But you can decide after birth , see what they look like etc !

DerbyshireGirly · 19/05/2020 20:37

We waited and I'm so glad we did. Having my husband tell me after all those hard hours in labour was such an amazing reward and I'll never forget hearing him say "It's a girl!".

MammytoElla · 19/05/2020 20:51

I ended up having weekly scans from 30 weeks. We hadn't found the sex of the baby and every week I had to keep saying 'we don't know the sex, so don't tell us!!' Each week it was exciting guessing if Baby was a boy or a girl!

If you don't want to find out then don't, we had one girls name and no boys names. It was lovely when I had her and he shouted 'It's a girl!' Then automatically called her by the name we chose. If baby was a boy they would have been baby boy until we decided haha!

Hubby couldn't come to a lot our scans and appointments as there was too many and he had to work. I don't think that affects bonding with baby as they can feel baby moving in your stomach and talk to them.

Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well 😊

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