Is there much point to hypnobirthing/ positive birth approaches at the moment?

[AliasGrape]

I’m reading ‘The Positive Birth Book’ by Milli Hill as well as listening to ‘Your Baby, Your Birth, Hypnobirthing Skills for Every Birth’ by Hollie de Cruz. I’m 30 weeks pregnant.

I just feel a bit deflated because they’re really pushing the fact that it’s all about having choices, making informed decisions, doing what feels right for you and your baby. And with Covid-19 some of those choices are off the table anyway, and I feel really unsure about how things like having DH with me will work - he’s only allowed for the ‘active labour’ part. I suppose I don’t really understand what that means or how it works practically.

It’s not just the Covid situation really, I’ve been placed under consultant care and told I have to give birth in the delivery suite, rather than the hodpital’s midwife led birth centre. In the birth centre I can see that each room has a birthing pool, a birthing ball, low lighting, en-suite wetroom, facilities to play music etc as well as a range of therapies such as hypnobirthing, massage, aromatherapy available (though at an extra cost). I can’t find any information about what the ‘delivery suite’ has, it just says it’s consultant led and for high risk births. I’m picturing something a bit scary and clinical to be honest. Obviously- and completely understandably - there’s no tours at the moment and the antenatal classes etc aren’t running.

The reason I’m consultant led is that I’m 40. I’ve very much been made to feel that this is a risky pregnancy on those grounds, the one time I briefly met my consultant she scanned my notes and then basically said ‘ok fine we’ll induce you at any time from 36 weeks, you’ll have some growth scans so we know when, any questions?’ And stupidly I was too flustered and taken aback to ask any! I did discuss it with my community midwife a bit afterwards and she made me feel better and told me I didn’t have to do anything I wasn’t happy with.

My pregnancy has touch wood been fairly stress free and healthy so far. Some scary bleeds in the early days but all scans have been fine, bloods all normal, BP fine if a little on low side but that’s normal for me, urine tests been fine, bump measuring exactly what you’d expect. I have my first growth scan next week so I guess we’ll see then if everything is as it should be, but I do find it hard to accept that if I was having this baby 6 months ago I wouldn’t be seen as so high risk and would be able to use the birth centre, would have more choices and wouldn’t be seen as high risk. (Other factors listed were asthma and that we’d had fertility treatment - clomid - so maybe it would still be consultant led but I’ve definitely been given the impression the real issue is my age).

I think I find it all a bit complicated by the fact my own mother died in childbirth with me. I don’t really know the full ins and outs, no one ever told me and it didn’t occur to ask until the people who could have told me weren’t around any more. I know she was very ill as a child, she had peritonitis and later a stroke, she’d also had a stillbirth prior to being pregnant with me. I’m not sure how related all those things are. But it’s left me with a fairly deep rooted fear of pregnancy and child birth I think. Added to that my ‘adopted mum’ (my birth mums sister who brought me up) died a few years ago and the circumstances around her death and what I witnessed in the ambulance and hospital were really traumatic to the point that hearing ambulance sirens used to cause me to have a panic attack and going near a hospital or watching anything medical related would send my heart rate soaring too. I had therapy and have definitely overcome a lot of that, no panic attacks for a long time and obviously have had to go to the hospital both for the fertility investigations/ treatment and whilst pregnant, so I’m loads better but there’s still an underlying current of panic.

Reading the positive birth book it asks you about what notions you have about birth and asks ‘what we’re you told about your own birth?’ and I instantly burst into tears reading the question so I suppose there’s a lot more anxious thinking going on than I was even aware of. I really want to tackle it and aim for a calm, positive experience as much as possible but at the same time feel like it’s pointless and it’ll be out of my hands and probably a nightmare anyway?

I’m not sure what I’m even asking! Just needed to vent I guess.

I am so sorry your mum passed away after your birth, and what you went through with your auntie regarding hospitals, it's no wonder at all you're feeling incredibly apprehensive about pregnancy and childbirth. I turn 40 in a few weeks and have gestational diabetes - I'm nearly 39 weeks now - as soon as I was diagnosed with the GD I was told I wouldn't be allowed to be in the lovely calming birthing centre (so no water birth) and I would have to be induced early too (which I'm due to on Wednesday at 39 weeks). However I have still read the Milli Hill book and also the Hypnobirthing: Make Your Birth Better book by Siobhan Miller (The Positive Birth Company) - even though a lot of my choices are being taken away I am still going to request dimmer lighting for a calmer atmosphere - I can't see why they won't allow that - I've also downloaded the Freya app £2.99 from the app store to my iphone so you can count your surges and it plays calming music, reads you your affirmations, generally help you stay focussed on the breathing exercises. I've also treated myself to a lovely Elemis aromatherapy spray and downloaded music that I like on to my iphone - I figure any way I can make the labour suite more how I hoped the birthing centre would have been, the better. I think in some cases you just have to be a little pushy about what you want as long as it's nothing out of the realms of possibility, I would hope they'll try and accommodate. it's such an anxious time for us, especially not being able to have our partners there except during active labour (my induction could take days before anything happens so i'll be on my own for ages!) so I figure take as much stuff with you to make you feel at peace. I just keep telling myself every pregnant lady is in the same boat right now, we cannot change the crappy virus situation so I'm trying to train my mindframe to accept it is what it is and hope for the best! x good luck!

Yes it will be useful. Just to calm your anxiety. I did hypnobirthing and found it invaluable for preparing,
it helped keep me calm in pregnancy. I didn't really use it in labour itself but some of the stuff I learnt about the process helped keep me calm too. Be kind to yourself: it's scary at the best of times and with your history (let alone the current situation) it's no wonder your anxious. Don't overthink about the labour, focus on going with the flow and not imagining bad scenarios. You will deal with what happens as it happens and stay calm; surrender yourself to the fact that this is happening, your body is doing its thing and try to quiet your over anxious mind: your mind wont help you, it needs to just stay quiet and calm so your body can take over. Something about labour enables you to abstract yourself from it a bit when you're in it. And I think that's what you're aiming for.

Also, there's such an emphasis put on labour and the myth of a perfect birth plan - but that's the bit that you can't plan and it's the bit that is over relatively quickly - it's when the baby is home that you suddenly realise this is the bit you didn't prepare for!

Thank you NicNac for reading my ramblings and being kind! You’ve made some good points about controlling what we can - even thinking about doing things like asking for the lights to be dimmed makes me feel a bit calmer. (Not sure I care about the lights as much as I feel better having some control over something!) I’m going to look at the Freya app. The aromatherapy spray sounds good - what is the fragrance you sent for?

Good luck for Wednesday! Are you all packed? Hope you’ve got some nice snacks in the bag - I spend a lot of time at the moment imagining what snacks in going to pack!

Thank you too ButterBees !

I did hypnobirthing last time and ended up with an EMCS but handled the whole thing apparently ridiculously well, I can only pressure due to the mindset I got from hypnobirthing practice. Due to the prior csection I believe I'll be expected to birth in the delivery suite this time if I decide to go for a VBAC. I'll be meeting with head of midwifery in my third trimester to discuss what went wrong last time (in terms on the section, not the birth - he was undiagnosed breech) and my plan for this time and I am going to enquire about birthing in the MLU which is within the hospital litrally across from the delivery suite. If it's strongly advised against I'll go with it however I believe they have let others attempting VBAC go on MLU. It may be worth pushing to see if you can go MLU instead x

@AliasGrape - I just checked I got it wrong, it's not Elemis, it's Decléor Aurabsolu Refreshing Mist :)
I think it was cheapest on Amazon!
Thank you, good luck to you too, it will all be ok x
I'm all packed (everything but the kitchen sink by the looks of it, my case is massive!) I've also got to take GD friendly snacks so have a coolbag too - the midwives will think I'm there to stay forever I've got lots of stuff downloaded from Netflix, puzzle books, reading books on my kindle/ipad in case induction is long and boring, I figure it might take my mind off things. We might not get the exact birthing scenery we wanted, and of course nothing's ever set in stone anyway with a birthing plan, but if you can control a few little bits and bobs to make you feel less anxious, then I say go for it :)

I would really recommend the Positive Birth Company's online hypnobirthing pack - whilst there is an a certain amount of stuff about having a natural birth, controlling your environment etc the aim is for you to feel calm and in control WHATEVER your birth is like and wherever you choose to give birth - c-section, induction, in hospital, etc. The real benefit is the breathing exercises to help you keep calm during labour, which can be used wherever you are, and techniques for thinking about any offered interventions etc to give you the ability to think through your options clearly. There are still things you can do to control your environment even in a hospital bed - listening to affirmations (on the Freya app) or relaxing music on your phone, wearing an eye mask etc. There's also a lot of stuff in the videos about reprogramming your mind away from negative ideas about birth which I think might be particularly useful for you. I'm sure it covers a lot of the same ground as the books you've been reading but it might help for you to be able to watch the videos and do some guided practice with the relaxation techniques etc - and might be good for your partner watch too so he can help you?

Oh and the pack also gives you access to the Facebook group which is full of positive birth stories of all kinds - lots of them in hospital, or during the current Covid crisis, and it's really helping me to be able to read about all these different kinds of birth and that they can all be positive experiences!

I had that pack bookmarked Nowisthemonth was just waiting for DH payday to sign up.

Thanks everyone- I actually got some sleep last night so feeling a bit more positive today.

I'm so sorry to hear you lost your mum to childbirth and then had a traumatic experience with your adopted mum. I agree with previous posters that having that calm mindset is still really valuable, particularly following those experiences.

I ended up being induced with my first and labour was in the delivery suite, not the birthing unit (which had been my first choice). I ironically ended up in a room with a birthing pool (so it might be work checking if in your hospital has a birthing pool in their delivery suite, as I think many do, so that might still be an option). If you need constant monitoring in the end (I did due to circumstances), I asked for mobile monitoring bands. Again most hospitals have them, they mean you can still walk around and stretch your legs while baby is always monitored. My antenatal class was fantastic at explaining that in the delivery suite there are still lots of options, it's 100% worth talking to your midwife when you get there as there will be things they can do, and they only want to help relieve any stress/make it as positive (and safe) as possible for you and baby! I found the hypnobirthing and positive mindset very helpful going through birth, which very much wasn't to my 'ideal plan'.

I also 100% recommend taking a speaker and a playlist. I had all my favourite songs on the go and it was a brilliant distraction, topic of conversation with the midwives and obstetricians!

Thanks raffat I will make a note about the mobile monitoring bands.

I’m going to dig out my little Bluetooth speaker too, and get thinking about a playlist.

I’d also recommend the Positive Birth Company digital pack. I also read the Milly Hill book. I would say hypno birthing techniques are even more important right now. I’ll be giving birth in the hospital as I am also consultant lead. There is still so much you can do to help it be a positive experience. The digital pack explains all!

I’m so sorry for what you have been through OP. I would second PP and definitely recommend positive birth company! I think with your fears surrounding your birth anyway you would definitely benefit from hypnobirthing even if you can’t have the birth that you intended to. I found the up breathing techniques really helped the early stages of Labour and keep calm during and the lead up to the birth. They also do an app called Freya which you can use when you start labour and it counts you through your breathing for each contraction and plays nice relaxing music in the background.
Although the delivery suite might be a different situation to MLU, the midwives are there to listen to what you want and try to do what makes you feel most calmest the best they can for you and baby! I’m sure they would be happy to dim lights, room spray, electric tea lights etc. If they could!
Also It might be worth speaking to your midwife and asking if they have birthing pools on delivery suite, they don’t have as many as MLU but on the big day if they had one free with a birthing pool you could state your preference!
Sending you hugs and good luck for the big day ... until then read up on lots of positive birth stories :) x

Hi op, I was wondering if you had mentioned any of this to your hospital?

I used doulas in my first pregnancy due to a big fear of the process, hospitals etc and they gave me loads of advice and support. They also told me to get in contact with the prenatal mental health specialist--someone that deals with situations exactly like yours. I had meetings with my consultant and her and we went though my risks (l was high risk for a few different things) and what we could do to make me feel better about each issue. It really helped having a liason and I found it meant a lot of the 'rules' could actually be bent.

The delivery suit is more like a plain clinical room with a delivery bed. You could contact your hospital and see if they would send photos? But you can usually take your own blankets, essential oils (check if you can take a diffuser, if not roll ons or put them on a damp flannel) and music, your own pillow and yoga ball etc.

YOU have final say in everything too, remember hospital policy is blanket and your specific situation may not fit with what is initially offered. Like a pp said they have mobile monitoring but they may not offer that upfront. The BRAIN acronym is really useful for making sure you are the one making the final decision on what's best for you and baby.

I would agree with the positive birth company too- you can check out stories on Instagram where people have used the techniques in all sorts of births. The main thing is to help you feel calm and in control regardless of the situation. I used a different brand but it really helped keep me calm through labour so helped me manage with just a tens machine for most of it.

The other thing is have you considered a home birth? If your only risk factor is age would it help with the fear of the hospital? I had one (planned and under the home birth team) and found out that there were benefits even if you transfer in as you are often given priority over a woman who already has a bed but isn't in the delivery suite. It means you will have more access to things like a pool (if you hire one) and depending on what service is offered I had two midwives to myself rather than sharing one between several women. I felt a lot safer in my own environment but also knew I could easily transfer in if I wanted or needed to.

Blimey no wonder you are feeling anxious with all that on your mind.

Just for some reassurance about the delivery suite vs midwife led - I laboured on the delivery suite in my hospital, and was able to use all my hypnobirthing techniques. The staff were really supportive of it too. I made sure I brought in:

• Bluetooth speaker and playlists
• headphones
• LED candles
• massage oils / lavender oil etc
• photos of happy things - our holidays, trips out with friends etc

We set the room up so I could see everything and it was lovely.

Thanks again all.

I’ve signed up for the positive birth company digital pack. We’re going to watch a few videos when DH finishes work.

I’m feeling better reading all your responses it’s really helped.

Sammy I mentioned my birth mum dying in my booking in appointment and the midwife put it in my notes, she added it to the reasons for me to be consultant led as she thought I’d find that more reassuring- although I’ve had one appointment with the consultant so far and I’d definitely say it was the opposite of reassuring!

I have a growth scan on Tue (that’s actually a real positive in all this, I’m getting extra chances to see my baby, so looking on the bright side!). I’m unclear on whether I see the consultant then too, or just the midwife, or no one - but hopefully might be a chance to find out a bit more.