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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Husband doesn't want baby!

15 replies

mumofthreegbg · 18/05/2020 05:10

Hi everyone, I'm after some advice. My husband and I have 3 kids together. The plan has been for us to have 4 kids but now he keeps changing his mind about having another. I don't want to make him have a child that he doesn't want but I'd rather do it now while we are relatively young (33&32). I'm becoming obsessive about it and just can't get the idea out of my head! Our youngest is 4.5 and hubby doesn't want to go back to the baby stage. If you have been in this situation where you want another baby but your husband doesn't, how have you handled it?

OP posts:

SquirtleSquad · 18/05/2020 05:18

Just posted on your other thread I think you've posted twice.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/05/2020 05:35

Do you want to destroy your marriage in order to have another baby? He doesn't want one, probably with good reason. Is it not possible for you to be happy with the 3 children you already have and move forward with your life?

maria2bela · 18/05/2020 05:52

Sometimes we as women get obsessive thoughts about another baby, I had this a few weeks after giving birth to my son, then just realised I was going through a weird phase and that quickly changed.

If you have 3 children and your hubby doesn't want anymore, I'd ask are you prepared to have a stressed marriage or potentially no marriage in order to have another child? Is it fair on your 3 children to potentially risk an unsettled situation at home for the sake of having another baby? Sounds harsh but these are real potential scenarios. 3 is a nice amount of children, marriage is about compromise and I think this might be your time to do just that x

MashedSpud · 18/05/2020 06:03

Didn’t you post about this a week or two ago?

The advice there was that you can’t force someone to have another child so the options were to be happy with the three you have or leave your husband and have a child with someone else.

Pinklynx · 18/05/2020 06:07

Don't force or manipulate him into having another child. It's really unreasonable. He is allowed to change his mind. Imagine if it was the other way around and he was trying to force you to have another child? How would you feel? It's always the person who doesn't want another child that should win through in these situations. Even if you succeeded in persuading him it could cause long term resentment which isn't fair on the prospective child.

speakout · 18/05/2020 06:13

OP I would find someone to talk to about this.
Please seek some counselling.
Your OH has a right to change his mind, and it is unfair to coerce someone into parenthood.
If your thoughts are becoming obesssive you need help.

ivfgottostaypositive · 18/05/2020 06:27

Who bears the majority of the financial responsibility? Are you at a stay at home parent whilst he is having to work to support the whole family?

speakout · 18/05/2020 06:28

Who bears the majority of the financial responsibility? Are you at a stay at home parent whilst he is having to work to support the whole family?

Why does that matter?

madcatladyforever · 18/05/2020 06:31

Why wold you put your marriage at risk for this!? Three is more than enough.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/05/2020 06:38

In this situation, the person, who doesn’t want another child is the person trumps the person, who does. He is allowed to change his mind. I understand it’s hard when you want a child but cannot and I think some therapy would be a good idea.

Onone · 18/05/2020 06:42

I think 3 children is enough

ivfgottostaypositive · 18/05/2020 06:53

@speakout

Because if he is busting is ass working all hours to financially support the family as it is and thought she would be going back to work once children at school to start to help financially then no wonder he doesn't want anymore?

speakout · 18/05/2020 06:59

ivfgottostaypositive

Yes but he really doesn't need a reason or to have to justify himself.

Not wanting a child is a good enough reason.

Original poster

mumofthreegbg · 18/05/2020 07:17

Thanks guys for your reply's.
No I did not post about this a week or 2 ago, this is my first post since 2016, must have been someone else.
Of course I am happy with the children I already have! I wasn't asking people's opinion on how many kids i should have.
I was after people's opinions on how to handle this situation if they have had a similar experience. I know I need to come to terms with not having any more but I'm just having a little trouble doing it and thought someone that has been through it can offer any help. If you haven't been through it you wouldn't understand.
I would never force my husband into having one if he doesn't want to so comments of how it will affect my marriage etc are not needed and I have no intentions on trying to convince him or trick him into it.
And not that it matters, but my husband does not "support" our family on his own. He and I both work equally and earn the same amount of money. I have continued to work throughout my pregnancies and went back not long after my kids were born so I certainly don't solely depend on him to look after us.

OP posts:

Figgygal · 18/05/2020 07:21

Plans change 4 kids really is too much in today’s world why do you think you’d stop at 4, maybe you’d want 5 when do you stop?

I’m with your husband try to Enjoy the kids you have you’re still young look to the next stage Of life without the baby stage again what opportunities does that bring for you and your family

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