I have spent the day crying over work! Please help me

[Whatnowwww]

I’m 24 weeks pregnant, it is IVF. I have had several weeks off work already due to pregnancy related stress and anxiety. Since going back (wfh) I am in floods of tears every evening. My work is extremely stressful and overwhelming and I have no support channels. My tummy is in knots and whilst I can still feel movement, this can’t be good for my much wanted baby.
My GP has written me another unfit to work note for a month, for the same reason as before. DH says submission of this note is tantamount to career suicide. Maybe it is , but doesn’t the law protect me here? What harm exactly am I doing to myself and baby by this stress and crying every day?
Has anyone still had a job to come back to after having taken off most of pregnancy?

I was signed off from work from 24 weeks with my first, it literally ran to my maternity leave and I returned as normal after my maternity. I was even promoted a few months later.
If your Dr deems you unfit to work due to the stress on your pregnancy, there isn't a way your employer can penalise you without breaking the law

Someone more knowledgeable about workers rights will be along soon, I just didn't want to read and run.

As far as I'm aware pregnancy related illness is seperate from normal time off for illness.
Have you got a HR team you can seek advice from?

The law protects you but to be honest there comes a point when it becomes unsustainable (and unfair?) for the employer and morally are you expecting to be out of the workplace for the best part of 18 months or more then walk back into your job? - they can argue you've been off so much already that they've realised they don't need your job role and therefore can still make you redundant....

To be honest you should cut your losses and quit your job?. Having a newborn/young child is just as stressful as pregnancy if not more and if you can't copy with your job now then you'll find sleep deprivation and demands of parenthood won't help you cope either

Sorry if that sounds blunt but I understand the pressures and anxiety surrounding a much wanted baby I really do and juggling a demanding job but i agree with your husband this career suicide and your employer will never consider that they can rely on you going forwards x

Your DH does not sound very supportive. Indeed he is being the opposite. I know at my workplace this would be totally respected and not have an impact on my career. You are doing what's right for you and your baby so don't feel bad or worried about doing it.

congratulations.

I'm pretty sure any pregnancy related illnesses have to be kept on a separate record and aren't allowed to be used against you. Also I used to be a manager and unfortunately had a team member who struggled with mental health and had lots of time signed off sick but it was no reason for us to treat them any different when they were in they were entitled to everything they were before and it was our job to make sure, they were safe and well enough to be in the office. So please don't worry mental health is an illness so cannot be used against you, your company legally have a duty of care to look after you 😊 In currently 20 weeks and struggled with anxiety and mental health at the start especially when it comes to work so thinking of you

Have you got someone you trust at work who you can talk to - if I was your employer I would want to be supporting you, looking at ways to make things easier for you and offering reassurance. I don't know employment law but my common sense firmly says they can not discriminate against you for being medically signed off.

The law totally protects you, this period of illness wont be counted towards your sickness record. I have worked in HR in both large UK financial organisations and in public sector aswell so have seen lots of people take time off for mental health and time off for pregnancy related illness. It is not career suicide, they cannot discriminate against you.

Look after yourself, people will understand in work and if they don't sod them.

Just wanting to throw another perspective in, but could you speak to them about how you could be more supported (especially as wfh can make you feel quite disjointed from the rest of your team). Also this is assuming the stress is now mainly related to your job only.
I think if they know you're struggling they'll do what they can to help, someone must have been covering your work whilst you were off so how could they continue to help to support you.
If they aren't supportive of you and not willing to make some changes to accommodate you, then I'd hand in the sick note. Whilst they can't penalise you for pregnancy related sickness, and you've got supporting documents from your doctor, I'd still be careful how you approach taking more time off for your own career integrity - a gesture to speak about the issues would look more positive to an employer than just extending more time off and it may be that they can put in arrangements whilst you're off sick, so your next return will be easier for you.

Workplaces can start maternity leave for you at 32 weeks if you're signed off sick up until your mat leave starts. If you have an enhanced package and was depending on the money, that's the only spanner in the works. Otherwise, you're heavily protected.

Do not 'cut your losses and quit your job' that is terrible advice. Intentionally making yourself unemployed leaves you without access to benefits etc. Unless your DH is financially able to support you! First port of call would be to discuss this with your employer tell them you have the note but are willing to negotiate if they can put some reasonable adjustments in place, and if not submit the note that's what the GP gave you it for! What type of job do you do? Is there a union presence? You can't be penalised for pregnancy related sickness. You also need to speak to a mental health midwife if you are still struggling. Take care and good luck x

Thank-you so much for the support, it’s all helping me think through the options. I work for a huge national organisation so there is no personal loss to an employer in the way there might be if I were working for an individual.
I‘m just so worried they will take the view that I might get PG again in the future and have the same problems and therefore I’m ruining my reputation with the production of my sick notes. Even if they don’t discriminate against me now, I’m just worried as to how this will hurt my future there, and all this is so difficult to foresee, or prove in the event it did happen.
I spoke to my manager today with a straight voice in between the moments I wasn’t crying and if I tell him tomorrow that I actually can’t cope I’m very worried that my credibility will be cast into doubt because I sounded ok. I know I have the note, but I can’t help but feel like they will all think I’m just making an effort, when everyone else is struggling at the moment with wfh and childcare. It is a bit worse when you have pregnancy stress and anxiety too.

They don’t sound like a great company to work for. Once your beautiful baby is here, do you really want to go back there anyway?!
Put in the sick notes. You are ill, it is a valid reason to be off.
Check out Mother Pukka on FB. She is great about pregnancy, parenthood and the workplace. Take care lovely x

@BabyB19 I agree

Hi @Whatnowwww, if you work for a huge multi national company they will forget about your sickness in pregnancy pretty quickly. In the best possible way, staff change and managers change and people are self absorbed and have very short memories. Seriously don't worry about it! This sickness wont be counted on your record of sickness absence so it wont follow you around the company. Honestly, I think you would be surprised with the amount of women who take sickness leave during pregnancy! Again, said from an HR perspective.

Hi op congratulations on your pregnancy

I havr extensive experience in HR. You are NOT committing career suicide.

There may come a point where your employer is able to start your mat leave which is 4 weeks before your due date if your off sick

Honestly you are so protected. I work in a large organisation and genuinely we do not consider any sickness in pregnancy as the same as "usual" sickness and absolutely encourage women who want to come back to work to come back. And who want to progress to progress

You look after you
Pregnancy is such a short space of time in the grand scheme of a career path

OP I totally get where you are coming from. On paper, they can't do anything and you are extremely protected. However, people's perception is what you seem worried about and that, unfortunately, might be linked to your absence. Some people have straightforward pregnancies (or their partner had a straightforward pregnancy) and they cant understand what this fuss is all about. You say that you can't stop crying and be stressed about your job. Can you pinpoint exactly what is the reason and maybe discuss it with your boss? Maybe a change in expectations as opposed to a sick note might work?

Hi love, please contact these ladies for advice: pregnantthenscrewed.com/

Don't feel bad about taking sick leave. It's there to protect people. You are pregnant with an IVF baby during a pandemic, it is totally understandable you're too stressed to be working.

Pregnant Then Screwed will be able to give you legal advice and talk to you about your options. Take care x