Jealous partner

[grace1991]

Hello...I am 30 weeks pregnant and don't know where else to post this so apologies if it's in the wrong topic group!
Long story short I'm an only child. Very close to my dad as my mum disappeared when I was younger so he raised me. I mostly see my dad on my own during the day as partner works all day and I work shift work so can pop over to see my dad or he will pop over to see me. Never been an issue with my partner as he knows he's at work so can't be there.
Today, due to the lockdown being slightly lifted my dad came over and him and I went for a dog walk. When we got home my dad came round the back gate and we sat in the garden for twenty mins finishing our convo (social distancing obviously.)
When my dad left my partner had a huge go at me saying how he feels pushed out and how whenever he sees his family he always involves me and he finds it weird how my dad and I just did Our own thing today. I tried to explain that's just the nature of our relationship- my dad and I are very close as we had to be, and it's nothing personal and nothing we discussed wouldn't be said in front of him. But my partner wouldn't understand and feels he's being pushed out.
I am so so hurt because it's never been an issue before- me seeing my dad on my own, and suddenly it's a huge problem. It makes me feels like he's jealous of the relationship? Or that he controlling ? Or is so insecure he needs to hear the whole conversation? Any advice or words would be great. I'm very very hormonal and upset and didn't need this today. I hadn't seen my dad in three months and I had a lovely time. And now it's all tainted as I feel I've done wrong for not including him in the chat in the garden afterwards- when he shouldn't have really been in our garden anyway . Thankyou

[grace1991]

Also- I NEVER see my dad and stepmom without him. We all go on holiday together. We all go out for dinner together. He's included in all FaceTimes and video calls. He is never ever ever left out.

[Pink15]

That seems slightly unreasonable of him. Especially at the moment though with the social distancing rules you're only allowed to meet up with one other person outside so even if he wanted to (but he can't Cos he's at work) it'd be breaking the rules

[grace1991]

@Pink15 he's at home with me furloughed at the mo. So he was at home while my dad and I were in the garden

[Spam88]

Did he know you were out in the garden?

On the face of it it sounds pretty unreasonable (although of course you're also unreasonable to break the law by having your father to your house, but you know that). If it's the first time anything like this has been said though it seems a bit of a jump to declare him jealous and controlling, given the current circumstances perhaps he's just got a bit of cabin fever and would also have liked to go out for a walk and interact with someone other than you (as great as I'm sure he thinks you are!).

That said, of course if you do have any concerns about his behaviour becoming abusive then please speak to your midwife.

[lovelyjubbly12]

That seems slightly strange. I wouldn't care if my partner went to see his mum or went out with her without me... I mean, they knew each other before I came about clearly so I'd see that as healthy and normal... your dad should be able to visit you or speak to you without you feeling bad. He's your dad. He was there for you before your partner and will be there (sorry) after your partner heaven forbid something happened. He's a constant.

Personally I wouldn't stand for it. I'm close to my dad too like you. He's been the one man I can really rely on. If my partner felt it was weird me seeing him I'd be questioning why? He's my parent? As for "pushed out" a relationship with your dad is completely different to a relationship with your partner. They're two different things. He shouldn't feel pushed out or jealous it's not like you're trying to replace either one...

I'd be wondering why he didn't just come outside and speak to both of us. If he was that desperate to be included why didn't he come out and include himself? 🤷🏼‍♀️

[grace1991]

@lovelyjubbly12 I agree with you!!! Very odd behaviour. And it's upset me as there has never ever ever been an issue before. He knows my dad and I are close so to kick up a storm now because he felt like we were excluding him is a joke. I'm allowed time on my own with my dad ?!? He says that it's wrong as he always includes me with him family and wouldn't leave me to go with his family...

[grace1991]

@Spam88 he knew I was in the garden. He made no effort to come out (although I'm glad he didn't as it would have been wrong.)
I appreciate I shouldn't have been in the garden with my father but we were social distancing, not an excuse.
I don't doubt he's probably jealous that I saw my dad and he hasn't seen his yet but to take it out on me like that was wrong.
He has made me feel awful for seeing my own father!

[lovelyjubbly12]

So what will he do with your baby then? In the future would he be happy if your child's partner was only happy with your child seeing him if they were around? Would he find that reasonable? Wouldn't he want a good relationship like that with his child? He should be happy you have people close to you that you feel you can speak to. Not making you feel bad. Very strange!!! I'd ignore it. You've done nothing wrong. 🌸

[LH1987]

That is odd, maybe cut him some slack though, lockdown has been hard particularly if he is furloughed. maybe he was just having an off day?

[grace1991]

@LH1987 I appreciate that but I wouldn't do that to him. He hasn't apologised for it and is now ignoring me. Ugh