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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Not coping in pregnancy and feeling fed up

12 replies

Feelthefear01 · 11/05/2020 18:51

I'm currently 25 weeks pregnant and have been diagnosed with prenatal anxiety. I've had a shit pregnancy from the start. This is my third pregnancy in just over 12 months with the first 2 ending in MC so feel like I've been pregnant forever, I have HG and still taking medications for this and GERD which I'm also on meds for (took no meds before being pregnant). I've had neumerous uti's and bleeding from cervical erosion and quite frankly have had enough. I can't speak to my midwife as she keeps cancelling appointments or doesn't get back to be, and just started private CBT. I'm struggling through work and have had 7 days off in 18 months (both for the MC's and HG) trying my best to keep my head above water, I'm now on a support plan. I'm now having to work from home due to covid 19 and feel completely exhausted as I don't sleep. I can't fit behind my desk at home any more and have to sit either on my sofa or bed with my laptop balanced, and this kills my back. I've spoke to my manager about not coping well with work and I'm not taken seriously. Then I under preform and this makes everything 10 times worse. I have not left the house in weeks and if I go for a walk I just bleed so don't bother. I'm not even sure what I want from this post, maybe just to vent. As anyone else felt the same, or have any advice? I'm feeling at a loss of what to do.

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Feelthefear01 · 11/05/2020 19:54

Anyone???

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Malysh · 11/05/2020 20:11

Wow you're having a rough time ! Hugs for you if you want them.

I don't have much to give you, just the fact that it's more than normal to be fed up/tired/depressed with everything you've been through in the past couple of years. So don't feel bad or inadequate about having those thoughts/feelings. I'm fed up with pregnancy too and I'm having (so far) an easier time than you ! It's not about how much you love or want your baby, it's about how hard this is on you physically and emotionally. The fact that it'll be worth it ultimately doesn't make it easier right now.

Can you ask that another midwife be assigned to you ? The one you have doesn't sound like a good fit for you.

Is it possible to find another solution for your laptop ? Maybe you can get a new table/desk or chair that'd be comfortable ? Even if you have to order from Ikea or whatever, that might be worth it ?

Finally, can you speak to your manager and involve HR so your workload can be adjusted, even if only temporarily ? Obviously I don't know how reasonable your organisation is, but it's definitely a reasonable thing to ask.
If they are in the less reasonable category, maybe just tell them "okay, we need to talk about my workload ; I can get X and Y done this week but I'm going to need more time to finish Z. Any specific priorities I should focus on ?"
Don't tell them why it can't be done (exhaustion, depression, etc) if you think they would hold that against you, just stick to the salient point - it'll be done on a different timescale.

Try and take good care of yourself and don't have excessive expectations. You're pregnant and tired. The housework can wait, and your partner can pull his weight (assuming you live with someone).

No advice for the HG, my SIL has this and I know she had a really hard time (still does). She said she picked what food to eat on the basis of how it tastes when it comes back up !

Please feel free to vent on here if it helps at all !

Cherryrainbow · 11/05/2020 20:12

Aw hun it sounds like you have had a real awful time of it. Sending hugs to you. Can't imagine how stressful it is.
I get anxiety and depression and with pregnancy hormones in the mix it can be a rollercoaster. I hope u have family/friends you can talk to. I find I talk to my mum on the phone most days and pur things on here to get other mum chat.
Do u do meditation? I find that can help. Also keeping busy with something like reading/movies as a distraction.
I think most people would agree it's not been the best time in corona for mum's to be - constant anxiety, can't go out and shop or meet family and friends. It is very hard x

heroineinahalfshell · 11/05/2020 20:14

I'm sorry you're struggling, that all sounds really tough. If you can't get through to your midwife, could you speak to your GP about getting a sick note for a couple of weeks? That might give you a bit of a break.

I sympathise with the work environment, I have a back injury and no proper desk/chair at home and my employer has done absolutely nothing to set me up with the right kit, despite the fact that at work I have a special chair approved by OH etc. I think it's really crap that employers aren't supporting employees with this. Could you email your OH dept to find out if you have any options, or push your LM to approve expenses for an office chair/usable desk?

I'm sorry I don't have better advice but didn't want to read and run.

Feelthefear01 · 11/05/2020 20:14

Thankyou, that does help. And the thing with you SIL made me laugh as I do exactly the same. I'm okay with the sickness now, just homages me so tired when it's through the night. I'm thinking about requesting myMat leave to be moved forward and using my AL, that would mean I only have 6 weeks left at work.
Is this your first?

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Feelthefear01 · 11/05/2020 20:18

My partner is amazing but he is a man and doesn't get it. My mum passed away 6 years ago so I'm not really sure how she was during her pregnancy, guess that doesn't help with the anxiety. We have high low desks at work with back supportive chairs and foot rests. I have a cheap argos one at home lol. I tried headspace but when ever I meditate the baby beats me (best feeling in the world) so can't concentrate. I'm sure the lack of outdoor time doesn't help atm either.

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LittleBoyJuly2020 · 11/05/2020 20:23

So sorry you're having a rough time of it. Pregnancy is so hard without the added stress and the awful HG. You must be feeling absolutely rotten.
I would definitely get a sick note and take some time off, you need it.

Have you got a good pregnancy pillow that you can cuddle up to on the sofa? (I'm 29 weeks and the pillow made a massive difference for me)
I think you need some time to just be, you're poorly and pregnant, that is too much for anyone.

I know it's easier said than done, but keep reminding yourself that this is not forever, you will feel normal and healthy again xx

LittleBoyJuly2020 · 11/05/2020 20:25

Also do you have a garden? If so treat yourself to a comfy chair so you can sit outside if walking isn't an option x

Feelthefear01 · 11/05/2020 20:30

I've got a pillow and it does really help
I'm up most the night either being sick, needing a wee or with heartburn so doesn't get much use, I'm still waiting for the glow. I sit outside on weekends and I do feel a lot more happy in myself. But In the week I start work at 8, finish at 6, and eat whilst typing. By the time I've finished I feel that tired I go to bed.

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LittleBoyJuly2020 · 11/05/2020 20:33

Honestly, you should get a sick note. That would be top of my list right now.
I'm still waiting for the glow too, but I've decided it must just be a lie to lure us in!

LittleBoyJuly2020 · 11/05/2020 20:34

Sick note simply because you're up all night, and could do with resting as much as possible during the day.

I was given a 3 week sick note just for nausea, so with HG you're more than entitled to a nice long one.

Feelthefear01 · 11/05/2020 20:42

I know but I just feel like I let everyone down if I went of sick and then I worry about that too. It's just a cycle, that's why I'm thinking about just bringing my mat leave forward. I'm going to speak to my manager again tomorrow. I'm sure I can't be sacked in 6 weekd when I've expressed how I don't feel up to the job and I have a risk assessment stating my hyporemisis and prenatal anxiety. The worst of it is,I would do it all over again just for the outcome of a healthy baby. As women (and men putting up with us) we must be mad.

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