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No one can cuddle my newborn

23 replies

chocolate26 · 10/05/2020 21:41

I'm due my first baby and my parents first grandchild early next month and it's just really hit me that they won't be able to come into my house and cuddle my new baby! I won't ever have photos of them holding him/her. I know this is a mild thing in the whole world right now but I've sat here sobbing for about half an hour over it (probably pregnancy hormones too) my mum was going to be my birthing partner aswell as my husband but she can't now and I feel really sorry for her.

Is anyone else feeling the same? Very emotional tonight!

OP posts:
rosebud111 · 10/05/2020 21:45

I'm due on 6th June so know exactly how you feel.
Completely normal to feel this way, it's a scary time.
You will get through it though and they will get cuddles at some point!

BeMorePacific · 10/05/2020 21:51

I’m so sorry your feeling that way. It is so sad. But there are some positives.

  • You will get time to bond as a family and to settle into life as a family of 3.
  • Midwives have reported that newborns are getting back to their birthweight much faster than usual. They have put it down to parents being able to feed babies without being interrupted by visitors.
  • You and your baby will be safe ♥️
  • There is a light at the end of the tunnel, we will get through this and your baby will be showered with so much love.

    Take care xxx
CoolNoMore · 10/05/2020 22:00

Yeah, it's so sad. My only solace is that it won't affect the baby and their relationship with their grandparents at all - babies haven't a clue who's who for a while. I'm not trying to minimise this though - it's so rubbish.

I'm not in the UK, so I don't have a good feel for this, but if some key people properly self-isolated for two weeks, could they come and visit (assuming that they could do it in their own transport)? I know it's against the rules...

prepares to be told off

Emberfoot · 10/05/2020 22:00

I am feeling the same way except even my hubs won't be able to hold the baby shortly after the birth as bubba will be in a ward for ages having operations, and only I will be able to stay. 😢

CoolNoMore · 10/05/2020 22:01

Oh, just listen to @BeMorePacific. That's much better than what I said Blush

mama202 · 10/05/2020 22:01

Totally get you. My son was born 5 weeks ago and neither grandparents have held him and my in-laws haven't even seen him from a distance as they don't live close by. I feel like our friends and family will completely miss out on him being a baby and it makes me really sad

NinaNeedsToGo · 10/05/2020 22:04

I'm seeing many neighbours breaking the lockdown rules with their parents or in-laws visiting. I am really not supporting it by my post but...
If it's something upsetting you so badly I would consider:
-are you parents very vulnerable, age is not necessarily the only factor, do they have multiple underlying conditions

  • do your parents isolate, stay at home and only venture out for food shopping

-are they ok, not having temperature, cough, sore throat
If not, I would consider:
-inviting parents 8 days after you left the hospital to minimise the risk of infecting them if you somehow caught the virus in the hospital
  • perhaps wearing face masks during the visit
  • washing hands before handling a baby
  • or perhaps asking your parents to move to you for a time being to help you with a baby

I don't really know but you could consider relaxing rules but under strict conditions.
Flippyflo · 10/05/2020 22:04



I ain’t sure if this would give you any light in some way. I gave birth a month before Coronavirus isolation and lockdown was on.

My dad had died 3 days after I gave birth, I’ve been isolating since that day and refused to see anyone !! Then Isolation & lockdown begun. I have family and best friends who have never met her. However what I will say is out of anything you will never get this precious time again. All this time to really get to know your baby, all this time to spend with your baby with no one constantly asking to visit, just you and your little family being together. You can take what you want from the situation but if anything please try and take some of the positives.

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this though, but I hope at some point you’ll begin to feel better xxx

CountryCasual · 10/05/2020 22:08

I’m in the same situation. DS is 8 weeks now and my DF still hasn’t met him. My DM met him only briefly and they have been completely deprived of their lovely new grandchild.
My very elderly grandmother is desperate to meet him and now may never hold him. It’s heartbreaking. He’s growing so fast and everyone is missing it.

bluebluezoo · 10/05/2020 22:10

Midwives have reported that newborns are getting back to their birthweight much faster than usual. They have put it down to parents being able to feed babies without being interrupted by visitors

This doesn’t suprise me at all. I wonder if bf rates have gone up as people are left alone, less pressure to get back to normal routines and worry about availability of formula.

O/p the reality of people visiting to “cuddle your newborn” is not as romantic as it sounds. In reality you’ll be knackered, bleeding and and hormonal while everyone else gets to cuddle your sleeping newborn, expecting you to run around making tea and sandwiches and clearing up. Then the baby wakes up and they piss off, having wasted your precious down time and hand you the screaming baby back before you have time to sit down.

Not to mention that they always turn up just after you’ve finally got the baby to sleep, and insist on peering into the pram, talking loudly and generally subtly not subtly trying to wake them up so they can have cuddles with the newborn- which then wakes up screaming and grumpy so they insist on jiggling and singing and refusing to give to you to feed/settle because they can do it, honestly. No he’s not hungry, he just needs cuddles, jiggle jiggle.

Yeah. Enjoy the newborn peace and catching up on sleep rather than worrying about visitors.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 10/05/2020 22:13

My favourite baby photo of DD2 is from when she was 2 weeks old. It was the first time DH met and held his daughter. Its blurry and unfocused, but it means a lot. (Before that he was in Afghanistan)

Grandparents meeting their grandchild for the first time is special whatever the age. It's different and scary at the moment, but things will get better.

Take care of yourself.

sel2223 · 10/05/2020 22:14

Stat positive OP, a lot could change in the next 4 weeks.
It might be that you're able to introduce close family by then but just taking extra precautions to keep you all safe.

NeedToKnow101 · 10/05/2020 22:18

@Flippyflo ❤️❤️ that's such a positive outlook and great advice Thanks

RhymingRabbit3 · 10/05/2020 22:23

I wonder if bf rates have gone up as people are left alone
I would expect the opposite as they wouldnt be able to access support. Women are being rushed out of hospital as quickly as possible to avoid being on wards, so are not getting midwife help to establish feeding. Health visitor appointments are all over the phone now and no weighing clinics for breastfeeding support / reassurance that baby is gaining weight. Plus unable to access breastfeeding support groups in the community - I know a lot of women who would have given up sooner if they had not had support from our local LLL group.

OP in answer to your post - my daughter was born on the day lockdown was announced. She has only met 1 family member (my mum who has to bring my older daughter home). It is sad that I dont have photos of her with family members and that she likely wont meet older relatives for a very long time. However she is too little to know what she is missing and, although everyone likes to cuddle a baby, she doesnt do much at this age so I dont feel grandparents are missing much. I would rather have a newborn in this than an older baby or toddler.

Also your baby isnt due for a while and may be late - the lockdown restrictions may have changed by then to allow visits, we just dont know.

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 10/05/2020 22:30

Yep it’s utterly shit! I had my first and much longed for ivf baby on 7th April day before the peak. He will be 5 weeks old on Tuesday and none of my family have met him properly only via FaceTime no cuddles no photos. Nothing. It’s utterly utterly shit and a time I will never get back. You have every right to be upset.

Whatshername20 · 10/05/2020 23:00


Totally second your comment!

I've actually (apart from the constant stress and worry of LO being exposed to it as DP is a key worker) enjoyed this time as being just me and baby uninterrupted but I had some people around who weren't behaving 'normally' even for excited FTGP's.

I had him just before this all started so some people only just got to meet him and it caused me so much stress with the 'must get right into his face for photos' or 'I need to feed him at two days old because I won't get much chance to' minority.
Yes it's sad that people haven't met him yet or been able to spend a lot of time with him but he doesn't know a lot about it and its more for other people's own reasons than for his benefit at this age. I hope he'll be able to meet them soon and everyone remains healthy which I'd much rather than people miss a bit of time where he really doesn't need anything other than what we can give him.
Things will change eventually but as long as everyone is safe, that's the main thing. Wishing you stay safe and have a safe birth x

Pineapplebaby · 10/05/2020 23:51

I’m due this coming Friday. We’ve already decided that, regardless of the official guidelines, we will be saving the first two weeks for “just us” family time. It’s our first baby so will need that time anyway to get the hang of what we’re doing!
When he’s born, our parents (who are already being extremely careful) will fully isolate for 10 days, and then (as long as they are still symptom free) come visit us. We will stay in the garden, they can have a quick little cuddle with him and then we will all sit the 2m apart for the rest of the visit.
It’s far from ideal, and we’ve both cried loads over this but it’s as much as we’re willing to risk right now.

OccasionalNachos · 11/05/2020 13:42

It’s OK to be upset but there are positives - all your baby will need is your little family at this stage. It’s shit but we will get through it.

BuffaloCauliflower · 11/05/2020 13:51

@bluebluezoo @RhymingRabbit3 evidence coming in suggest breastfeeding success is way up actually, women are seeking advice online which is more likely to come from actual lactation specialists rather than HVs who don’t have the best training. Women are also staying in, just feeding constantly as is needed to build supply had not worrying about visitors or getting out and about. Lockdown is definitely a benefit in many ways (though there’s other concerns about PND and isolation)

RhymingRabbit3 · 11/05/2020 17:11

That is good news!

maria860 · 11/05/2020 17:21

I'm not due for a few more months but I've decided I will ask my mom to self isolate for two weeks so she can then see my baby and my brother can do her shopping etc it's my moms first granddaughter and first girl in the family for thirty years I feel it's to special for my mom to miss out is this possible for your to ask mom and maybe dad to self isolate ? My mom doesn't work so won't be to bad but she's the only one who will be allowed to see her out of immediate family my partner is fine with it.
I so feel for new moms at the moment it's a crap situation.

YorkshirePud1 · 11/05/2020 17:31

I'm due a week today with my first and know exactly how you feel. I'm really sad that my mum won't be at the birth and that she won't get to meet her granddaughter for god knows how long. Then there's my siblings and my husband's family. It is shit and it's ok to be upset about it.
However, I am also making sure I concentrate on the positives. My husband will be working from home for the foreseeable and so it'll be nice bonding in our own little bubble of 3 for a while. Also, I don't mind so much about friends not being able to come and meet the baby so much. Having a constant stream of visitors does sound exhausting. I just hope it doesn't go on for months and months. I can handle a short while.

PotteringAlong · 11/05/2020 17:34

By the start of next month they will be able to meet them. Once schools are back there won’t be any restrictions on family visiting.

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