Breaking up during pregnancy

[puppypeach]

I'm currently 17 weeks pregnant after miscarriages and a difficult year TTC.
Everything has been going well. I've been with my partner for 3 and a half years now and have always thought everything was going great between the two of us.
He enjoys a drink (as did I before pregnancy) and was drinking in the front garden with a neighbour when I went to bed last night.

When I woke this morning he wasn't in our room and asleep in the spare room - which I know he only does when he comes to bed really late so I don't get woken up. So I looked through our CCTV to see what time he had gone to bed to see that he had driven off (after drinking all evening) at 1am and not come back until 5am.

Looking at his phone I found out that he was with some woman. He said nothing happened but I don't believe him as he denied that he had even left the house until I showed him the footage.
I can't believe he drove after drinking so much and that he would put me in danger by seeing someone during lockdown

I'm so angry and scared about what I should do. He's left the house and I believe is at his office but I'm not sure.
I don't want to raise a child on my own and I don't have the means to do so. Together we are well off but I work for him so have no means of income and no savings of my own other than those we have together.

I feel so stuck and I don't know what to do.
I can't believe what he's saying now. I feel so sad

Good god, what an absolute arsehole. Don't for a second believe nothing happened wih this other woman.
I can't imagine what you're going through but I do know that you will be just fine in the end, no matter what happens.
Please don't let him worm his way back in, you deserve so much better.

So sorry to hear @puppypeach. What an arse he is.
Try not to panic, it will be fine in the end. And solo parenting is way easier than trying to manage a bad relationship. Been there, got the t-shirt!

Do you have friends or parents who could help out?

What a shitty thing for him to do. I hope he does right by his child financially. That's a really tough and awkward situation for you to be in but if needs be you move out and start claiming benefits as a single person.
I have also broken up with my baby's dad, for different reasons.... But I sympathise with you because the future looks so different now and it's scary.

You poor poor thing. Please kick him out immediately. Or move out. You and your baby deserve so much better.
Take care lovely xx

@bluejelly i have parents who can help but I just don't want to have to suck it up and admit I need them to help for me!

He owns our home so I'm unsure how to go about things. And it's not great with lockdown going on

He's at his mums at the moment but I'm not sure what he will have told her tbh

Thank you ladies xxx

Well, it may not seem like it at the moment but just think of it as a blessing in disguise. You have solid proof and who knows how long he has / or would be unfaithful for.
You dont need a man to survive - things will be tough but you'll come out the other side happy. I personally couldnt stay with him as I would never drop it.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Please don’t let him convince you that nothing happened. Who goes to see a random woman at 1am? What are they doing, late night book club?

If you have a good relationship with your parents, this is when you need their help most. Please don’t feel ashamed in asking for help, you’re not the one in the wrong here!

Get your finances in order, I believe you may have some rights regarding the house provided you’ve contributed towards it financially even if you aren’t named on the deeds. It would be worth contacting citizens advice to go through this with you.

If he tried lying to you, he will probably lie to his mum. You have cctv as proof, so he can lie all he wants, you know the truth.

Some good advice above. Could you perhaps also contact the woman to find out exactly what went on? Just to help with any lingering doubts you may have...

Oh this is so awful to read! My ex partner would do this to me, I’d go to sleep and wake up and he’d be gone - would stroll in at 9am off his face refusing to tell me anything - I kicked him to the kirb. I can’t imagine going through that whilst being pregnant :(

Don’t be scared about being alone, as @bluejelly says being a single parent will be so much better for you and baby than being in a toxic relationship. You will be supported financially as dad has to pay 12% weekly pay gross - which means before tax so will be quite a bit!

You and your babies health is the most important thing right now, and you don’t need this stress. It won’t be easy but get away from him, go be with your parents and speak to anyone you can for comfort and advice :)