Advice for surviving parental visit after birth....

[Minicooper]

My first baby is due on the 30th November and my parents, who live abroad, are planning to arrive on Boxing Day for 3 weeks (though are meant to be going elsewhere to visit other family for middle week.) Is this going to be helpful or will I want to kill them? Any tips for surviving?!

they need prepping: you will have a month old baby. either they:

a) stay somewhere else or

b) are prepared to cook, clean, babysit for an hour while you nap, and generally do everything they can to make your life easier whilst not interfering

you will be emotional, hormonal, mother tigress/tiny overwhelmed creature woman. you do not need to be looking after anyone except yourself and your baby, and you need lots of help in doing so.

I'm deadly serious, don't do this to yourself unless you can somehow guarantee that a or b will happen.

Thanks, Sophable,

Difficult to suggest elsewhere as I'm based outside London and when in England they lived up in Yorkshire, so don't have any other friends round us. They wouldn't be able to run to B&B for 3 weeks either... Guess I'll have to persuade them that b is the only option and try to get them to help...

My mum was living in S.A. when I had DS - she came over for a month when he was about 6 weeks old and she was a great help around the house (cooking, cleaning, ironing), even looked after DS when I had a nap, took him for walks so I could have a bath, etc.. Thankfully, she isn't the type of mum to interfere or try and take over!

I think you would be grateful of any help you could get but as sophable says they also need to be helpful around the house!

Good luck

Thanks, Mishymoo, this is the kind of reassurance I need! Hopefully will be ok as my Mum is not the sort to expect waiting on - much more of a hands-on, need to feel busy kind of mum. Its just not knowing how I'm going to react in terms of tiredness/ hormones etc. But as long as they're prepared for that!

Minicooper - I think you will find them a help. My mum was fantastic when i had DS, she even stayed whenever I needed her to in order to do a night feed if i was desperate for some sleep. ILs on the other hand all expected to waited on hand and foot, but if it is your own daughter then I think most mothers are there to help.

You should play it by ear - wait til you have had your LO as you may be totallly fine and just need visits or you may be totally knackered and need the rest and help !!
I have in laws coming from overseas 4 weeks after my LO arrives and have said that we'd love them to help but they are staying in a hotel !!

is it normally OK when they come to visit or do you count the days till they go?
If it is usually OK I should think this would be too. Personally I loved having people to stay after I had had babies - my parents, in-laws, sister, friends - but they are all well trained and made life easier for me by cleaning / cooking / looking after baby etc.
I think it really depends on what they are usually like when they stay - if they like to be waited on it may be a problem.

I had my parents over as well and it was lovely! Make sure you agree on who is doing what and your mother has been there so she should be aware of the hormonal hick ups :-)

Thanks, everyone, general concensus seems to be that it should be ok as long as they're willing to pitch in. Hardest thing when they stay usually is lack of any 'couple-time' - or in this case, family time, as we only have one reception room. Think we'll have to play it by ear. Difficult to say, Loopymummy, if I could tell them if it was all getting a bit much - I could certainly say so, but haven't really got a contngency plan about where else they could stay. They live in Thailand, so we only see them every couple of years, so as long as we survive the trip, that's it for quite a while!

My dad came to stay for a week when ds2 was 5 weeks old. By the 6th day, I was a crying wreck. Not that he was any trouble - it's just that having an extra person around for that length of time was more than I could handle. It depends what kind of relationship you have with your parents. Hope it all goes OK.

My parents are coming to stay for 2 weeks when ds2 due on 2nd Oct will be 2 weeks old. I know they will be fab (and vital) help. But couldn't stomach inlaws for anything like this long at that time - 2-3 days would be the max. It basically depends on what your relationship is like with them. If they will muck in and won't be intrusive with their advice then you will be onto a winner! Try sending this book to your mum - you can dress it up as a treat from her soon to be gradchild! www.amazon.co.uk/Good-Granny-Guide-Modern-Grandmother/dp/1904977081/ref=sr_1_2/026-4551575-0256424?i e=UTF8&s=books&qid=1190147391&sr=8-2

Thabks, Alicet - good tip re the book!