How to deal with unwanted comments about bump size 😬

[Rosebudx]

Small backstory, I’m 26 years old, 26 weeks with my first baby & I suffered with anorexia for around 9 years and was very underweight until I was 23. Since recovering I stayed a healthy size 8 til pregnancy.

I’m finding it really hard to deal with peoples comments about my size, we did a window visit to my fiancés grandparents yesterday, and to his parents a few days ago.

Both made comments along the lines of ‘oh my god you’re absolutely huge you’re going to be massive by the end of the pregnancy!’ And
‘Wow look at the size of your belly you’re not gonna have a nice little bump like (family friend who just had a baby)

I know I’m probably sensitive because of my previous eating disorder and I have really been struggling with my changing body, but it’s made me feel so down about myself 😫 I didn’t actually think my bump was that big so it’s really knocked me.

I already felt massive as I’ve put on a stone and started seeing some stretch marks, I know people don’t mean to be nasty when they make these comments but I just don’t know how to react when they do!

Well done for your battle against anorexia! Hurrah for you! My sister-in-law is in recovery after 15 years and it is such hard work. Never forget how far you've come.

So, options: you can go honest, and tell them that because of mental health issues what they're saying is potentially very damaging to you and therefore the baby. You could remind them that your size is a reflection of your achievements (i.e. getting to a fertile weight) and that they need to think more carefully about what they say. This option takes balls, but it certainly gets everyone on the same page.

Now, whoever compared your bump to someone else's was being a massive dick, so you could legitimately be a dick back. 'I'm pregnant, what's your excuse?' is always a fun response.

There's always science, of course. Explain to them (preferably in the most patronising way possible) that it's mostly liquid and baby, ot fat. Get graphic about the blood loss, the gushing, the afterbirth. Why not google some pictures for them?! They'll definitely think twice about commenting again.

I'm sorry this has happened to you, it's so insensitive. Remember how badass you are and how much of a thoughtless idiot these commentators are. Your growing body is a reflection of your dedication to your baby (and to fighting anorexia!), and deserves nothing but celebration.

Be completely honest with them. Tell them you find such comments upsetting given your history with eating disorders. With any luck they won't be insensitive enough to persist.

You could just brush it off, agree and say ye this baby is gonna be a tank. Then change the subject.
Comments like that make me feel uncomfortable and on the spot as well. Especially earing for 2 comments!

I think it is the perfect reason to wheel out the mn classic, ‘Did you mean to be so rude?’

I would just say something along the lines of well I'm pregnant, what your excuse or at least mine will come out in the form of a baby in 3 months and let them figure out the rest themselves. I wouldn't normally be encouraging mean comments but as I used to say as a kid "They started it mam". Childish but true.

I worked in retail and I use to get several comments a day about my size . I remember one day it was just too much and I locked myself in the toilet and cried my eyes out . I wasn’t self conscious of my size in the slightest but everyone’s comments made me think something was wrong with me . People are assholes . I wish I had the guts to tell those people off but I was in a manager role and it was unprofessional 😔

My only advice for you is to remind yourself that you are doing exactly what your body is designed to do . Pregnancy does make you gain weight and it’s not always pretty BUT it’s temporary. It’s a sacrifice you make to bring life into this world .

“Fuck off.”

I had the opposite during my 1st pregnancy OP, people kept telling me my bump was small and asking if baby was ok?!
When you become pregnant you suddenly become public property and everyone assumes it's perfectly ok to pass comment on ur appearance.
Given ur history i would say something, or ask DP to if u can't.

I’ll go against the grain here - I would not tell people like these about your mental health issues. There’s every chance you’ll get even worse thoughtless remarks. Only pricks say things like that, definitely not someone you’d want to share private medical info with.

I’d go with CoolNoMore’s idea of telling them in detail about the water retention, etc., etc.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. And you deserve a massive well done on recovering from anorexia.

Personally I would try as hard as you can to ignore the comments. I don’t know how much your in-laws know about your battle with anorexia, but if they do know, I’m not sure trying to tell them how much their comments upset you will be understood. My concern would be firstly that they won’t understand and secondly that you’ll also become worried about having said the wrong thing/too much/how you’ve dealt with it.

You could just brush it off, agree and say ye this baby is gonna be a tank. Then change the subject
This sort of comment is probably the best way of dealing with it as it brushes them off, but without the worry that you have said too much/something rude or something upsetting.

Pregnancy and the feeling of being out of control of your body is a really scary time for anyone with a history of eating disorders especially since it’s a given that you NEED to gain weight. A one stone weight gain at 26 weeks is entirely normal and I really doubt your bump is massive. Even if it is, we all carry our babies differently and if people weren’t saying you’re massive, they’d be saying you’re really small so you honestly can’t win. I think people just like having an opinion on pregnant women and their bodies and although it is inappropriate and hard to be on the receiving end of it people unfortunately will pass opinion.

You’re growing a baby and you’ve done so well on getting this far, just focus on that and try to stop the comments getting to you.

Just know that you literally can’t win. I have dealt with similar issues in the past but been pretty well for a number of years and have eaten well and plenty throughout my pregnancy. I’m now 32 weeks pregnant and people keep telling me my bump is too small 😑 it’s not, I’m measuring 60th ish centile but I’m tall. It makes me feel shit sometimes though, like people are saying I’m starving my baby or something.

I just think, I know the truth, I’m healthy, baby is healthy and when baby is here my body will be back to itself in time. And... my baby will be fine!

People are such dicks.

Also hold in mind that they aren’t seeing you everyday so maybe seeing you weeks later is a surprise because they’ve not gradually watched you grow xx

It's amazing how everyone suddenly lose their manners the second one gets pregnant. OP, I am very sorry you are going through this.
With a similar background to you, I had to tell work early about pregnancy thanks to the lock down, wasn't showing at that point at all. The first thing 2 of my colleagues said were 'Can't wait to see you fat!' I was a bit speechless at that, I wish I could think of a clever response on a spot.
This thread is great for the ideas ☺️

People are really thoughtless, I got told the whole way along that I barely looked pregnant, it made me really paranoid and I was sent for multiple growth scans along the way and she always plotted rather big on the scan! I just felt fat the whole pregnancy really and never had the round lovely bump you picture. I was about 40 weeks and every time i told people they acted shocked and told me my tummy was tiny, I was sent for another scan 3 days overdue and she was apparently nearly 9lb, everyone then massively changed their tune and told me how big I looked🤷🏼‍♀️ Everyone that touch my bump loves to tell me “it’s all baby” “she’s going to be big”, she came out a week later and was a very modest 7lb! I was so annoyed I’d spent the whole pregnancy listening to everyone’s comments and even more annoyed I’d cried that I was having a 9lb baby😂

It probably looks big to them because you are so slim. As previous in posters have said, it's all baby and baby related liquids etc!
I'm sorry people are making comments though. Please try to disregard them. You can't stop people from doing it but it's bloody annoying!

I bet your bump isn't that big, it just maybe appears so because you're so petite

Respond with

Maybe it's twins (with a little wink)

There are a number of threads on here about this...I know I've previously commented on rude comments about my enormous bump....even from a health visitor...
Might be worth a look- if only to cheer yourself up with what others have had to put up with!
I'm lucky enough to be pretty relaxed about my body and normally shrug it off but it did get under my skin somewhat.... So I can imagine how difficult you are finding it.

I'd just reply... Pardon.. And give a death stare
If try to justify.. Use 'how rude' or 'do you mean to be so rude? '

Get your partner to talk to his family about watching their words.. Some people just don't think...

I wish you luck.. Congratulations on your pregnancy...

You could try "Well at least in a few months I'll be back to a normal shape. You however will always be an insensitive prick".

Thank you everyone for all of your advice and kind words !

I do think it doesn’t help that I’ve not seen them for a while so maybe they didn’t expect as much of a bump, but I’d never dream of saying these things to someone pregnant or not!

I’m glad in a way that I’ve been hidden away from peoples judgement with all of this lockdown x

I found getting bigger as part of pregnancy hard. I've always been a slight size 8. No ED but I like being a heathy weight according to BMI.

I found these comments unsettling but after thinking about it and thinking about the comments i've made to pregnant ladies, I don't think anyone really thinks it through - they just say things because you're pregnant and they want to make a comment (any comment) about it. I said to a friend 'oh look at this lovely big bump' quite recently, while pregnant myself, and thought god what's coming out of my mouth... I think I only wanted to point out there was a bump(?)

Bless you, I think it's the older generation especially they always seem to put their foot in their mouths! My grandpa said to me on the phone the other day "how's the bump? Last time I saw you it looked like you were having twins or triplets!" haha cheeky git, I'm defo only having one and I've only put on a stone and a half and I'm almost 38 weeks! You will of course be extra sensitive because of your eating disorder, but try to just brush off people's comments - everyone has an opinion on everything when you're preggers! x

Ask "what bump?" and then look down and scream hysterically.

It's worth bearing in mind that they have a different perspective from you. In their minds a big bump means a big baby and a big baby is a healthy baby. They probably think they are paying you a compliment and they just aren't considering how you are feeling about all the changes your body is going through.

Congratulations on your recovery. That's fantastic.
I am recovered and have also struggled with the bump size comments.
I think people are used to seeing your tiny frame, so the bump is the first thing they notice. I've had comments saying I look huge but my bump has been between 3rd & 10th centile throughout.
The best thing I have learnt is to: not respond at all. If someone comments just dont reply, at all. Theyll soon change the subject.
I also started wearing tops that were baggier to disguise my bump, as no matter how hard I tried to ignore the comments I never could. I'm 37 weeks now & I've actually enjoyed being in lockdown so I dont have to see anyone