Advice on having two kids please!

[duggeedoesmyheadin]

DC2 is due in 8 weeks and although it was planned, and DH and I are delighted. I'm suddenly feeling like what the hell have we done?!

There will be 2 years between DC1 and DC2. I'm trying to visualise what those first few weeks will be like.

How are DH and I going to manage the sleep deprivation? (We slept in separate rooms and did shifts last time, though I was breastfeeding). How are we going to manage DC1? Don't know if playgroups or playgrounds will be open by then. What if we're still stuck at home?

What tips do you have on surviving? And how long did it take for things to feel 'normal' again? Any advice most welcome!

I had the day 3 blues (had them with dc1) and then a second one around day11. Did the whole "the fuck have I done??" Thing. But actually, its been absoloutley brilliant.

If you are bfing then I'd say you do baby wake ups and dh does all 2yo wake ups overnight.

Dc2 will end up doing a lot of loafing around while dc1 is entertained. In theory it leads to a more chilled second child.

Similar here OP. I’ve got 18 months between my boys and the little one is 12 weeks now

Like you, we slept apart first time round mainly as I was breastfeeding and I found DHs presence irritating while he was snoring away while I fed the baby.

We did the same this time and it was actually an even better idea as it meant he was fully rested to occupy DS1 and be on night duty for him (we were going through some unsettled nights at that point)

Try and rest as much as poss in the first few weeks. I found it tough to do because I felt guilty about not spending time with DS1 but you must. You’ll have lots of time together soon enough

Try to include your first child to help bonding - mine helps get me things and we read or play easy games while I’m feeding the baby

It’s honestly fine and you’ll quickly adapt

I remember being told when having number 2 - feed change and put baby down. Focus on number 1. Their lives have changed. Baby wont know any different. They sleep a lot for the first few weeks.

In regards to sleep. Sleep when you can. Does number 1 go for a nap still ? If so let you snd your partner lie down then too.

You will be fine. Order in made up meals. Trays of lasagne shepherds pie. Easy dinners. Things will be feel a bit more normal each day.

Best of luck

You're not the only one feeling this way. I'll have 2 years between mine when I'm due in November and I'm really nervous about how we will manage!

I’m so glad you posted this! I’m pregnant with my second and when I’m up in the night I wonder how on earth I’ll do this with a newborn too.

But everyone manages - or there would be no second, or third or fourth, babies ever. We can do it!

Me too! I am due in July and there will be 18 months between my two. Reading these commit has given me a lot of reassurance!

It’s totally fine. The shock going from one to two is nothing compared to having the first one!

If you are breastfeeding I agree divide and conquer. My husband did toddler night wakening (if there were any - she was a good sleeper) and mornings and I did the baby. Our second baby slept loads so I did things with toddler then but we also cuddled on the sofa, read books and did stickers and watched CBeebies while I was feeding. I remember it as a very happy time! Maybe I have rose tinted spectacles!

Thanks for the responses everyone. And congrats/good luck to those expecting their DC2s too 😊

Feeling a bit more reassured. It was just suddenly thinking about it all in more detail and remembering what those first few weeks with DC1 were like - I was definitely in shock. I know we'll adapt with DC2 but it's just the unknown, I wish I could see into the future to see what the labour will be like, what sort of baby will they be, how long will the really exhausting phase will last etc. Just need to relax about it all! Deep breaths.

Feeling the same - due DC2 in just under 8 weeks, DD turned 2 last week. Shes always been a brilliant sleeper but it's all gone to shit the last few weeks, now I'm panicking I'll never sleep again! Lots of reassuring stories here though

Could have written your post OP! Due dc2 in July and lb just turned 2 in April. The realisation of being in single digit weeks until new baby arrives has scared the bejesus out of me... Where did that pregnancy go?! I absolutely love my lb to pieces, but he's so boisterous and full of energy, that I can't see how it'll fit with what I remember of the first weeks breastfeeding which was barely moving off the sofa... Eek! Fx it'll all work out okay, our toddlers will love their siblings and stop climbing all over us constantly, and new babies will love to sleep

I'm very grateful for this post! I'm due my second in December (so still early days) and my 1st will be 2 in the feb after so only 22 months between them, my 1st still wakes in the night some times and then will be up normally at about 5am. It's then that I'm thinking how the fudge am I going to cope with a newborn too? I remember the first time round not sleeping when I should and I was literally falling asleep stood up and almost falling to the floor! I really hope I'm more prepared this time but I know the exhaustion is going to be bad if not worse!

When you have your first newborn, I think it often seems hard because you're new to parenting. Over time, new stuff gets added on like entertaining them, more awake time, solids, discipline etc. So by the time you have your second you aren't that mum of a single newborn anymore.

Two is undoubtedly harder than one, but IMO it starts off gentle as newborns needs are so simple. If you breastfeed, there's no being stuck on the sofa watching Netflix, there's feeding in the sling, or feeding whilst reading a book to your toddler. Or (as I remember), feeding in the sling, whilst simultaneously making Yorkshire pudding and entertaining my toddler. Point being, you're better at it, so although it's harder, you'll find it easier to keep up.

Personally, a year into it, it's continued to get harder as my baby requires more attention, and still sleeps as badly as she did as a newborn (on a good night), but I'm better at it than I was a year ago.

Didn't work for us but a friend suggested having books where you feed the baby so the older one can cuddle up and have a story while you feed the baby.