Early pregnant at 42 years old and terrified!!

[MariposaPink]

Hi there!
Anyone else out there in a similar position?
I am 42 years old and I'm 6+1 weeks. I have a 13 year old daughter but she is not my husbands biological daughter so this baby will be our first.
We had been ttc for over a year when we began our first round of IVF last May/June. During the testing phase for IVF they couldn't find anything particularly wrong with either of us but as I was offered one round of IVF on the NHS before the age of 42, we decided to go for it. Also, they confirmed that I had good egg reserves, probably the same as a 35 year old healthy woman. We had 2 good quality eggs which were inserted but sadly they didn't implant.
Then in October I found out I was pregnant (natural conception) and we were over the moon! We couldn't contain our excitement and told all our friends and family. However, I couldn't help but notice that the pregnancy was very different from my previous pregnancy. I suffered with hyperemesis gravidarum from the outset when I was pregnant with my daughter yet with my October pregnancy I had nothing but sore boobs, mood swings and slight indigestion. I was concerned at how easy it seemed so we booked a private scan when I was supposed to be 8+2, but the embryo measured at 6+5 with no heartbeat so it was confirmed that I'd had an MMC. We were devastated.

I was given medication to induce miscarriage which was horrific! I ended up in A&E because the pain was unbearable. Anyway, the induction didn't work completely and I'd had a failed miscarriage. So I'd failed at both pregnancy and miscarriage! After 4 weeks from the confirmation of my MMC, I was given a D&C and had my first normal period a month later in January 2020.
Hubby and I decided that we would try again after 3 months. I was really scared but age, I felt, wasn't on my side despite my good egg reserves. Then the global pandemic hit and my April ovulation date arrived but decided that we should wait for the pandemic to pass, even if it jeopardized my chances of falling pregnant. Plus, hubby and I had had an argument the day of ovulation and I wasn't talking to him (so far our one and only row during lock-down)!
AF was due on April 23rd; I had all the usual symptoms of her arrival but no bleeding. I didn't think too much into it until 8 days had passed and still no AF. I got my BFP on Friday 1st May and I am terrified!!! Again, I don't have the same symptoms as my successful pregnancy. If anything, my symptoms are similar to the last pregnancy which I lost. I just don't feel pregnant and I'm convinced that this is wrong again. I just want to feel a bit nauseous or vomit a few times!
Other than my husband and my GP, I haven't confided in anyone. I cannot bear to tell my friends and family because their sympathies drove me mad when I lost the last baby and I don't want to go through it again. I'd much rather rock up with a newborn and say, "Look what I've done during lockdown!" But then that also means I have no-one to talk to. I'm alone with my crazy thoughts and fears. I have tried to talk to hubby but I look at how excited he is and I don't want to ruin it for him so I always end up telling him that I'm just nervous but I'm remaining positive. But I'm not remaining positive no matter how hard I try.
This morning my 12 week scan appointment arrived in the post...June 15th. This is going to be the longest 6 weeks of my life.

@MariposaPink...
First, congratulations (with caution)!!!
Second, breathe deep and exhale. You’ve past the first hardest part of this journey - You’re pregnant! That’s great news! Your body is telling you that you can conceive 💗
I’m 41 (I’ll be 42 in a few months), two children (5&3 yo) and I’ve had five miscarriages all of varying types (1 genetically tested last Nov) and finally fell pregnant with my third baby in December (right after my D&C). I’m 21 weeks along, scheduled c-section for Sept 2nd.

Take your journey one day at a time. If there is something I’ve learned along the way through my struggles and experiences, it’s to focus on something beyond my uterus. The last miscarriage I had in Nov really hit me hard and I realised going forward I needed to “forget” I was pregnant in order to make that time go faster. So, from when I realised I was pregnant around NYE, til my 9 & 12 week scans, I kept myself busy mentally and worked hard to ignore my bodies symptoms (kind of like living in denial). For me it was also about keeping my hopes down and not overthinking it all. I didn’t tell my husband I was pregnant until I went to my second scan at 12 weeks. I wanted to be sure one way or the other as well. That was super tough but for me it was mentally easier than carrying the anxiety from day to day worrying about his reaction should I miscarry again. Baby #3 is a very wanted baby. My DH has been less worried about baby and more worried about me and handling the physical and emotional set backs of multiply MMCs over time.

Anyway, my advice ... stay calm. Try not to think about the pregnancy at all and give yourself headspace and keep your expectations in check.

If your body determines that the baby is healthy then it will continue to nurture and help it grow. You need to feed yourself well, take your vitamins & folic acid and go from there ... no exertions either.

Sending you lots and lots of warm thoughts and I will keep my fingers and toes crossed for you 💗💗 Please keep us updated on here about how it goes - no pressure 💐💐

It is so tough being pregnant after an MMC. I was 12 weeks and scan showed no heartbeat and size of 7/8 weeks.
That was 3 yrs ago. I am 41 and I have a 10 yr old fro my previous marriage but this was with my now partner and was his first

I am pregnant again which was a shock as we thought ship had sailed.

My first and healthy pregnancy I hardly had any pregnancy symptoms at all. This one I am so nauseous and ill feeling but terrified it is another MMC.

I found out at 5 weeks and scan is 13 weeks and still over a week away. Waiting is torture.

I did get an early scan as was so I'll and some pains and at 9.5 weeks there was a heartbeat and measuring 8.5 weeks. It was good to see and I was shocked as convinced myself it had stopped again.

It is a point in time though so still crapping myself each day.

I get what you are feeling totally. My advice is try and not stress or overthink (easy to say I know). Your lack of symptoms doesn't necessarily mean anything. My first was a healthy boy and I had none.

Try and occupy your self as best you can and cross fingers and toes.

Keep the news to yourself if that is what is best for you. I ended up telling some friends and family as it helps talking about it as the weeks go by and I will need their support if it wasn't viable.

My rmforst pregnancy although I thought about potential for miscarriage I didn't really think it would happen and it didn't. With my second again, I took it for granted that being pregnant meant a baby and was so shocked when it didn't. It hit me really hard at the time. Now I am the opposite and conviced it isn't going to work out as it happened before. I think that is probably a natural thought.

Midwife said to me to stay positive and there is no reason for it not to continue and result in a baby just because it happened before especially as your body has carried and delivered before. Think positively. Feet up. Hope the days pass quickly. My time seems to have really quickly despite thinking it would be forever. Sending thoughts for healthy heartbeats when the time comes. X

Hi, I'm 27 and haven't had ivf but I've had miscarriages so I understand your fear. I have a 10 year old and a 4 month old and I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant with our last little addition to the family and share your anxieties. My 10 year old has a different biological father and when pregnant with my 4 month old my pregnancy symptoms were massively different, I had no symptoms with my eldest and the lot with her, my midwife told me the where the father is different it can be massively different plus each pregnancy can be different too. With this current pregnancy I've had bleeding which as anyone who has had a miscarriage will know how scary this is, thankfully the baby is okay as I managed to get a private scan the other day. It's hard and full of anxiety but you have to try and remain positive and believe its all going to be okay and try your best to enjoy your pregnancy. One thing I was told that has stuck with me is if you stress about something too much before it happens you are living through it twice. Let yourself be happy

Thank you all so much for sharing your stories and advice. I really needed to hear it and it's helped my anxiety a great deal. I needed to let it all out and be heard! And congratulations on your pregnancies too
@MrsAmelia - yes that must've been super tough for you not to tell your DH until the 12 week scan. I considered doing the same but felt that maybe his excitement would rub off on me, so I told him 2 hours after testing! It's great news that your pregnancy is progressing nicely. I think because of my lack of symptoms it would be easier to “forget” I’m pregnant so perhaps I’ll try that to speed up time. There are certainly no exertions right now! I’m working from home, so I literally move from the desk to the sofa. Other than walking the dog, that’s about as energetic as it gets! I will keep you posted on how I’m getting on, likewise it would be great to hear how you are progressing also.
@Sheera1 – you’re right, it’s very hard after an MMC and although I’ve got a great group of girlfriends, I am the only one to have experienced it and they can’t truly relate. Normally news of a pregnancy (mine or anyone else’s) just bursts out of me! I just can’t be sworn to secrecy but this time around, well, it’s being easily kept. I’m not ready to share at all. It’s good that you have a supportive group of friends/family with whom you can talk to through this.
I know how anxious you must be feeling with the scan around the corner, but you should take comfort in knowing that your last scan showed a heartbeat. You must’ve been so relieved! Hold onto that! I’m so glad to know that your pregnancy with your son produced no symptoms…maybe I’m having a boy too?!
@Bam123 – So glad to hear that baby is ok despite the bleeding you’ve had. You must’ve been so scared but at least you know baby is still cooking away. I was also thinking different father = different pregnancy = different symptoms. It practically became my mantra last time around but as the pregnancy failed, I felt that maybe I was just grasping at straws. But thinking about it logically, it could certainly feel different and physiologically I have changed...gained another 13 years of life and what goes with it since my last pregnancy so yes, I do believe this. I’m still terrified though! I’m glad the midwife said this could be the case also. You are very right with the stressing twice. I believe that also, but it’s been hard for me to be rational about things! I don’t know whether I’m coming or going!
I would love to hear how you all get on in the next 9 months. I’m keeping my fingers, toes and everything else that can be crossed, crossed for us!

Hi, I know this is an older conversation but I was wondering how things turned out for you? I‘m 42 and had a MMC earlier this year and I feel like I’m torturing myself with whether we should try again... just wondering how things turned out with everyone else? ❤️

Yes same! Would love to hear how your pregnancy turned out @MariposaPink OP, I am experiencing the exact same as you (although I am younger) whereby I had a MMC (baby passed @ 9w but only discovered @ 12w scan)… in that pregnancy had ZERO symptoms. Again find myself pregnant (8w 2d today) and zero symptoms again :( … can’t shake this bad feeling that I’ve had another MMC.

Sending you all well wishes 💐

@AlwaysSeekingComfort and @Casacol hi there! Unfortunately a week after I posted, I had an MC. It was a spontaneous one and nowhere near as painful as the process I had to endure with the MMC. I haven't fallen pregnant since. Had an IUI this year which failed. I'll be 44 at the end of the year and I'm making peace that it may not happen. We've bought a puppy instead!
How are you feeling now as it's been 2 weeks since you both posted?

@MariposaPink hello lovely… I am so sorry it didn’t work out 💐. Bless you. But glad to hear it wasn’t as painful! Awwww puppies are the best. I have 2 little fur babies (although no longer puppies) and I treat them like children, they are one of the best things thats ever happened to me.

I am still pregnant (I think). I have a private scan on Monday (when I should be 11w1d) although still no symptoms so am extremely anxious and expecting not good news! Thanks for asking x

@AlwaysSeekingComfort I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you. I was like you, no symptoms with either of my last 2 pregnancies which resulted in MC's but as I've read and heard a million billion times, not every pregnancy is the same and some women don't get symptoms (lucky ducks)!
I have a teen DD and I had HG when I was pregnant with her. I was hospitalised and had to be signed off work for a while. So I was expecting to feel the same with all my pregnancies. But when I felt nothing...other than sore boobs and a little queasy for about 5 minutes, I knew something was wrong.
But it doesn't have to turn out that way. Try not to stress out. Hope it all goes well on Monday. Keep me posted so I can celebrate your good news!

@AlwaysSeekingComfort how are you doing? How was the scan? Been thinking of you and hoping all is well.

Hello @MariposaPink, so kind thanks for checking up! Scan went well actually…. They dated me even further along! 11w5d! So am 12w1d today going by their measurements. I have my “12w” scan next week where I should be dead on 13w. Scan anxiety is the worst! Still doesn’t feel real!

Hope you are ok and the fur baby is ok? X

Hello,
@AlwaysSeekingComfort, That’s wonderful news, Glad to hear everything is going well ❤️ Thanks for checking in on us. @MariposaPink so sorry to hear your sad news... I’m sorry for your loss. We actually went to the hospital memorial for ‘lost babies’ last Saturday for our MMC back in March. It was sad but a really nice way to mark a life even if it was a very short one. I’m still so torn about trying again... I just think my age is against me now and I have my beautiful girls. Just wondering if the longing for another child does tend to ease off? I guess no one can really answer that one for me? 😂 I like your words ‘make peace’ with it and my husband is all up for a fur baby too... 😂 Thank you ladies for providing a safe space to chat ❤️❤️❤️ Big hugs to all